[blparent] punishment

Thu Feb 2 05:02:59 UTC 2012

Call her, talk to her so you can hear her voice.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 3:35 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

I've got him in his room now. He thought I was going to spank him.
I've asked his teacher to email me.

-----Original Message-----
From: Tammy
Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 4:18 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

Hi,

You said you're trying all different approaches to this, and that's half your problem.  When he misbehaves, he has no idea what you'll do, or what thing you'll take or think up to make him do.  he might think of it as some kind of challenge, and might think it's fun to try to guess what punishment you'll give him this time.  Spanking doesn't work, so forget about that, but maybe a time out where sitting on his bed is the only thing you'll permit him to do.  I hated them when I was a kid and Colyn and Remus both hate them.  They might not work for your son, but you have to think up something that will, and keep doing that same thing every time he is bad at school.
Also, talk to his teacher and find out why they have the chart they do.  I understand the colours okay but there doesn't seem to be any balance to it.

Tammy

-----Original Message-----
From: Nikki
Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 12:11 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

    I know. But I don't think it was done out of anger. He knows better not to hit, push, or anything in that nature. I've told him about the "golden rule." Treat others as you would want to be treated. I even went as far as pushing him myself and asking him, "do you like it when I do that to you?"
He says, no. I told him, then what makes you think other people would like it if you did that to them?
I'm trying all different approaches to this, he had a good day yesterday.
This morning was sounding promising for another good day. We'll see.

-----Original Message-----
From: Veronica Smith
Sent: Wednesday, February 01, 2012 10:55 AM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

But Nikki, pushing is a form of hitting. Well, in our elementary school anyway.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 9:17 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

    I've had him write sentences like, I will listen and do what I am told, I will respect others and their things, I will not talk out of turn, to name a few, about 10times. He plays school with his cousins after school, sometimes. But come next week, his cousins won't be here after school. So more chances for play dates. He usually either bugs me, goes to the library with papa, colors, plays with play dough, paints, or plays with cars and blocks. Oh yeah and board games or legos.

I try very hard not to spank and most of the time I'm successful. It just seems like lately he's deserved it. He knows not to hit,

-----Original Message-----
From: Veronica Smith
Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 9:27 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

Nikki, what is he substituting for the Wii.  It will get boring doing nothing but sitting.  It works for other children, but tough love is usually what it takes.  You could turn to meds, they settle children down, but at what expense.  Some of those kids walk around like zombies because they are doped up.  Spanking is reserved here for serious crimes like darting into the traffic breaking items that could possibly be harmful.
Sometimes, just sometimes, if you show that it is okay to hit (spank) then a child thinks it's okay to hit.
I do recommend talking to the school counselor and see what they recommend for changing this behavior. V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 7:39 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

    Taking things away from him isn't solving the problem. He likes Mario Kart Wii a lot. He hasn't been able to play it since the stream of yellows and few reds. It hasn't been doing much since the behavior continues. The punishment is that if he brings home a yellow or red, no Wii. If he gets a yellow or red on a Friday, that means the whole weekend without the Wii, computer playing, or playing with his train.

He has been confined to his room before, but that doesn't seem to work.

-----Original Message-----
From: Veronica Smith
Sent: Tuesday, January 31, 2012 5:18 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

The only way is restricting him from the things he likes and if that means you have to hear him scream or throw a huge tantrum for x amount of time, then be it.  My husband used to put Gab in her room when she'd do what she wanted and she would scream and scream and we told her she could come out when she could control herself and do as she was told.  Sometimes it took a few minutes, sometimes a few hours and then the next time she acted up, back into the room she went.  I know that professionals say not to use their rooms as a place of punishment, but that is what I did, some peeps use a rug and others use a chair, but you use what works. V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 11:12 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

    IDK if I could do that. I don't think he's angry with me. It has more to do with him not listening and doing what he's told. Sunday, he and papa went for a walk in the woods. As they were walking back to the car, my dad told him not to pick up any snow because he didn't want his gloves to be all wet when they got in the car. You know what? That little defiant brat did it anyway. He doesn't listen. Two weeks ago, he got a detention for not listening to the lunchtime supervisor and just continued playing, ignoring the call to come line up. As far as last week and today, I don't know why he pushed another kid, except today, he played freeze tag even after he was told not to. So, I'm just wondering how to fix this "not listening, ignoring, and not doing what told to do" business.

It seems his answer for everything is "I don't know." I'm ready to wash his mouth out every time he says that. Because I know he knows.

-----Original Message-----
From: Veronica Smith
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 11:20 PM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] punishment

Nikki, can you attend his class for a day or so.  Tell him that mommy is going to check up on him and then stick to your words.  It might be today or
2 days later, but perhaps you need to see what the class is doing and why he is acting up.
Is he angry at you for something?  Sometimes a child will take it out on someone his own size to (in his mind) is punishing you.
Maybe the teacher is only seeing the hitting or pushing, but not seeing the whole reason for the behavior.  Perhaps, your son is  defending himself.
You know, there is always 2 sides to every story.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Nikki
Sent: Monday, January 30, 2012 3:02 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] punishment

Hi all. Yes I’m back again. How would you discipline a six year old boy who doesn’t listen and do what he’s told? I haven’t figured out what will change his behavior. He pushed another child, in school today and Friday. He lied to me last night by saying he’ll be good today. We even had him saying “I know I can, I know I can, said the engine that did.” I’m out of my witts end. The past few weeks have been horrible. I can’t understand why.

The teacher uses a sliding scale for the behavior. You come to class, you start with an orange. Your behavior throughout  the day determines the outcome. So you can either do great and get a green card, but you can slide back to orange, which is a “ready to work” day. Ah, but there’s the possible yellow, which is a “behavior needs to be worked on".” You could go to red, which is the worst. I almost forgot, after the green is blue, “the best behavior, you’re like a role model.” One thing, if you get a red or blue, that’s it. You can’t slide off.

Now, my son has been bringing home yellows and the past two days including today, were red. I’ve made the decision to take all of his toys out of his room, including stuffed animals and having him go to his room after school until he fixes his behavior. For each day he brings home a good report and I’m not just talking an orange, I will give him one toy back.

I’m tired of spanking him. It doesn’t seem to work for me. What do you think?
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