[blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

Thu Jun 7 03:02:05 UTC 2012

Oh, they're plenty long enough.  They're arrogant, rude and abrasive.

Jo Elizabeth

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a 
song."  Maya Angelou

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 7:05 PM
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

> I admit it. my emails are too short, too to the point and that has caused 
> problems  for me in personal as well as professional aspects of my life. 
> can I fix it, maybe. can I do that right now. probably not.
> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
> Website: http://thebt.net
>
> On Jun 6, 2012, at 11:46 AM, Jennifer Jackson wrote:
>
>> Gabe, I did go back and reread my own message after reading this from 
>> you. I
>> do understand how it may have sounded like I was making a threat. My 
>> actual
>> point was for you to try to consider what your own message sounded like 
>> from
>> the other end as it was full of personal inferences about Jo Elizabeth. 
>> You
>> had to know that the word welfare is full of negative connotations even 
>> if
>> you are oblivious to the sexist nature of your message.  . I am obviously
>> not the only one who thought you were being intentionally rude in your 
>> first
>> post about this. This seems to happen a lot with your messages even 
>> though
>> you always deny having such an intent when called on it. I would consider
>> this a communication problem if your neutral or good intentions are being
>> misunderstood this often.
>>
>>
>> Jennifer
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Gabe Vega
>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 7:38 PM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>
>> first off, I know what my history is and I am very public. I really don't
>> care who knows what or says what, because if you look hard enough the
>> majority of my life is viewable online. On Purpose! I live life very
>> publicly so your threats of me being careful are laim.
>>
>> secondly it was not to cause trouble, just simply after reading it all 
>> day,
>> my curiosity had to be answered. thats all.
>> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
>> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
>> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
>> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
>> Website: http://thebt.net
>>
>> On Jun 6, 2012, at 10:54 AM, Jennifer Jackson wrote:
>>
>>> Gabe,
>>>
>>> As Jo Elizabeth started off talking about just wanting this boy to pick 
>>> up
>>> after himself, where are you coming from on this message? Once again I 
>>> am
>>> left with the distinct impression that you just posted this to start
>>> trouble, rather than trying to contribute to the conversation.
>>>
>>> Please try to stop doing this. How would you like it if some of us 
>>> started
>>> making some personal attacks related to your work and relationship
>> history?
>>> The blind community is a small one, so please do not think I do not know
>>> personal stuff about you.
>>>
>>>
>>> Jennifer
>>> you
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] 
>>> On
>>> Behalf Of Gabe Vega
>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 4:26 PM
>>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>
>>> this is probably going to ruffle some feathers, but, if you don't work 8
>>> hours a day like husband does, what is wrong with you being the house
>>> cleaner? I mean, you want to step son to put his share in but what about
>>> you. since your husband brings in the income, and I am not counting SSI 
>>> as
>>> income, its a welfare check. then why aren't you expected to clean up
>> around
>>> the house. irrelevant to the step son helping out or not?
>>> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
>>> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
>>> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
>>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
>>> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
>>> Website: http://thebt.net
>>>
>>> On Jun 6, 2012, at 2:20 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
>>>
>>>> I did try that with the skateboard, and I also have it set up for us to
>> go
>>> to the zoo on Friday.  And probably an amusement park later in the 
>>> summer.
>> I
>>> do want to have fun and positive memories, and not just be the evil
>>> stepmother who nags about stuff all the time, but there's a fine line 
>>> I'm
>>> struggling with between keeping harmony in the home by being the
>> involuntary
>>> maid and housekeeper, which makes me angry and resentful, and trying to
>> get
>>> both my stepson and his dad to see that helping out a bit would be 
>>> better
>>> for us all.
>>>>
>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>
>>>> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has 
>>>> a
>>> song."  Maya Angelou
>>>>
>>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>>> From: "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com>
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 3:08 PM
>>>> To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>>
>>>>> I agree entirely with Bernadetta's post.  You have to have order in 
>>>>> the
>>> home
>>>>> but the last thing you need is to become the evil step mother while 
>>>>> the
>>>>> biological parents aren't reinforcing the rules along with you.  To go
>>> more
>>>>> into depth with what I mentioned in my first post, something you might
>>>>> consider trying is to sit down with your step-son and talk to him 
>>>>> about
>>> what
>>>>> he feels would be reasonable and fair to do around the home to 
>>>>> help-out
>>> the
>>>>> family and what punishments he also feels would fit the crime so to
>>> speak.
>>>>> You'll have to go back and forth in conversation to agree on things 
>>>>> but
>>> this
>>>>> might help him feel a sense of control in the situation and treated 
>>>>> like
>>> an
>>>>> adult in a lot of ways which I believe he'll really respect you for.
>>> Speak
>>>>> to him from your heart and explain why you'd like to see certain 
>>>>> things
>>> done
>>>>> and how much it means to you when he does help out.  This young lad is
>>>>> hurting inside as are all children of broken homes so just try to keep
>>>>> loving him with all your might while keeping communication lines open
>> and
>>>>> enforcing rules.  If the you know what hits the fan, simply stop, sit
>>> down
>>>>> and continue having dialog with the boy to let him know how his 
>>>>> actions
>>> are
>>>>> effecting the balance of the home.  When he does good make an extra
>> point
>>> to
>>>>> praise him with hugs and positive words and an occasional material 
>>>>> treat
>>> but
>>>>> try to avoid rewarding him mostly with material treats because that 
>>>>> just
>>>>> keeps him focusing on himself and what he wants thus negatively
>> effecting
>>>>> his motives for doing the right thing in the first place. I hope this
>>> helps.
>>>>>
>>>>> Erin
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>> On
>>>>> Behalf Of Bernadetta Pracon
>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 12:14 PM
>>>>> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>>>
>>>>> Hi everyone,
>>>>> Ok, maybe it's not necessarily my place to comment on this thread
>> because
>>> I
>>>>> only have a baby, therefore not as much experience with parenting as
>> most
>>> of
>>>>> you, and I do not have any stepchildren. However, I've been following
>>> this
>>>>> thread because I found the predicament interesting.
>>>>> I definitely feel for you Jo; You have a way of life, an order of
>> things,
>>>>> and it's unfortunate that a son you hadn't raised yourself has trouble
>>>>> following your rules. From your posts on this listserve, it seems that
>>>>> you're a great parent and that Sarah will grow up to be a calm,
>>> responsible,
>>>>> kind person.
>>>>> Here's my two cents on the issue: I think that what Rebecca suggested 
>>>>> is
>>>>> well-intended, but probably a bit too harsh. I understand that a
>> teenager
>>>>> needs to learn how to be an adult, must take responsibility, etc. But
>>>>> perhaps punishing with food, or lack there of rather, is not the way 
>>>>> to
>>> go.
>>>>> It's not horrible perSey, but all the same, you don't want to make him
>>> feel
>>>>> like he's unwelcome at your home, especially since he is your husbands
>>> son
>>>>> and your daughter's big brother. Perhaps the "no meal" punishment 
>>>>> would
>>> be
>>>>> acceptable if the child was only yours to raise, meaning that he had 
>>>>> no
>>>>> outside parental influence besides yourself and your husband, but 
>>>>> let's
>>> face
>>>>> it--The boy has what he probably refers to as his real mom, and that
>>> person
>>>>> isn't you. Maybe I'm not wording this properly, but my point is that
>>> whether
>>>>> we like to realize it or not, there are always some unspoken rules 
>>>>> about
>>> the
>>>>> boundaries of a stepparent versus a natural parent, if not in the 
>>>>> minds
>>> of
>>>>> the adults, than in that of the children's at least. Perhaps there are
>>>>> situations where a stepparent is more influencial, more involved than
>> the
>>>>> real parents, and it's always good to teach a young person valuable 
>>>>> life
>>>>> lessons. But my reasoning is, if you go behind your husband's back and
>>>>> refuse to serve his son a meal because he ignored you, no matter how
>>> calmly
>>>>> it's done, I can't really see a good outcome.
>>>>> He'll tell his mother that Jo doesn't feed him when he's there, the 
>>>>> mom
>>> will
>>>>> no doubt have a word with dad about it, who will in turn be a bit 
>>>>> miffed
>>> at
>>>>> Jo for her eforts, even though they were well intended. Step children
>> are
>>> a
>>>>> tricky situation sometimes. I know because I was  raised by a single 
>>>>> mom
>>> who
>>>>> dated and was engaged once, then married. My stepfather was a great 
>>>>> guy
>>> in
>>>>> theory, but he was also the man who contributed to some changes during
>> my
>>>>> childhood that I didnt'
>>>>> necessarily welcome back then. In retrospect, he did a wonderful job 
>>>>> in
>>>>> trying to be a parent, but there were times when he tried to enforce
>>> rules
>>>>> that my mom didn't necessarily agree with, and I resented him for that
>>>>> because I felt he wasn't my real parent, and if my mom said that
>>> something
>>>>> was ok then it should have been ok. That way of thinking is obviously
>> not
>>>>> very fair to the stepparent, I realize that now; I'm just trying to
>> bring
>>>>> forth the mind set of a child in that situation.
>>>>> My point in this long-winded ramble is that perhaps there are more
>>> proactive
>>>>> ways to teach this boy his responsibilities than to deprive him of a
>> meal
>>> or
>>>>> something to that effect. I don't think it would benefit anyone if Jo
>> was
>>> to
>>>>> be seen as the evil stepmom, something she certainly isn't. Try to
>>> resolve
>>>>> this issue in such a way that would avoid conflict between yourself,
>> your
>>>>> husband, and his son's mother.
>>>>> You say, jo, that the kid is a good boy for the most part; Maybe
>>> resorting
>>>>> to such consequences might not be necessary.
>>>>>
>>>>> Just my two cents, for what it's worth.
>>>>>
>>>>> Bernadetta.
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
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