[blparent] allowances was gratefulness

Thu Dec 6 05:27:26 UTC 2012

Rebecca, I know allowances can be controversial. I have found them useful in
the past, but quit promising them because my husband was not always reliable
about coming through with the money. We have separated our finances enough
now though for me to plan to start them up again at a reduced amount next
month without him having to be part of the agreement. 

I think it is useful for kids to learn about how to spend their money when
the stakes are much smaller than a paycheck. I know there are other ways to
pass on this lesson, this is just one of the ones I like. I do not tie
giving the money to the doing of chores just because we are chaotic enough
around here without my trying to keep up with some kind of chore chart. I
know families that seem to find this really helpful; we are just not that
family. 

The big place I find it useful is in making my kids accountable for their
choices. If they do not do a chore I gave and leave it for me to do then I
charge them for my time. I also make them pay for things they destroy. I had
a couple of very sad faced little boys the day I took them to the store and
made them replace the crackers I had told them to leave alone and that they
had instead eaten and crumbled all over my living room. It was also a great
opportunity to teach them about name brand verses store brand prices.

This is a good learning tool for my kids and my parenting style. It also
dovetails nicely to another method we use. When we go on road trips or to a
festival type thing, I figure up ahead of time how much I am willing to give
each kid for the day and give  him cash. $5 is usually the amount for long
road trips that involve numerous stops. I usually provide bottled water and
some healthy snack, so the money is for extras at pit stops. It is amazing
to observe how this plays out in a group of kids. It almost always inspires
one of the older kids to help a younger one shop and make sensible
decisions. It also cuts way down on the begging and whining for junk food
and toys at every stop. 

Jennifer

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Pickrell,
Rebecca M (TASC)
Sent: Thursday, December 06, 2012 12:13 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] gratefulness

I disagree with allowences, but what you can do is have him write down what
he'd like.
Keep a list going for Christmas or birthday or whatever. This will
acknollege that yes he has things he wants (don't we all) and show that you
care enough to take some kind of action.
You may not even need to keep the lists, the act of writing it down is an
action you and your son can take which says "yes, I know this matters to
you".
We write down the things our daughter wants, and make a big deal of it. If a
list disappears, I remind her that if this truly matters to her, she'll
remember come next birthday or Christmas.

We did have one time where she very rudely told me "I'd write that down, but
last year Santa didn't give me everythingI had on my list". I very calmly
told her that we'd be seeing Santa soon and to take it up with him.
She thought about it, realized she had my permission to be a jerk to Santa
andd realized this plan wouldn't serve her well.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jennifer
Jackson
Sent: Wednesday, December 05, 2012 6:44 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] gratefulness

You can not teach a feeling, but you can model and expect appropriate
behavior. When mine were little I reminded them to say thank you, but as
they became older I prompted with things like "We say thank you when someone
does something nice for us." And then later I could shorten it to some
version of pointing out that someone had done something nice for my child.

7 is not to young to start with an allowance either. A small allowance will
give you numerous teaching opportunities about money. I bring it up now
because it also helps get you out of always having to say no to your son.
You can just ask if he has the money for it or talk about saving up for it.
If he has no understanding of budgets then he only knows that you
arbittraily say yes and no.

None of this is instant, but I think it is something well worth working
towards with our kids. I also think it is something that most parents have
to address.

I do not think my kids are necessarily any more grateful for gifts than my
sisters kids are, but my grandmother does not give gifts to those two kids
anymore because they did not tell her thank you for the last gifts. She
likes it that my kids always say thank you. My grandmother does not give
these gifts out in front of other children and has never been one to give
regularly for birthdays and holidays, so she is not trying to punish those
girls, just choosing to give where she wants too.

Jennifer

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Wednesday, December 05, 2012 7:24 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] gratefulness

How would you teach a 7 year old how to be grateful for what they have or
what's given to them?

Does just saying no to everything, of course with a reason, work?
I'm tired of the whining and complaining because the child isn't grateful.

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