[blparent] update on the kids
Peggy
pshald at neb.rr.com
Wed Feb 29 00:58:33 UTC 2012
I hear everyone on this topic, to some it may seem like you have a lack of
love or support for that kid, I mean, it's easy for parents to say ... Oh
how could you get rid of your child I could never do that ... But in all
honesty if you had to you would. Sometimes it's stepping back and doing
what you know is right for the child and your family and if that's letting
them go, for ever, for a few days, for months, then you let them go. I
mentioned this before, my nephew was out of control, my sister tried
everything, but he was using drugs, beating up on her and his brothers,
lying, stealing, not bathing, and she tried everything she could to get him
to straighten out. Finally she let him go live with his dad, who is a
druggie, and after a while, the state got custody of him ... He's back home
now and doing fairly well, working on graduation and playing sports and now
respecting his mom and younger brothers. Sometimes as hard as it is you
have to let your children go, sometimes just to call their bluff, if they
think it's better out there somewhere else and that's going to make them
behave, then by all means let them go to that somewhere else. I would have
done the same with my daughter who was lying, sneaking boys in, shoplifting,
drinking, doing drugs ... but luckily she straightened up ... sort of ... as
much as a teen straightens up. She managed to graduate a year early from
high school, because she still wanted to get out of my house ... and you
know what, she just moved out a couple months ago and we had to basically
tell her to. Her bf wouldn't get a job or anything but was living here so I
finally said, either he contributes or he has to go ... and she went with
him. Two years after she graduated high school, might I add, because her
home and Mommy were so horrible.
Sorry for the long post but I'm just trying to help parents understand that
when we give up our kids sometimes that's the option left and it's not
because parents don't love their kids it's because we do that we have to get
them the help they need.
-----Original Message-----
From: Kate McEachern
Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2012 6:21 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] update on the kids
This isn't about love, its about having pease. When kids act up and a
parent feels overwelmed they can request a child be removed. In South
Florida you can take a child under 16 to any hospital say you can't handle
them because of money, parent child ishues regarding violence (child twords
parent), one child abusing a sibling. There are parents who love children
that act up but for the safty of the other children and some cases the safty
of the parents, a child could be removed either by the state or because the
jparent or child requested so.
I don't think its fair to assume that a parent doesn't love a child and
wants to dump them on the tax payers, its a hard choice to maike but there
are times its called for.
Small kids making acusations that could get a parent in jail is nothing to
play with, and when their a teen you don't see them just straten up and get
it, they get more violent, lie better, and then bring friends who are just
as bad or werce to shop in your house when your at work. These are choices
a parent shouldn't have to make but I have seen it happen and some kids
leave and come back for the better, some never come back, and others keep
acting up and end up in jail later. I'd rather send my kid some where for a
few months or a year rather then wotch them kill themselves.
Kate
----- Original Message -----
From: "Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)" <REBECCA.PICKRELL at tasc.com>
To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, February 28, 2012 11:19 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] update on the kids
> Would she be out of here (as you put it) because you wouldn't want her
> anymore, or because the state?? would remove her?
> If it's the former, I have to wonder if you are conveying the attitude of
> "I don't love or want you" in the things that you do.
> Nobody would want to live under those conditions, and I can see why she's
> acting out.
>
> I have to wonder why, if you feel this way, you wouldn't find a way to
> have her live with someone who did love and want her and you remain
> involved in her life until this gets sorted out.
> I can understand how the behavior of one member of the family has such a
> huge negative impact that that person shouldn't live with the rest of the
> family, but what you've conveyed here, at least to me is "If I hear
> something and decide I don't like it, is, glad to see your back, and don't
> let the door hit you in the ass".
> Nobody would want to live with someone under those conditions.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of stephanie mitchell
> Sent: Monday, February 27, 2012 9:34 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] update on the kids
>
> hi all,
> She was actually 7 when she did this. August last year. What happened
> was that stan made her write a story about lying and stealing because
> she stole something of mine and then lied about it. She wanted to get
> Stan in trouble, so she said that Stan did some thing to her which I
> wont write here. She said she heard it in the school yard and used it
> to get back at Stan. She also told them I spanked her which is true
> but told lies about how I did it. They woke up quickly she was lying
> about it all. They said she is just an intelliant girl and that there
> was no abuse involved. Dont worry, if she pulled it again she would be
> out of her. I know I need to nip it, but Im at a loss.
>
> On 2/28/12, Kate McEachern <kflsouth at gmail.com> wrote:
>> Dear Steph,
>>
>> I am sorry you are having such a hard time. First you should get some one
>> to
>> speak with your eight year old about how false accusations can ruin
>> people's
>> lives and it is unacceptable regardless of how mad you are at someone. My
>> Daughter is now nine and the sassing and trying to get out of chores is
>> normal but that she reported you to DCF is unacceptable. Personally if it
>> were me she wouldn't be in my house because I don't play games and
>> because I
>> have seen how these naughty girls are as teens you need to stop her now.
>> Not
>> with nicety but strait talk like uncensored talk to make it clear. If you
>> want a kid removed all you do is call the cops and say this child is
>> causing
>> stress for the family we would like her removed from our residence and
>> throw
>> her stuff in a trash bag and give her and it over. Her behavior is not
>> normal defiance it is down right disrespectful and Mom or not you do not
>> have to have her lip and causing stress for your other children. If she
>> is
>> saying things at eight what will she say at twelve? Nip it quick.
>>
>> Just my two cense.
>>
>> Kate
>>
>> ----- Original Message -----
>> From: "Stephanie Mitchell" <mumwith2kids at gmail.com>
>> To: "Blind parents Email list" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, February 27, 2012 6:36 PM
>> Subject: [blparent] update on the kids
>>
>>
>>> Hi All,
>>> It's been a while, so I thought I'd write an update on our family.
>>> First, It was Cathy's 5th birthday yesterday. We had a really great
>>> day.
>>> First it was toast for breakfast, Cathy's choice. We had cupcakes at
>>> school. Then last night, I took the 3 kids to hungry Jacks. On the
>>> whole
>>>
>>> it went ok, although they didn't really stay with me when I was
>>> ordering,
>>> and it took about 5 calls to get them back. I held Tim, who is now 18
>>> months, so he was fine. I ate out side near the play area, and let them
>>> play after dinner, then caught a taxi home. Stan got home about 8 pm,
>>> and
>>>
>>> we had chocolate cake to round off the day. Cathy got some sticker
>>> books,
>>>
>>> a dolls house complete with little people in it, and some colouring
>>> stuff.
>>>
>>> She started school 3 weeks ago, and is thriving. She has just started
>>> bringing home the readers each night, which is hard, because unlike
>>> Michele she can't read much yet. But we get there by Cathy spelling
>>> every
>>>
>>> thing to me.
>>> Tim is now 18 months old and growing. He is still cosleeping and
>>> breastfeeding, and I don't plan on stopping that until he's about two.
>>> Then I'll try the gradually wean him. He loves to eat, and eats a large
>>> variety of fruit, vegies, cheese, chicken and lamb. He doesn't really
>>> talk much. He will say mum and dad, bye and nite-nite but that's about
>>> it. He understands every thing though. He always seems to know when we
>>> are going out, and brings me my cane. He also will find things if I ask
>>> him, put things back when asked etc. He loves touching stuff though and
>>> it can be interesting with the other 2 kids in the house. Trying to do
>>> the kids home work while keeping him intertained is a real challenge. He
>>> doesn't like toys, he would rather be doing what every one else is, but
>>> he
>>>
>>> can't. So he gets in to every thing and I feel like a monkey chasing
>>> him
>>> around all the time.
>>> Michele was 8 in January. Since last year when she reported us to
>>> family
>>> services with false accusations of sexual abuse by dad, and reported me
>>> for spanking, we are waiting on an appointment to see the ped. First,
>>> the
>>>
>>> doctor never put me on the waiting list, so I had to ring up about that.
>>> Because of the long wait, it looks like it'll be about august before we
>>> are seen. She excels with her school work, and with her piano studies.
>>> But behaviour wise she is a bit of a nightmare. She is defiant, and
>>> won't
>>>
>>> do what she is asked. I actually got a sighted friend to watch me in
>>> action, to see if maybe it was something I needed to fix. She was there
>>> for an evening. First, during the meal, Michele went to the fridge
>>> while
>>> I was feeding Tim, and took some ham out and ate it. After dinner, when
>>> I
>>>
>>> wanted Michele to help with the dishes, she decided to play with the
>>> stuff
>>>
>>> on the bench when I sunk out to look at what Cath was doing. When ever
>>> I
>>> had to attend to the kids, instead of helping with what I'd asked, she
>>> would touch things, or just stuff the dishes in the drawer with out
>>> drying
>>>
>>> them. Then when I tried to call her to account, she would lie, and not
>>> admit it, even at spanking her and time out. My friend saw her do these
>>> things, and said I had every thing, but she still was playing up. We
>>> had
>>> a load of washing that night, I handed Michele something to hang up, and
>>> she drooped it, then threw the clothing, then hid it under the bed, then
>>> flat out lied about where the clothing was.
>>> After that night, I decided I'd had enough of her fighting me all the
>>> time. So I have a new plan. She has to sit by me while I'm doing her
>>> washing and doing the dishes. If she asks to help, then let her and if
>>> she starts playing, make her sit by me again. So far, it's sort of
>>> working after a week. Although the kids ate all my chocolate, and flat
>>> out lied about it. Michele also has started trying to sass me when I
>>> tell
>>>
>>> her to sit by me, and says things like "you're mean" or "you are
>>> punishing
>>>
>>> me" when I'm not. So I'd had to shut her down.
>>> To be honest, I am feeling like a total failure as a parent right now.
>>> It
>>>
>>> seems like the kids listen more to dad than me. And they take advantage
>>> of my blindness and hearing loss. I am at a loss what to do.
>>> Steph
>>>
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>>
>>
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>
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