[blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

Thu Jun 7 01:05:19 UTC 2012

I admit it. my emails are too short, too to the point and that has caused problems  for me in personal as well as professional aspects of my life. can I fix it, maybe. can I do that right now. probably not.
Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
Website: http://thebt.net

On Jun 6, 2012, at 11:46 AM, Jennifer Jackson wrote:

> Gabe, I did go back and reread my own message after reading this from you. I
> do understand how it may have sounded like I was making a threat. My actual
> point was for you to try to consider what your own message sounded like from
> the other end as it was full of personal inferences about Jo Elizabeth. You
> had to know that the word welfare is full of negative connotations even if
> you are oblivious to the sexist nature of your message.  . I am obviously
> not the only one who thought you were being intentionally rude in your first
> post about this. This seems to happen a lot with your messages even though
> you always deny having such an intent when called on it. I would consider
> this a communication problem if your neutral or good intentions are being
> misunderstood this often. 
> 
> 
> Jennifer
> 
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Gabe Vega
> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 7:38 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
> 
> first off, I know what my history is and I am very public. I really don't
> care who knows what or says what, because if you look hard enough the
> majority of my life is viewable online. On Purpose! I live life very
> publicly so your threats of me being careful are laim.
> 
> secondly it was not to cause trouble, just simply after reading it all day,
> my curiosity had to be answered. thats all.
> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
> Website: http://thebt.net
> 
> On Jun 6, 2012, at 10:54 AM, Jennifer Jackson wrote:
> 
>> Gabe,
>> 
>> As Jo Elizabeth started off talking about just wanting this boy to pick up
>> after himself, where are you coming from on this message? Once again I am
>> left with the distinct impression that you just posted this to start
>> trouble, rather than trying to contribute to the conversation.
>> 
>> Please try to stop doing this. How would you like it if some of us started
>> making some personal attacks related to your work and relationship
> history?
>> The blind community is a small one, so please do not think I do not know
>> personal stuff about you.
>> 
>> 
>> Jennifer
>> you
>> 
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Gabe Vega
>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 4:26 PM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>> 
>> this is probably going to ruffle some feathers, but, if you don't work 8
>> hours a day like husband does, what is wrong with you being the house
>> cleaner? I mean, you want to step son to put his share in but what about
>> you. since your husband brings in the income, and I am not counting SSI as
>> income, its a welfare check. then why aren't you expected to clean up
> around
>> the house. irrelevant to the step son helping out or not?
>> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
>> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
>> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
>> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
>> Website: http://thebt.net
>> 
>> On Jun 6, 2012, at 2:20 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
>> 
>>> I did try that with the skateboard, and I also have it set up for us to
> go
>> to the zoo on Friday.  And probably an amusement park later in the summer.
> I
>> do want to have fun and positive memories, and not just be the evil
>> stepmother who nags about stuff all the time, but there's a fine line I'm
>> struggling with between keeping harmony in the home by being the
> involuntary
>> maid and housekeeper, which makes me angry and resentful, and trying to
> get
>> both my stepson and his dad to see that helping out a bit would be better
>> for us all.
>>> 
>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>> 
>>> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a
>> song."  Maya Angelou
>>> 
>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>> From: "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com>
>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 3:08 PM
>>> To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>> 
>>>> I agree entirely with Bernadetta's post.  You have to have order in the
>> home
>>>> but the last thing you need is to become the evil step mother while the
>>>> biological parents aren't reinforcing the rules along with you.  To go
>> more
>>>> into depth with what I mentioned in my first post, something you might
>>>> consider trying is to sit down with your step-son and talk to him about
>> what
>>>> he feels would be reasonable and fair to do around the home to help-out
>> the
>>>> family and what punishments he also feels would fit the crime so to
>> speak.
>>>> You'll have to go back and forth in conversation to agree on things but
>> this
>>>> might help him feel a sense of control in the situation and treated like
>> an
>>>> adult in a lot of ways which I believe he'll really respect you for.
>> Speak
>>>> to him from your heart and explain why you'd like to see certain things
>> done
>>>> and how much it means to you when he does help out.  This young lad is
>>>> hurting inside as are all children of broken homes so just try to keep
>>>> loving him with all your might while keeping communication lines open
> and
>>>> enforcing rules.  If the you know what hits the fan, simply stop, sit
>> down
>>>> and continue having dialog with the boy to let him know how his actions
>> are
>>>> effecting the balance of the home.  When he does good make an extra
> point
>> to
>>>> praise him with hugs and positive words and an occasional material treat
>> but
>>>> try to avoid rewarding him mostly with material treats because that just
>>>> keeps him focusing on himself and what he wants thus negatively
> effecting
>>>> his motives for doing the right thing in the first place. I hope this
>> helps.
>>>> 
>>>> Erin
>>>> 
>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
> On
>>>> Behalf Of Bernadetta Pracon
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 12:14 PM
>>>> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>> 
>>>> Hi everyone,
>>>> Ok, maybe it's not necessarily my place to comment on this thread
> because
>> I
>>>> only have a baby, therefore not as much experience with parenting as
> most
>> of
>>>> you, and I do not have any stepchildren. However, I've been following
>> this
>>>> thread because I found the predicament interesting.
>>>> I definitely feel for you Jo; You have a way of life, an order of
> things,
>>>> and it's unfortunate that a son you hadn't raised yourself has trouble
>>>> following your rules. From your posts on this listserve, it seems that
>>>> you're a great parent and that Sarah will grow up to be a calm,
>> responsible,
>>>> kind person.
>>>> Here's my two cents on the issue: I think that what Rebecca suggested is
>>>> well-intended, but probably a bit too harsh. I understand that a
> teenager
>>>> needs to learn how to be an adult, must take responsibility, etc. But
>>>> perhaps punishing with food, or lack there of rather, is not the way to
>> go.
>>>> It's not horrible perSey, but all the same, you don't want to make him
>> feel
>>>> like he's unwelcome at your home, especially since he is your husbands
>> son
>>>> and your daughter's big brother. Perhaps the "no meal" punishment would
>> be
>>>> acceptable if the child was only yours to raise, meaning that he had no
>>>> outside parental influence besides yourself and your husband, but let's
>> face
>>>> it--The boy has what he probably refers to as his real mom, and that
>> person
>>>> isn't you. Maybe I'm not wording this properly, but my point is that
>> whether
>>>> we like to realize it or not, there are always some unspoken rules about
>> the
>>>> boundaries of a stepparent versus a natural parent, if not in the minds
>> of
>>>> the adults, than in that of the children's at least. Perhaps there are
>>>> situations where a stepparent is more influencial, more involved than
> the
>>>> real parents, and it's always good to teach a young person valuable life
>>>> lessons. But my reasoning is, if you go behind your husband's back and
>>>> refuse to serve his son a meal because he ignored you, no matter how
>> calmly
>>>> it's done, I can't really see a good outcome.
>>>> He'll tell his mother that Jo doesn't feed him when he's there, the mom
>> will
>>>> no doubt have a word with dad about it, who will in turn be a bit miffed
>> at
>>>> Jo for her eforts, even though they were well intended. Step children
> are
>> a
>>>> tricky situation sometimes. I know because I was  raised by a single mom
>> who
>>>> dated and was engaged once, then married. My stepfather was a great guy
>> in
>>>> theory, but he was also the man who contributed to some changes during
> my
>>>> childhood that I didnt'
>>>> necessarily welcome back then. In retrospect, he did a wonderful job in
>>>> trying to be a parent, but there were times when he tried to enforce
>> rules
>>>> that my mom didn't necessarily agree with, and I resented him for that
>>>> because I felt he wasn't my real parent, and if my mom said that
>> something
>>>> was ok then it should have been ok. That way of thinking is obviously
> not
>>>> very fair to the stepparent, I realize that now; I'm just trying to
> bring
>>>> forth the mind set of a child in that situation.
>>>> My point in this long-winded ramble is that perhaps there are more
>> proactive
>>>> ways to teach this boy his responsibilities than to deprive him of a
> meal
>> or
>>>> something to that effect. I don't think it would benefit anyone if Jo
> was
>> to
>>>> be seen as the evil stepmom, something she certainly isn't. Try to
>> resolve
>>>> this issue in such a way that would avoid conflict between yourself,
> your
>>>> husband, and his son's mother.
>>>> You say, jo, that the kid is a good boy for the most part; Maybe
>> resorting
>>>> to such consequences might not be necessary.
>>>> 
>>>> Just my two cents, for what it's worth.
>>>> 
>>>> Bernadetta.
>>>> 
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