[blparent] Talking about adoption?

Wed Feb 22 23:11:20 UTC 2012

I grew up with a girl who had been adopted from Korea at the age of three 
and a half.  I remember we were in kindergarten together, and she told me 
she was adopted.  When I asked what that meant, she said her mom told her it 
meant she grew in her heart instead of her tummy.  It's stuck with me.

Jo Elizabeth

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young, 
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of 
the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of 
these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Tammy" <tcl189 at rogers.com>
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2012 2:45 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?

> Hi,
>
> I disagree with one thing said here.  I would talk to the nephew in 
> question but I wouldn't come down on him very hard at all.  you don't know 
> whether he meant it to be mean or not, but I would give him the benefit of 
> the doubt and maybe I might ask him how he meant to come across. 
> Otherwise he might get angry or defensive and you won't get anything out 
> of him at all.  I would tell savannah that she was adopted and what it 
> means, but then leave it at that.  She'll come to you with questions if 
> she has them, and there probably won't be many at first, but there will be 
> lots later.  Don't make a big deal out of it, but don't shush people if 
> they want to talk about it with you either.  If you do Savannah might 
> think it's a bad thing to talk about and not want to talk about it with 
> you.  I would just tell her that she's adopted but that makes her special 
> because you picked her out of all the children you could have picked.  I 
> know it sounds a bit like picking apples off a tree, but to a 3 year old, 
> like I was when it was explained to me, it was very cool, and I felt very 
> special.
>
> hth
>
> Tammy
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)
> Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2012 8:41 AM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?
>
> First, you and a couple other adults need to come down on that nephew like 
> a ton of bricks. He may or may no t grasp what he's saying, but that 
> doesn't mean he gets a pass.
> Second, start telling Savana now about her adoption. If you think about 
> it, we all tell kids stuff that matters to us or to them well before they 
> understand.  This really isn't any different.
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On 
> Behalf Of Kate McEachern
> Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 6:59 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?
>
> Hi Pippy.
>
> I didn't adopt but our family had a situation sort of like yours years 
> ago.
> I have a cussen who was rased by her Aunt and till her teens she thought 
> my
> other Ant was her Mom. It all came out at a party and that didn't go well.
> To be fair, my family is sort of disfuntional so I am assuming your
> situation is better.
>
> All I can tell you is what my Cussen told those of us that she was close 
> to.
> She said she would have liked to have been told the trueth years ago 
> because
> she asked when she was little and was told that who she thought was her 
> Mom
> was and that stuck with her to this day. I wish I had more information for
> you but I don't.
>
> Good luck and if it meens anything, your handling it better then my Aunts
> did.
>
> Kate
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Pipi" <blahblahblah0822 at gmail.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>;
> <blindparenting at googlegroups.com>; <singleblindparents at googlegroups.com>
> Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 1:00 PM
> Subject: [blparent] Talking about adoption?
>
>
>> Hey y'all,
>> This will be long because I ramble.
>> I'm full of questions lately.
>> Last week an incedent happened and now that I look back, I didn't handle
>> it in the way that I should have.
>> A little background for those that don't know. Savannah is adopted. I 
>> went
>> to the hospital and was in the surgery room when she was born. I was the
>> first to hold her and brought her straight home from the hospital. I've
>> always been her mom. The birth parents have always been aunt and uncle.
>> I have a huge family and while all over the age of 8 or so know that
>> Savannah is adopted, not all of the kids know who her birth parents are.
>> Last week, I had nieces and nephews over and Savannah here. The topic of
>> family came up somehow and one of my nephews was being a typical 13 year
>> old pedantic literal boy and said that Savannah isn't really family
>> because she is adopted.
>> I understood what he meant, but the comment hurt me. I tried to explain 
>> at
>> that point that even though she is adopted, she is still family, but then
>> the little kids started in with "Savannah is adopted" I didn't know she
>> was adopted" and things like this.
>> I got overwhelmed pretty quickly because Savannah was sitting right there
>> during all of this. I changed the subject.
>> Looking back, I shouldn't have done this.
>> I have never planned to hide Savannah's adoption from her. I have talked
>> to an aunt about when she told her children they were adopted and she 
>> said
>> around 5. I guess I just figured I still had some time.
>> Now after doing a little bit of research online, it seems that I should
>> have been telling her from birth. I'm not really sure how I should have
>> incorporated her being adopted into our everyday lives.
>> People have told me that she is too young to understand any of it. And I
>> agree that she won't get the entire meaning of adoption at 3, but I don't
>> want to handle the next incedent the way I did last week.
>> Does anyone have any resources on how to tell your child that they are
>> adopted? Any known good preschool aged books on adoption? I have found a
>> few but they are about a family going to another country to adopt. This
>> will work, but I'd like to find something closer to our situation if
>> possible.
>> For those who have adopted on here, when and how did you tell your
>> children that are adopted?
>> Thank you for any help you can give.
>> Pipi
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>
>
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