[blparent] update on the kids
Peggy
pshald at neb.rr.com
Tue Feb 28 04:08:43 UTC 2012
I did this very thing with my daughter, I took everything out of her room
but her bed, bedding, and clothing. She had to earn everything back by
doing chores and earning points for chores and certain things cost a certain
number of points and she could then earn her stuff back.
-----Original Message-----
From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2012 9:24 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] update on the kids
Hi. My daughter is just about to turn four, so I won't say I know much
about dealing with an eight-year-old. But Sarah's dad had a long talk with
a case worker during an unfounded call from Social Services that happened
when his son was about seven or eight. The relevant thing that came out of
that conversation was that parents have to feed, clothe, and shelter their
children, but not give them a bunch of extras. Most of us want to do as
much as we can for our kids, but I'm wondering if a bit of back to basics
treatment might work for Little Miss Michelle. What I mean is, the social
worker said you have to feed your children, but that means basic sustenance.
That doesn't mean ice cream, chocolate bars, or even favorite foods. We
have to shelter our kids, but we don't have to give them video games,
coloring books, or whatever it is they ask for. We have to give them a safe
place to sleep and be out of the cold, and that's it. We have to give them
clothes, but we don't have to buy the latest pair of shoes they want.
So my idea is, since Michelle is acting out so extremely and needs, in my
opinion, a lesson in how good her life is at present and what she really
has, what if you take away the extras till she earns them back? Remove the
stuff from her room except her bed and clothes. Take away dessert, or if
she refuses to help do the dishes or set the table and other mealtime chores
properly, at her age I would consider even taking away meals except a
sandwich or something that will fill her up and give her nutrition, but not
be hot and tasty and a family occasion. Say that when she wants to pitch in
for the family and get along as a family member, she can start earning back
her privileges. She may come around pretty quickly when she figures out
you're serious. If she goes to Child Protective Services with another story
and the case workers find out what you're doing, they'll back you up because
you aren't breaking any laws. Besides that, they'll talk to her about how
if she keeps going to them with lies, they won't believe her anymore.
I think eight might be a good age for such a shock treatment because kids
are still impressionable, where it might just make a teenager angry, and a
younger child might not understand. It's kind of a radical plan, so you
would probably want to talk to Stan and both be on the same page.
Counseling for yourself is also a good idea, just so you have your own peace
of mind and operate out of concern for Michelle and not out of anger.
Please don't think I'm usually a hard ass, either. It would be really
difficult for me to do what I've suggested. But it seems to me, unless you
take a drastic step, things can only get worse as Michelle gets older.
Jo Elizabeth
"How far you go in life depends on you being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of
the weak and the strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of
these."--George Washington Carver, 1864-1943, American scientist
--------------------------------------------------
From: "stephanie mitchell" <mumwith2kids at gmail.com>
Sent: Monday, February 27, 2012 7:34 PM
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] update on the kids
> hi all,
> She was actually 7 when she did this. August last year. What happened
> was that stan made her write a story about lying and stealing because
> she stole something of mine and then lied about it. She wanted to get
> Stan in trouble, so she said that Stan did some thing to her which I
> wont write here. She said she heard it in the school yard and used it
> to get back at Stan. She also told them I spanked her which is true
> but told lies about how I did it. They woke up quickly she was lying
> about it all. They said she is just an intelliant girl and that there
> was no abuse involved. Dont worry, if she pulled it again she would be
> out of her. I know I need to nip it, but Im at a loss.
>
> On 2/28/12, Kate McEachern <kflsouth at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Dear Steph,
>>
>> I am sorry you are having such a hard time. First you should get some one
>> to
>> speak with your eight year old about how false accusations can ruin
>> people's
>> lives and it is unacceptable regardless of how mad you are at someone. My
>> Daughter is now nine and the sassing and trying to get out of chores is
>> normal but that she reported you to DCF is unacceptable. Personally if it
>> were me she wouldn't be in my house because I don't play games and
>> because I
>> have seen how these naughty girls are as teens you need to stop her now.
>> Not
>> with nicety but strait talk like uncensored talk to make it clear. If you
>> want a kid removed all you do is call the cops and say this child is
>> causing
>> stress for the family we would like her removed from our residence and
>> throw
>> her stuff in a trash bag and give her and it over. Her behavior is not
>> normal defiance it is down right disrespectful and Mom or not you do not
>> have to have her lip and causing stress for your other children. If she
>> is
>> saying things at eight what will she say at twelve? Nip it quick.
>>
>> Just my two cense.
>>
>> Kate
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Stephanie Mitchell" <mumwith2kids at gmail.com>
>> To: "Blind parents Email list" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, February 27, 2012 6:36 PM
>> Subject: [blparent] update on the kids
>>
>>
>>> Hi All,
>>> It's been a while, so I thought I'd write an update on our family.
>>> First, It was Cathy's 5th birthday yesterday. We had a really great
>>> day.
>>> First it was toast for breakfast, Cathy's choice. We had cupcakes at
>>> school. Then last night, I took the 3 kids to hungry Jacks. On the
>>> whole
>>>
>>> it went ok, although they didn't really stay with me when I was
>>> ordering,
>>> and it took about 5 calls to get them back. I held Tim, who is now 18
>>> months, so he was fine. I ate out side near the play area, and let them
>>> play after dinner, then caught a taxi home. Stan got home about 8 pm,
>>> and
>>>
>>> we had chocolate cake to round off the day. Cathy got some sticker
>>> books,
>>>
>>> a dolls house complete with little people in it, and some colouring
>>> stuff.
>>>
>>> She started school 3 weeks ago, and is thriving. She has just started
>>> bringing home the readers each night, which is hard, because unlike
>>> Michele she can't read much yet. But we get there by Cathy spelling
>>> every
>>>
>>> thing to me.
>>> Tim is now 18 months old and growing. He is still cosleeping and
>>> breastfeeding, and I don't plan on stopping that until he's about two.
>>> Then I'll try the gradually wean him. He loves to eat, and eats a large
>>> variety of fruit, vegies, cheese, chicken and lamb. He doesn't really
>>> talk much. He will say mum and dad, bye and nite-nite but that's about
>>> it. He understands every thing though. He always seems to know when we
>>> are going out, and brings me my cane. He also will find things if I ask
>>> him, put things back when asked etc. He loves touching stuff though and
>>> it can be interesting with the other 2 kids in the house. Trying to do
>>> the kids home work while keeping him intertained is a real challenge. He
>>> doesn't like toys, he would rather be doing what every one else is, but
>>> he
>>>
>>> can't. So he gets in to every thing and I feel like a monkey chasing
>>> him
>>> around all the time.
>>> Michele was 8 in January. Since last year when she reported us to
>>> family
>>> services with false accusations of sexual abuse by dad, and reported me
>>> for spanking, we are waiting on an appointment to see the ped. First,
>>> the
>>>
>>> doctor never put me on the waiting list, so I had to ring up about that.
>>> Because of the long wait, it looks like it'll be about august before we
>>> are seen. She excels with her school work, and with her piano studies.
>>> But behaviour wise she is a bit of a nightmare. She is defiant, and
>>> won't
>>>
>>> do what she is asked. I actually got a sighted friend to watch me in
>>> action, to see if maybe it was something I needed to fix. She was there
>>> for an evening. First, during the meal, Michele went to the fridge
>>> while
>>> I was feeding Tim, and took some ham out and ate it. After dinner, when
>>> I
>>>
>>> wanted Michele to help with the dishes, she decided to play with the
>>> stuff
>>>
>>> on the bench when I sunk out to look at what Cath was doing. When ever
>>> I
>>> had to attend to the kids, instead of helping with what I'd asked, she
>>> would touch things, or just stuff the dishes in the drawer with out
>>> drying
>>>
>>> them. Then when I tried to call her to account, she would lie, and not
>>> admit it, even at spanking her and time out. My friend saw her do these
>>> things, and said I had every thing, but she still was playing up. We
>>> had
>>> a load of washing that night, I handed Michele something to hang up, and
>>> she drooped it, then threw the clothing, then hid it under the bed, then
>>> flat out lied about where the clothing was.
>>> After that night, I decided I'd had enough of her fighting me all the
>>> time. So I have a new plan. She has to sit by me while I'm doing her
>>> washing and doing the dishes. If she asks to help, then let her and if
>>> she starts playing, make her sit by me again. So far, it's sort of
>>> working after a week. Although the kids ate all my chocolate, and flat
>>> out lied about it. Michele also has started trying to sass me when I
>>> tell
>>>
>>> her to sit by me, and says things like "you're mean" or "you are
>>> punishing
>>>
>>> me" when I'm not. So I'd had to shut her down.
>>> To be honest, I am feeling like a total failure as a parent right now.
>>> It
>>>
>>> seems like the kids listen more to dad than me. And they take advantage
>>> of my blindness and hearing loss. I am at a loss what to do.
>>> Steph
>>>
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>>
>>
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>
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