[blparent] punishment
Kate McEachern
kflsouth at gmail.com
Thu Feb 2 00:50:52 UTC 2012
Hi listers.
I disappeared because of a nasty cold but am starting to get back on my
feet.
Tammy I am still planning to post that information for you I just got throne
off task. And those who offered to help me with the mac just give me a few
days to finish up reports for work then I should be back on track.
Now, I don't know if I missed something but it looks like Nicky is still
having issues with her son.
>From what I read there is aggression towards other kids. I don't know about
your schools but here if the physical aggression keeps up for a wile the
kids get suspended. If the school board feels because of a child's poor
grades, aggressive behavior, and or is disruptive to the learning of others
they will tell the parents the child is no longer welcome at the county
schools. Then your stuck looking at charters or private schools and you have
like 30 days. That's what happens here. But from what I've heard schools
don't mess around when it comes to hitting, kicking, and verbal aggression.
So seriously pick a method for at least two weeks and stick to it. I had the
state involved with my kids over a false report and they don't call you,
they go see your kid at school. I only found out because Ash told me what
happened.
This is not a situation I wish on any parent and I'm not saying this to
upset you but to just make the point that a true plan of discipline needs to
be found and stuck with just for a few weeks so you can see if it works.
Changing disaplen strategies every day or two just doesn't work, and
spanking can aggravate aggressive behavior.
Hope this helps some.
Respectfully.
Kate
----- Original Message -----
From: "Tammy" <tcl189 at rogers.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 5:18 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment
> Hi,
>
> You said you're trying all different approaches to this, and that's half
> your problem. When he misbehaves, he has no idea what you'll do, or what
> thing you'll take or think up to make him do. he might think of it as
> some kind of challenge, and might think it's fun to try to guess what
> punishment you'll give him this time. Spanking doesn't work, so forget
> about that, but maybe a time out where sitting on his bed is the only
> thing you'll permit him to do. I hated them when I was a kid and Colyn
> and Remus both hate them. They might not work for your son, but you have
> to think up something that will, and keep doing that same thing every time
> he is bad at school. Also, talk to his teacher and find out why they have
> the chart they do. I understand the colours okay but there doesn't seem
> to be any balance to it.
>
> Tammy
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Nikki
> Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 12:11 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment
>
> I know. But I don't think it was done out of anger. He knows better not
> to hit, push, or anything in that nature. I've told him about the "golden
> rule." Treat others as you would want to be treated. I even went as far as
> pushing him myself and asking him, "do you like it when I do that to you?"
> He says, no. I told him, then what makes you think other people would like
> it if you did that to them?
> I'm trying all different approaches to this, he had a good day yesterday.
> This morning was sounding promising for another good day. We'll see.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Veronica Smith
> Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 10:55 AM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment
>
> But Nikki, pushing is a form of hitting. Well, in our elementary school
> anyway.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Nikki
> Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 9:17 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment
>
> I've had him write sentences like, I will listen and do what I am told,
> I will respect others and their things, I will not talk out of turn, to
> name
> a few, about 10times. He plays school with his cousins after school,
> sometimes. But come next week, his cousins won't be here after school. So
> more chances for play dates. He usually either bugs me, goes to the
> library
> with papa, colors, plays with play dough, paints, or plays with cars and
> blocks. Oh yeah and board games or legos.
>
> I try very hard not to spank and most of the time I'm successful. It just
> seems like lately he's deserved it. He knows not to hit,
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Veronica Smith
> Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 9:27 PM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment
>
> Nikki, what is he substituting for the Wii. It will get boring doing
> nothing but sitting. It works for other children, but tough love is
> usually
> what it takes. You could turn to meds, they settle children down, but at
> what expense. Some of those kids walk around like zombies because they
> are
> doped up. Spanking is reserved here for serious crimes like darting into
> the traffic breaking items that could possibly be harmful.
> Sometimes, just sometimes, if you show that it is okay to hit (spank) then
> a
> child thinks it's okay to hit.
> I do recommend talking to the school counselor and see what they recommend
> for changing this behavior. V
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Nikki
> Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 7:39 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment
>
> Taking things away from him isn't solving the problem. He likes Mario
> Kart Wii a lot. He hasn't been able to play it since the stream of yellows
> and few reds. It hasn't been doing much since the behavior continues. The
> punishment is that if he brings home a yellow or red, no Wii. If he gets a
> yellow or red on a Friday, that means the whole weekend without the Wii,
> computer playing, or playing with his train.
>
> He has been confined to his room before, but that doesn't seem to work.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Veronica Smith
> Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 5:18 PM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment
>
> The only way is restricting him from the things he likes and if that means
> you have to hear him scream or throw a huge tantrum for x amount of time,
> then be it. My husband used to put Gab in her room when she'd do what she
> wanted and she would scream and scream and we told her she could come out
> when she could control herself and do as she was told. Sometimes it took
> a
> few minutes, sometimes a few hours and then the next time she acted up,
> back
> into the room she went. I know that professionals say not to use their
> rooms as a place of punishment, but that is what I did, some peeps use a
> rug
> and others use a chair, but you use what works. V
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Nikki
> Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 11:12 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment
>
> IDK if I could do that. I don't think he's angry with me. It has more
> to
> do with him not listening and doing what he's told. Sunday, he and papa
> went
> for a walk in the woods. As they were walking back to the car, my dad told
> him not to pick up any snow because he didn't want his gloves to be all
> wet
> when they got in the car. You know what? That little defiant brat did it
> anyway. He doesn't listen. Two weeks ago, he got a detention for not
> listening to the lunchtime supervisor and just continued playing, ignoring
> the call to come line up. As far as last week and today, I don't know why
> he
> pushed another kid, except today, he played freeze tag even after he was
> told not to. So, I'm just wondering how to fix this "not listening,
> ignoring, and not doing what told to do" business.
>
> It seems his answer for everything is "I don't know." I'm ready to wash
> his
> mouth out every time he says that. Because I know he knows.
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Veronica Smith
> Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 11:20 PM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment
>
> Nikki, can you attend his class for a day or so. Tell him that mommy is
> going to check up on him and then stick to your words. It might be today
> or
> 2 days later, but perhaps you need to see what the class is doing and why
> he
> is acting up.
> Is he angry at you for something? Sometimes a child will take it out on
> someone his own size to (in his mind) is punishing you.
> Maybe the teacher is only seeing the hitting or pushing, but not seeing
> the
> whole reason for the behavior. Perhaps, your son is defending himself.
> You know, there is always 2 sides to every story.
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Nikki
> Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 3:02 PM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [blparent] punishment
>
> Hi all. Yes I’m back again. How would you discipline a six year old boy
> who
> doesn’t listen and do what he’s told? I haven’t figured out what will
> change
> his behavior. He pushed another child, in school today and Friday. He lied
> to me last night by saying he’ll be good today. We even had him saying “I
> know I can, I know I can, said the engine that did.” I’m out of my witts
> end. The past few weeks have been horrible. I can’t understand why.
>
> The teacher uses a sliding scale for the behavior. You come to class, you
> start with an orange. Your behavior throughout the day determines the
> outcome. So you can either do great and get a green card, but you can
> slide
> back to orange, which is a “ready to work” day. Ah, but there’s the
> possible
> yellow, which is a “behavior needs to be worked on".” You could go to red,
> which is the worst. I almost forgot, after the green is blue, “the best
> behavior, you’re like a role model.” One thing, if you get a red or blue,
> that’s it. You can’t slide off.
>
> Now, my son has been bringing home yellows and the past two days including
> today, were red. I’ve made the decision to take all of his toys out of his
> room, including stuffed animals and having him go to his room after school
> until he fixes his behavior. For each day he brings home a good report and
> I’m
> not just talking an orange, I will give him one toy back.
>
> I’m tired of spanking him. It doesn’t seem to work for me. What do you
> think?
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