[blparent] Talking about adoption?

Wed Feb 22 23:17:58 UTC 2012

that one is so awesome I like it.

On 2/22/12, Jo Elizabeth Pinto <jopinto at msn.com> wrote:
> I grew up with a girl who had been adopted from Korea at the age of three
> and a half.  I remember we were in kindergarten together, and she told me
> she was adopted.  When I asked what that meant, she said her mom told her it
> meant she grew in her heart instead of her tummy.  It's stuck with me.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> "How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,
> compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of
> the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of
> these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "Tammy" <tcl189 at rogers.com>
> Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2012 2:45 PM
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?
>
>> Hi,
>>
>> I disagree with one thing said here.  I would talk to the nephew in
>> question but I wouldn't come down on him very hard at all.  you don't know
>>
>> whether he meant it to be mean or not, but I would give him the benefit of
>>
>> the doubt and maybe I might ask him how he meant to come across.
>> Otherwise he might get angry or defensive and you won't get anything out
>> of him at all.  I would tell savannah that she was adopted and what it
>> means, but then leave it at that.  She'll come to you with questions if
>> she has them, and there probably won't be many at first, but there will be
>>
>> lots later.  Don't make a big deal out of it, but don't shush people if
>> they want to talk about it with you either.  If you do Savannah might
>> think it's a bad thing to talk about and not want to talk about it with
>> you.  I would just tell her that she's adopted but that makes her special
>> because you picked her out of all the children you could have picked.  I
>> know it sounds a bit like picking apples off a tree, but to a 3 year old,
>> like I was when it was explained to me, it was very cool, and I felt very
>> special.
>>
>> hth
>>
>> Tammy
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)
>> Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2012 8:41 AM
>> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?
>>
>> First, you and a couple other adults need to come down on that nephew like
>>
>> a ton of bricks. He may or may no t grasp what he's saying, but that
>> doesn't mean he gets a pass.
>> Second, start telling Savana now about her adoption. If you think about
>> it, we all tell kids stuff that matters to us or to them well before they
>> understand.  This really isn't any different.
>>
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Kate McEachern
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 6:59 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?
>>
>> Hi Pippy.
>>
>> I didn't adopt but our family had a situation sort of like yours years
>> ago.
>> I have a cussen who was rased by her Aunt and till her teens she thought
>> my
>> other Ant was her Mom. It all came out at a party and that didn't go well.
>> To be fair, my family is sort of disfuntional so I am assuming your
>> situation is better.
>>
>> All I can tell you is what my Cussen told those of us that she was close
>> to.
>> She said she would have liked to have been told the trueth years ago
>> because
>> she asked when she was little and was told that who she thought was her
>> Mom
>> was and that stuck with her to this day. I wish I had more information for
>> you but I don't.
>>
>> Good luck and if it meens anything, your handling it better then my Aunts
>> did.
>>
>> Kate
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Pipi" <blahblahblah0822 at gmail.com>
>> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>;
>> <blindparenting at googlegroups.com>; <singleblindparents at googlegroups.com>
>> Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 1:00 PM
>> Subject: [blparent] Talking about adoption?
>>
>>
>>> Hey y'all,
>>> This will be long because I ramble.
>>> I'm full of questions lately.
>>> Last week an incedent happened and now that I look back, I didn't handle
>>> it in the way that I should have.
>>> A little background for those that don't know. Savannah is adopted. I
>>> went
>>> to the hospital and was in the surgery room when she was born. I was the
>>> first to hold her and brought her straight home from the hospital. I've
>>> always been her mom. The birth parents have always been aunt and uncle.
>>> I have a huge family and while all over the age of 8 or so know that
>>> Savannah is adopted, not all of the kids know who her birth parents are.
>>> Last week, I had nieces and nephews over and Savannah here. The topic of
>>> family came up somehow and one of my nephews was being a typical 13 year
>>> old pedantic literal boy and said that Savannah isn't really family
>>> because she is adopted.
>>> I understood what he meant, but the comment hurt me. I tried to explain
>>> at
>>> that point that even though she is adopted, she is still family, but then
>>> the little kids started in with "Savannah is adopted" I didn't know she
>>> was adopted" and things like this.
>>> I got overwhelmed pretty quickly because Savannah was sitting right there
>>> during all of this. I changed the subject.
>>> Looking back, I shouldn't have done this.
>>> I have never planned to hide Savannah's adoption from her. I have talked
>>> to an aunt about when she told her children they were adopted and she
>>> said
>>> around 5. I guess I just figured I still had some time.
>>> Now after doing a little bit of research online, it seems that I should
>>> have been telling her from birth. I'm not really sure how I should have
>>> incorporated her being adopted into our everyday lives.
>>> People have told me that she is too young to understand any of it. And I
>>> agree that she won't get the entire meaning of adoption at 3, but I don't
>>> want to handle the next incedent the way I did last week.
>>> Does anyone have any resources on how to tell your child that they are
>>> adopted? Any known good preschool aged books on adoption? I have found a
>>> few but they are about a family going to another country to adopt. This
>>> will work, but I'd like to find something closer to our situation if
>>> possible.
>>> For those who have adopted on here, when and how did you tell your
>>> children that are adopted?
>>> Thank you for any help you can give.
>>> Pipi
>>> _______________________________________________
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>>
>>
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