[blparent] update on the kids
Kate McEachern
kflsouth at gmail.com
Tue Feb 28 03:41:03 UTC 2012
We think a lot alike. Take the extras sounds good. Did this once and it
worked well. Do things backslide? Yes but she doesn't get to that point
again.
And yes, a kid acting like this makes me mad.
Kate
----- Original Message -----
From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2012 10:24 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] update on the kids
> Hi. My daughter is just about to turn four, so I won't say I know much
> about dealing with an eight-year-old. But Sarah's dad had a long talk
> with a case worker during an unfounded call from Social Services that
> happened when his son was about seven or eight. The relevant thing that
> came out of that conversation was that parents have to feed, clothe, and
> shelter their children, but not give them a bunch of extras. Most of us
> want to do as much as we can for our kids, but I'm wondering if a bit of
> back to basics treatment might work for Little Miss Michelle. What I mean
> is, the social worker said you have to feed your children, but that means
> basic sustenance. That doesn't mean ice cream, chocolate bars, or even
> favorite foods. We have to shelter our kids, but we don't have to give
> them video games, coloring books, or whatever it is they ask for. We have
> to give them a safe place to sleep and be out of the cold, and that's it.
> We have to give them clothes, but we don't have to buy the latest pair of
> shoes they want.
>
> So my idea is, since Michelle is acting out so extremely and needs, in my
> opinion, a lesson in how good her life is at present and what she really
> has, what if you take away the extras till she earns them back? Remove
> the stuff from her room except her bed and clothes. Take away dessert, or
> if she refuses to help do the dishes or set the table and other mealtime
> chores properly, at her age I would consider even taking away meals except
> a sandwich or something that will fill her up and give her nutrition, but
> not be hot and tasty and a family occasion. Say that when she wants to
> pitch in for the family and get along as a family member, she can start
> earning back her privileges. She may come around pretty quickly when she
> figures out you're serious. If she goes to Child Protective Services with
> another story and the case workers find out what you're doing, they'll
> back you up because you aren't breaking any laws. Besides that, they'll
> talk to her about how if she keeps going to them with lies, they won't
> believe her anymore.
>
> I think eight might be a good age for such a shock treatment because kids
> are still impressionable, where it might just make a teenager angry, and a
> younger child might not understand. It's kind of a radical plan, so you
> would probably want to talk to Stan and both be on the same page.
> Counseling for yourself is also a good idea, just so you have your own
> peace of mind and operate out of concern for Michelle and not out of
> anger. Please don't think I'm usually a hard ass, either. It would be
> really difficult for me to do what I've suggested. But it seems to me,
> unless you take a drastic step, things can only get worse as Michelle gets
> older.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> "How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,
> compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant
> of the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been
> all of these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist
>
> --------------------------------------------------
> From: "stephanie mitchell" <mumwith2kids at gmail.com>
> Sent: Monday, February 27, 2012 7:34 PM
> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] update on the kids
>
>> hi all,
>> She was actually 7 when she did this. August last year. What happened
>> was that stan made her write a story about lying and stealing because
>> she stole something of mine and then lied about it. She wanted to get
>> Stan in trouble, so she said that Stan did some thing to her which I
>> wont write here. She said she heard it in the school yard and used it
>> to get back at Stan. She also told them I spanked her which is true
>> but told lies about how I did it. They woke up quickly she was lying
>> about it all. They said she is just an intelliant girl and that there
>> was no abuse involved. Dont worry, if she pulled it again she would be
>> out of her. I know I need to nip it, but Im at a loss.
>>
>> On 2/28/12, Kate McEachern <kflsouth at gmail.com> wrote:
>>> Dear Steph,
>>>
>>> I am sorry you are having such a hard time. First you should get some
>>> one to
>>> speak with your eight year old about how false accusations can ruin
>>> people's
>>> lives and it is unacceptable regardless of how mad you are at someone.
>>> My
>>> Daughter is now nine and the sassing and trying to get out of chores is
>>> normal but that she reported you to DCF is unacceptable. Personally if
>>> it
>>> were me she wouldn't be in my house because I don't play games and
>>> because I
>>> have seen how these naughty girls are as teens you need to stop her now.
>>> Not
>>> with nicety but strait talk like uncensored talk to make it clear. If
>>> you
>>> want a kid removed all you do is call the cops and say this child is
>>> causing
>>> stress for the family we would like her removed from our residence and
>>> throw
>>> her stuff in a trash bag and give her and it over. Her behavior is not
>>> normal defiance it is down right disrespectful and Mom or not you do not
>>> have to have her lip and causing stress for your other children. If she
>>> is
>>> saying things at eight what will she say at twelve? Nip it quick.
>>>
>>> Just my two cense.
>>>
>>> Kate
>>>
>>> ----- Original Message -----
>>> From: "Stephanie Mitchell" <mumwith2kids at gmail.com>
>>> To: "Blind parents Email list" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Monday, February 27, 2012 6:36 PM
>>> Subject: [blparent] update on the kids
>>>
>>>
>>>> Hi All,
>>>> It's been a while, so I thought I'd write an update on our family.
>>>> First, It was Cathy's 5th birthday yesterday. We had a really great
>>>> day.
>>>> First it was toast for breakfast, Cathy's choice. We had cupcakes at
>>>> school. Then last night, I took the 3 kids to hungry Jacks. On the
>>>> whole
>>>>
>>>> it went ok, although they didn't really stay with me when I was
>>>> ordering,
>>>> and it took about 5 calls to get them back. I held Tim, who is now 18
>>>> months, so he was fine. I ate out side near the play area, and let
>>>> them
>>>> play after dinner, then caught a taxi home. Stan got home about 8 pm,
>>>> and
>>>>
>>>> we had chocolate cake to round off the day. Cathy got some sticker
>>>> books,
>>>>
>>>> a dolls house complete with little people in it, and some colouring
>>>> stuff.
>>>>
>>>> She started school 3 weeks ago, and is thriving. She has just started
>>>> bringing home the readers each night, which is hard, because unlike
>>>> Michele she can't read much yet. But we get there by Cathy spelling
>>>> every
>>>>
>>>> thing to me.
>>>> Tim is now 18 months old and growing. He is still cosleeping and
>>>> breastfeeding, and I don't plan on stopping that until he's about two.
>>>> Then I'll try the gradually wean him. He loves to eat, and eats a
>>>> large
>>>> variety of fruit, vegies, cheese, chicken and lamb. He doesn't really
>>>> talk much. He will say mum and dad, bye and nite-nite but that's about
>>>> it. He understands every thing though. He always seems to know when
>>>> we
>>>> are going out, and brings me my cane. He also will find things if I
>>>> ask
>>>> him, put things back when asked etc. He loves touching stuff though
>>>> and
>>>> it can be interesting with the other 2 kids in the house. Trying to do
>>>> the kids home work while keeping him intertained is a real challenge.
>>>> He
>>>> doesn't like toys, he would rather be doing what every one else is, but
>>>> he
>>>>
>>>> can't. So he gets in to every thing and I feel like a monkey chasing
>>>> him
>>>> around all the time.
>>>> Michele was 8 in January. Since last year when she reported us to
>>>> family
>>>> services with false accusations of sexual abuse by dad, and reported me
>>>> for spanking, we are waiting on an appointment to see the ped. First,
>>>> the
>>>>
>>>> doctor never put me on the waiting list, so I had to ring up about
>>>> that.
>>>> Because of the long wait, it looks like it'll be about august before we
>>>> are seen. She excels with her school work, and with her piano studies.
>>>> But behaviour wise she is a bit of a nightmare. She is defiant, and
>>>> won't
>>>>
>>>> do what she is asked. I actually got a sighted friend to watch me in
>>>> action, to see if maybe it was something I needed to fix. She was
>>>> there
>>>> for an evening. First, during the meal, Michele went to the fridge
>>>> while
>>>> I was feeding Tim, and took some ham out and ate it. After dinner,
>>>> when I
>>>>
>>>> wanted Michele to help with the dishes, she decided to play with the
>>>> stuff
>>>>
>>>> on the bench when I sunk out to look at what Cath was doing. When ever
>>>> I
>>>> had to attend to the kids, instead of helping with what I'd asked, she
>>>> would touch things, or just stuff the dishes in the drawer with out
>>>> drying
>>>>
>>>> them. Then when I tried to call her to account, she would lie, and not
>>>> admit it, even at spanking her and time out. My friend saw her do
>>>> these
>>>> things, and said I had every thing, but she still was playing up. We
>>>> had
>>>> a load of washing that night, I handed Michele something to hang up,
>>>> and
>>>> she drooped it, then threw the clothing, then hid it under the bed,
>>>> then
>>>> flat out lied about where the clothing was.
>>>> After that night, I decided I'd had enough of her fighting me all the
>>>> time. So I have a new plan. She has to sit by me while I'm doing her
>>>> washing and doing the dishes. If she asks to help, then let her and if
>>>> she starts playing, make her sit by me again. So far, it's sort of
>>>> working after a week. Although the kids ate all my chocolate, and flat
>>>> out lied about it. Michele also has started trying to sass me when I
>>>> tell
>>>>
>>>> her to sit by me, and says things like "you're mean" or "you are
>>>> punishing
>>>>
>>>> me" when I'm not. So I'd had to shut her down.
>>>> To be honest, I am feeling like a total failure as a parent right now.
>>>> It
>>>>
>>>> seems like the kids listen more to dad than me. And they take
>>>> advantage
>>>> of my blindness and hearing loss. I am at a loss what to do.
>>>> Steph
>>>>
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>>>
>>>
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>>
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>
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