[blparent] Behavior problems

[jan wright]

Hi Nikki,
My take is slightly different and never meant to criticize, so please
take it for what it is worht.
If you can use any suggestion: Great! If not, just disregard.

 Your son could be tired of school-like activities, especially ones
that might seem to him to be mundain and have no reason.
Chores and a scavenger hunt are all great ideas!
there are also memory games that build on following  directions. the
directions get more complicated as the game goes on.
My older children have been through the detention phase and honestly,
I see very little reason for it.
There is a silver lining if you can get your child to understand why
he is there and how he can avoid it: other than that, I find
detention, much like suspention etc, as ways for school staff to put
all problems in one room to either punish or not disrupt the "non
problem" students -- which doesn't exactly help your guy any.
Most kids in detention just sit and widdle away the time: or make "not
so good" connections with others who are in detention.
And, don't get my started on medicating for behavioral purposese. (ugg)
Maybe your child need a different learning environment.
I would try to find out if there is a certain time of day when he has
a hard time following directions,
what else is going on in the classroom,
how is he feeling about the work that he is doing,
.
when you give your son "something" to do, make sure that he repeats it
back to you. That will let you know that he understands the direction
and is cued into you.
When/if he gets off task, find out why. did he just get distracted or
is he purposely not doing what he is told because he finds it too much
effort or boring or whatever???
Sometimes, it is a good idea if he can write the list himself: and
make it meaningful.
For example:
when I get home, I am to:
take out the trash (obvious reason for that one),
 pick up my room,
go through each paper in my bookbag with mom,
etc.
Try not to make the tasks so many that he is overwhelmed. Just a
couple at first.
And, try to make them easy enough that you can verify if they are finished.
Remind him to look at his list. It will be more interesting if he
makes it. And, maybe ask him if he thinks there is anything else he
wants to add.
Also, show him your to do lists  sometimes. Remind him that we all
must follow directions. We are all told what to do by "someone"
And, you could even talk about doing things that you don't necessarily
want to do, but must.
Also, maybe he needs some instant gratification for following those
directions. "When these things are done, you can have your snack."
then, when he gets off task, you can remind him to look at list and
remind him of his reward when he is finished.
Just some thoughts.
Dr. William Sears has a website:
www.askdrsears.com
which might be helpful.