[blparent] Talking about adoption?

Wed Feb 22 21:45:54 UTC 2012

Hi,

I disagree with one thing said here.  I would talk to the nephew in question 
but I wouldn't come down on him very hard at all.  you don't know whether he 
meant it to be mean or not, but I would give him the benefit of the doubt 
and maybe I might ask him how he meant to come across.  Otherwise he might 
get angry or defensive and you won't get anything out of him at all.  I 
would tell savannah that she was adopted and what it means, but then leave 
it at that.  She'll come to you with questions if she has them, and there 
probably won't be many at first, but there will be lots later.  Don't make a 
big deal out of it, but don't shush people if they want to talk about it 
with you either.  If you do Savannah might think it's a bad thing to talk 
about and not want to talk about it with you.  I would just tell her that 
she's adopted but that makes her special because you picked her out of all 
the children you could have picked.  I know it sounds a bit like picking 
apples off a tree, but to a 3 year old, like I was when it was explained to 
me, it was very cool, and I felt very special.

hth

Tammy

-----Original Message----- 
From: Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2012 8:41 AM
To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?

First, you and a couple other adults need to come down on that nephew like a 
ton of bricks. He may or may no t grasp what he's saying, but that doesn't 
mean he gets a pass.
Second, start telling Savana now about her adoption. If you think about it, 
we all tell kids stuff that matters to us or to them well before they 
understand.  This really isn't any different.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
Behalf Of Kate McEachern
Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 6:59 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?

Hi Pippy.

I didn't adopt but our family had a situation sort of like yours years ago.
I have a cussen who was rased by her Aunt and till her teens she thought my
other Ant was her Mom. It all came out at a party and that didn't go well.
To be fair, my family is sort of disfuntional so I am assuming your
situation is better.

All I can tell you is what my Cussen told those of us that she was close to.
She said she would have liked to have been told the trueth years ago because
she asked when she was little and was told that who she thought was her Mom
was and that stuck with her to this day. I wish I had more information for
you but I don't.

Good luck and if it meens anything, your handling it better then my Aunts
did.

Kate

----- Original Message -----
From: "Pipi" <blahblahblah0822 at gmail.com>
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>;
<blindparenting at googlegroups.com>; <singleblindparents at googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 1:00 PM
Subject: [blparent] Talking about adoption?

> Hey y'all,
> This will be long because I ramble.
> I'm full of questions lately.
> Last week an incedent happened and now that I look back, I didn't handle
> it in the way that I should have.
> A little background for those that don't know. Savannah is adopted. I went
> to the hospital and was in the surgery room when she was born. I was the
> first to hold her and brought her straight home from the hospital. I've
> always been her mom. The birth parents have always been aunt and uncle.
> I have a huge family and while all over the age of 8 or so know that
> Savannah is adopted, not all of the kids know who her birth parents are.
> Last week, I had nieces and nephews over and Savannah here. The topic of
> family came up somehow and one of my nephews was being a typical 13 year
> old pedantic literal boy and said that Savannah isn't really family
> because she is adopted.
> I understood what he meant, but the comment hurt me. I tried to explain at
> that point that even though she is adopted, she is still family, but then
> the little kids started in with "Savannah is adopted" I didn't know she
> was adopted" and things like this.
> I got overwhelmed pretty quickly because Savannah was sitting right there
> during all of this. I changed the subject.
> Looking back, I shouldn't have done this.
> I have never planned to hide Savannah's adoption from her. I have talked
> to an aunt about when she told her children they were adopted and she said
> around 5. I guess I just figured I still had some time.
> Now after doing a little bit of research online, it seems that I should
> have been telling her from birth. I'm not really sure how I should have
> incorporated her being adopted into our everyday lives.
> People have told me that she is too young to understand any of it. And I
> agree that she won't get the entire meaning of adoption at 3, but I don't
> want to handle the next incedent the way I did last week.
> Does anyone have any resources on how to tell your child that they are
> adopted? Any known good preschool aged books on adoption? I have found a
> few but they are about a family going to another country to adopt. This
> will work, but I'd like to find something closer to our situation if
> possible.
> For those who have adopted on here, when and how did you tell your
> children that are adopted?
> Thank you for any help you can give.
> Pipi
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