[blparent] punishment

Wed Feb 1 16:53:09 UTC 2012

Unfortunately, kids learn from other kids, much to our displeasure.  They see others hitting or acting up and they think it's ok.  
Sometimes, it takes a strong hand to put them in their place.  Like when grandpa sees him pick up snow after he was told not to, grandpa needs to take that snow out of his hand, throw it and say firmly, "no. I told you no."  The words have to be harsh, not yelling, but harsh never-the-less.
Each and evertime he does something, the tone of voice has to match the crime.  Not yelling, but very very harsh.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Tammy
Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 8:39 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

Hi,

I completely agree with this message.  I don't think spanking is an appropriate punishment for everything, especially if it doesn't work or has stopped working.  You need to find out what your son really likes, and use that as punishment.  My son likes to stay up at night on week-ends but if he's bad he doesn't get to stay up.  During the week if he's bad he looses his tv or goes to bed right after supper which means before his brother and that annoys him.  I also think talking to the school is a very good idea.  I think meds are a last resort but a resort nonetheless.  I hope you find comfort in the fact that you're not the only one who has these problems. 
This age is a very tough age for children, and parents alike.

Good luck!

Tammy

-----Original Message-----
From: Veronica Smith
Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 10:27 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

Nikki, what is he substituting for the Wii.  It will get boring doing nothing but sitting.  It works for other children, but tough love is usually what it takes.  You could turn to meds, they settle children down, but at what expense.  Some of those kids walk around like zombies because they are doped up.  Spanking is reserved here for serious crimes like darting into the traffic breaking items that could possibly be harmful.
Sometimes, just sometimes, if you show that it is okay to hit (spank) then a child thinks it's okay to hit.
I do recommend talking to the school counselor and see what they recommend for changing this behavior. V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 7:39 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

    Taking things away from him isn't solving the problem. He likes Mario Kart Wii a lot. He hasn't been able to play it since the stream of yellows and few reds. It hasn't been doing much since the behavior continues. The punishment is that if he brings home a yellow or red, no Wii. If he gets a yellow or red on a Friday, that means the whole weekend without the Wii, computer playing, or playing with his train.

He has been confined to his room before, but that doesn't seem to work.

-----Original Message-----
From: Veronica Smith
Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 5:18 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

The only way is restricting him from the things he likes and if that means you have to hear him scream or throw a huge tantrum for x amount of time, then be it.  My husband used to put Gab in her room when she'd do what she wanted and she would scream and scream and we told her she could come out when she could control herself and do as she was told.  Sometimes it took a few minutes, sometimes a few hours and then the next time she acted up, back into the room she went.  I know that professionals say not to use their rooms as a place of punishment, but that is what I did, some peeps use a rug and others use a chair, but you use what works. V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 11:12 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

    IDK if I could do that. I don't think he's angry with me. It has more to do with him not listening and doing what he's told. Sunday, he and papa went for a walk in the woods. As they were walking back to the car, my dad told him not to pick up any snow because he didn't want his gloves to be all wet when they got in the car. You know what? That little defiant brat did it anyway. He doesn't listen. Two weeks ago, he got a detention for not listening to the lunchtime supervisor and just continued playing, ignoring the call to come line up. As far as last week and today, I don't know why he pushed another kid, except today, he played freeze tag even after he was told not to. So, I'm just wondering how to fix this "not listening, ignoring, and not doing what told to do" business.

It seems his answer for everything is "I don't know." I'm ready to wash his mouth out every time he says that. Because I know he knows.

-----Original Message----- 
From: Veronica Smith
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 11:20 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

Nikki, can you attend his class for a day or so.  Tell him that mommy is
going to check up on him and then stick to your words.  It might be today or
2 days later, but perhaps you need to see what the class is doing and why he
is acting up.
Is he angry at you for something?  Sometimes a child will take it out on
someone his own size to (in his mind) is punishing you.
Maybe the teacher is only seeing the hitting or pushing, but not seeing the
whole reason for the behavior.  Perhaps, your son is  defending himself.
You know, there is always 2 sides to every story.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 3:02 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] punishment

Hi all. Yes I’m back again. How would you discipline a six year old boy who
doesn’t listen and do what he’s told? I haven’t figured out what will change
his behavior. He pushed another child, in school today and Friday. He lied
to me last night by saying he’ll be good today. We even had him saying “I
know I can, I know I can, said the engine that did.” I’m out of my witts
end. The past few weeks have been horrible. I can’t understand why.

The teacher uses a sliding scale for the behavior. You come to class, you
start with an orange. Your behavior throughout  the day determines the
outcome. So you can either do great and get a green card, but you can slide
back to orange, which is a “ready to work” day. Ah, but there’s the possible
yellow, which is a “behavior needs to be worked on".” You could go to red,
which is the worst. I almost forgot, after the green is blue, “the best
behavior, you’re like a role model.” One thing, if you get a red or blue,
that’s it. You can’t slide off.

Now, my son has been bringing home yellows and the past two days including
today, were red. I’ve made the decision to take all of his toys out of his
room, including stuffed animals and having him go to his room after school
until he fixes his behavior. For each day he brings home a good report and I’m
not just talking an orange, I will give him one toy back.

I’m tired of spanking him. It doesn’t seem to work for me. What do you
think?
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