[blparent] Talking about adoption?

Thu Feb 23 20:15:29 UTC 2012

There is actually a book called something like You Grew In My Heart.  It is
either by Barbara Walters or her daughter, Jackie.
Melissa

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2012 6:11 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?

I grew up with a girl who had been adopted from Korea at the age of three
and a half.  I remember we were in kindergarten together, and she told me
she was adopted.  When I asked what that meant, she said her mom told her it
meant she grew in her heart instead of her tummy.  It's stuck with me.

Jo Elizabeth

"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of
the weak and the strong.  Because someday in life you will have been all of
these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Tammy" <tcl189 at rogers.com>
Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2012 2:45 PM
To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?

> Hi,
>
> I disagree with one thing said here.  I would talk to the nephew in 
> question but I wouldn't come down on him very hard at all.  you don't 
> know whether he meant it to be mean or not, but I would give him the 
> benefit of the doubt and maybe I might ask him how he meant to come
across.
> Otherwise he might get angry or defensive and you won't get anything 
> out of him at all.  I would tell savannah that she was adopted and 
> what it means, but then leave it at that.  She'll come to you with 
> questions if she has them, and there probably won't be many at first, 
> but there will be lots later.  Don't make a big deal out of it, but 
> don't shush people if they want to talk about it with you either.  If 
> you do Savannah might think it's a bad thing to talk about and not 
> want to talk about it with you.  I would just tell her that she's 
> adopted but that makes her special because you picked her out of all 
> the children you could have picked.  I know it sounds a bit like 
> picking apples off a tree, but to a 3 year old, like I was when it was 
> explained to me, it was very cool, and I felt very special.
>
> hth
>
> Tammy
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)
> Sent: Wednesday, February 22, 2012 8:41 AM
> To: 'NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?
>
> First, you and a couple other adults need to come down on that nephew 
> like a ton of bricks. He may or may no t grasp what he's saying, but 
> that doesn't mean he gets a pass.
> Second, start telling Savana now about her adoption. If you think 
> about it, we all tell kids stuff that matters to us or to them well 
> before they understand.  This really isn't any different.
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] 
> On Behalf Of Kate McEachern
> Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 6:59 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Talking about adoption?
>
> Hi Pippy.
>
> I didn't adopt but our family had a situation sort of like yours years 
> ago.
> I have a cussen who was rased by her Aunt and till her teens she 
> thought my other Ant was her Mom. It all came out at a party and that 
> didn't go well.
> To be fair, my family is sort of disfuntional so I am assuming your 
> situation is better.
>
> All I can tell you is what my Cussen told those of us that she was 
> close to.
> She said she would have liked to have been told the trueth years ago 
> because she asked when she was little and was told that who she 
> thought was her Mom was and that stuck with her to this day. I wish I 
> had more information for you but I don't.
>
> Good luck and if it meens anything, your handling it better then my 
> Aunts did.
>
> Kate
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Pipi" <blahblahblah0822 at gmail.com>
> To: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>; 
> <blindparenting at googlegroups.com>; 
> <singleblindparents at googlegroups.com>
> Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 1:00 PM
> Subject: [blparent] Talking about adoption?
>
>
>> Hey y'all,
>> This will be long because I ramble.
>> I'm full of questions lately.
>> Last week an incedent happened and now that I look back, I didn't 
>> handle it in the way that I should have.
>> A little background for those that don't know. Savannah is adopted. I 
>> went to the hospital and was in the surgery room when she was born. I 
>> was the first to hold her and brought her straight home from the 
>> hospital. I've always been her mom. The birth parents have always 
>> been aunt and uncle.
>> I have a huge family and while all over the age of 8 or so know that 
>> Savannah is adopted, not all of the kids know who her birth parents are.
>> Last week, I had nieces and nephews over and Savannah here. The topic 
>> of family came up somehow and one of my nephews was being a typical 
>> 13 year old pedantic literal boy and said that Savannah isn't really 
>> family because she is adopted.
>> I understood what he meant, but the comment hurt me. I tried to 
>> explain at that point that even though she is adopted, she is still 
>> family, but then the little kids started in with "Savannah is 
>> adopted" I didn't know she was adopted" and things like this.
>> I got overwhelmed pretty quickly because Savannah was sitting right 
>> there during all of this. I changed the subject.
>> Looking back, I shouldn't have done this.
>> I have never planned to hide Savannah's adoption from her. I have 
>> talked to an aunt about when she told her children they were adopted 
>> and she said around 5. I guess I just figured I still had some time.
>> Now after doing a little bit of research online, it seems that I 
>> should have been telling her from birth. I'm not really sure how I 
>> should have incorporated her being adopted into our everyday lives.
>> People have told me that she is too young to understand any of it. 
>> And I agree that she won't get the entire meaning of adoption at 3, 
>> but I don't want to handle the next incedent the way I did last week.
>> Does anyone have any resources on how to tell your child that they 
>> are adopted? Any known good preschool aged books on adoption? I have 
>> found a few but they are about a family going to another country to 
>> adopt. This will work, but I'd like to find something closer to our 
>> situation if possible.
>> For those who have adopted on here, when and how did you tell your 
>> children that are adopted?
>> Thank you for any help you can give.
>> Pipi
>> _______________________________________________
>> blparent mailing list
>> blparent at nfbnet.org
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
>> blparent:
>> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/kflsouth%40gmai
>> l.com
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> blparent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/rebecca.pickrell
> %40tasc.com CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This message and any attachments 
> or files transmitted with it (collectively, the "Message") are 
> intended only for the addressee and may contain information that is 
> privileged, proprietary and/or prohibited from disclosure by law or 
> contract. If you are not the intended recipient: (a) please do not 
> read, copy or retransmit the Message; (b) permanently delete and/or 
> destroy all electronic and hard copies of the Message; (c) notify us 
> by return email; and (d) you are hereby notified that any 
> dissemination, distribution or copying of the Message is strictly 
> prohibited.
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> blparent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/tcl189%40rogers.
> com
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at nfbnet.org
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> blparent:
> http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/jopinto%40msn.co
> m
> 

_______________________________________________
blparent mailing list
blparent at nfbnet.org
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
blparent:
http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/melissa%40riccobono.us
-----
No virus found in this message.
Checked by AVG - www.avg.com
Version: 10.0.1424 / Virus Database: 2113/4825 - Release Date: 02/22/12