[blparent] gratefulness

Thu Dec 6 18:39:31 UTC 2012

The thing is, we can't put our own experiences of the world, what we had or 
didn't have as kids, or what other kids don't have now, onto our small 
children.  Their only concept of the way the world works is what they know 
firsthand.  We can teach them to be polite, to say thank you when they're 
given something, and over time they'll start learning that other kids don't 
have what they do.  But I think gratefulness is something they grow into, 
and we can't take it personally if they don't seem to understand how hard 
things are to come by.  Sarah wanted a Dora the Explorer dollhouse yesterday 
that she saw on TV.  She asked me for it, and I said no, I was sure she 
would get a lot of nice things for Christmas but that dollhouse wouldn't be 
one of them.  She got upset and said she would just ask Santa instead, and I 
said that was fine, I had a feeling Santa was cooking up a lot of fun 
surprises for her.  But I couldn't expect Sarah to know that the $50 
dollhouse, plus the rooms of furniture at twelve to fourteen dollars each, 
were way outside my budget.  I couldn't expect her to know how long it would 
take me to earn that kind of money or how much space the dollhouse would 
take up in our already crowded living room.  She wasn't ungrateful, but she 
has no idea that even Santa has his limits.  She'll figure it out 
eventually.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)
Sent: Thursday, December 06, 2012 11:12 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] gratefulness

I disagree with allowences, but what you can do is have him write down what 
he'd like.
Keep a list going for Christmas or birthday or whatever. This will 
acknollege that yes he has things he wants (don't we all) and show that you 
care enough to take some kind of action.
You may not even need to keep the lists, the act of writing it down is an 
action you and your son can take which says "yes, I know this matters to 
you".
We write down the things our daughter wants, and make a big deal of it. If a 
list disappears, I remind her that if this truly matters to her, she'll 
remember come next birthday or Christmas.

We did have one time where she very rudely told me "I'd write that down, but 
last year Santa didn't give me everythingI had on my list". I very calmly 
told her that we'd be seeing Santa soon and to take it up with him.
She thought about it, realized she had my permission to be a jerk to Santa 
andd realized this plan wouldn't serve her well.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jennifer 
Jackson
Sent: Wednesday, December 05, 2012 6:44 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] gratefulness

You can not teach a feeling, but you can model and expect appropriate
behavior. When mine were little I reminded them to say thank you, but as
they became older I prompted with things like "We say thank you when someone
does something nice for us." And then later I could shorten it to some
version of pointing out that someone had done something nice for my child.

7 is not to young to start with an allowance either. A small allowance will
give you numerous teaching opportunities about money. I bring it up now
because it also helps get you out of always having to say no to your son.
You can just ask if he has the money for it or talk about saving up for it.
If he has no understanding of budgets then he only knows that you
arbittraily say yes and no.

None of this is instant, but I think it is something well worth working
towards with our kids. I also think it is something that most parents have
to address.

I do not think my kids are necessarily any more grateful for gifts than my
sisters kids are, but my grandmother does not give gifts to those two kids
anymore because they did not tell her thank you for the last gifts. She
likes it that my kids always say thank you. My grandmother does not give
these gifts out in front of other children and has never been one to give
regularly for birthdays and holidays, so she is not trying to punish those
girls, just choosing to give where she wants too.

Jennifer

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Wednesday, December 05, 2012 7:24 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] gratefulness

How would you teach a 7 year old how to be grateful for what they have or
what's given to them?

Does just saying no to everything, of course with a reason, work?
I'm tired of the whining and complaining because the child isn't grateful.

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