[blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

Thu Jun 7 02:56:06 UTC 2012

We all have full plates.  We all work hard.  It's what grown-ups do.  If 
there's someone handing out medals for that, I haven't got mine yet.

Jo Elizabeth

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a 
song."  Maya Angelou

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 6:34 PM
To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

> Gabe, if you really work so hard as a single parent then you should
> understand the hard work that Jo Elizabeth is going through and not post
> rood comments like you did.  I'll leave it at that.  We're not wanting 
> sugar
> coated comments, just polite and respectful decency.
>
> Erin
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Gabe Vega
> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 4:39 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>
> 1. I am a single father. 2. there are many times where my work, my leisure
> and my dating life ha have to been sacrificed based on me knowing what its
> like to have to be the single parent. I have had to schedule my work
> schedule around her school schedule, I have to take off work when she is
> sick. I have no other parent to lean on when I need a break. so get over 
> it.
> we are all in the blind parental struggle some how and I might not be
> eloquent, but I get things done. maybe the point didn't come across all 
> nice
> and pretty like you wanted it but it wasn't an insult I tell you that 
> much.
> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
> Website: http://thebt.net
>
> On Jun 6, 2012, at 4:06 PM, Erin Rumer wrote:
>
>> Gabe, why do you have to go starting fires again on the list with your
>> rash insults.  It's one thing to share opinions about something, but
>> gentle tact should be used.  We are all just trying to help Jo
>> Elizabeth out here with a truly difficult situation, why can't you do
>> the same or reframe from responding to this thread?  Until you've
>> actually stayed at home and taken care of a house and family 24 hours
>> a day, plus trying to squeeze in an extra job to earn extra income,
>> please don't make assumptions.  You talk like Jo Elizabeth is telling
>> all of us that she wants her step-son to take on all the house duties
>> while she sits around and eats potato chips and watches Oprah.  The
>> woman puts in more hours than she probably should for her own health
>> and sanity as do a lot of us and this is not a job that we can punch
>> out of after 8 hours sir!  Now let's get back to the wonderful blind
> parent list we're designed to be.
>>
>> Erin
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>> On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 2:39 PM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>
>> First of all, for your information, I don't get an SSI check, or a
>> welfare check of any kind.  Not that it's any of your damn business
>> where my money comes from, but I work from home as a braille
>> proofreader.  Most of the money to support my household comes from me.
>> Frankly, I work my ass off.  I spend time with my daughter and stepson
>> during the day, working when I can, and then I work for three or four
>> hours a night when my daughter has gone to bed.  My stepson's dad--who
>> is not my husband by the way I only say stepson for lack of a less
>> awkward word--owns a small watch repair shop, so he is gone from the
>> house during the day, but both of us are working.  Secondly, it would be
> nice if you check the facts before you run off at the mouth.
>> And thirdly, even if I didn't have a job besides being a homemaker,
>> which I do, I should be able to expect some help and cooperation from
>> the other people who live with me.  I'll stop there because the resst
>> of what I feel like saying wouldn't be appropriate for a family-oriented
> list.
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth
>>
>> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has
>> a song."  Maya Angelou
>>
>> --------------------------------------------------
>> From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 3:26 PM
>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>
>>> this is probably going to ruffle some feathers, but, if you don't
>>> work
>>> 8 hours a day like husband does, what is wrong with you being the
>>> house cleaner? I mean, you want to step son to put his share in but
>>> what about you. since your husband brings in the income, and I am not
>>> counting SSI as income, its a welfare check. then why aren't you
>>> expected to clean up around the house. irrelevant to the step son
>>> helping
>> out or not?
>>> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
>>> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
>>> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
>>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
>>> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
>>> Website: http://thebt.net
>>>
>>> On Jun 6, 2012, at 2:20 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
>>>
>>>> I did try that with the skateboard, and I also have it set up for us
>>>> to go to the zoo on Friday.  And probably an amusement park later in
>>>> the summer. I do want to have fun and positive memories, and not
>>>> just be the evil stepmother who nags about stuff all the time, but
>>>> there's a fine line I'm struggling with between keeping harmony in
>>>> the home by being the involuntary maid and housekeeper, which makes
>>>> me angry and resentful, and trying to get both my stepson and his
>>>> dad to see that helping out a bit would be better for us all.
>>>>
>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>
>>>> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it
>>>> has a song."  Maya Angelou
>>>>
>>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>>> From: "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com>
>>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 3:08 PM
>>>> To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>>
>>>>> I agree entirely with Bernadetta's post.  You have to have order in
>>>>> the home but the last thing you need is to become the evil step
>>>>> mother while the biological parents aren't reinforcing the rules
>>>>> along with you.  To go more into depth with what I mentioned in my
>>>>> first post, something you might consider trying is to sit down with
>>>>> your step-son and talk to him about what he feels would be
>>>>> reasonable and fair to do around the home to help-out the family
>>>>> and what punishments he also feels would fit the crime so to speak.
>>>>> You'll have to go back and forth in conversation to agree on things
>>>>> but this might help him feel a sense of control in the situation
>>>>> and treated like an adult in a lot of ways which I believe he'll
>>>>> really respect you for.
>>>>> Speak
>>>>> to him from your heart and explain why you'd like to see certain
>>>>> things done and how much it means to you when he does help out.
>>>>> This young lad is hurting inside as are all children of broken
>>>>> homes so just try to keep loving him with all your might while
>>>>> keeping communication lines open and enforcing rules.  If the you
>>>>> know what hits the fan, simply stop, sit down and continue having
>>>>> dialog with the boy to let him know how his actions are effecting
>>>>> the balance of the home.  When he does good make an extra point to
>>>>> praise him with hugs and positive words and an occasional material
>>>>> treat but try to avoid rewarding him mostly with material treats
>>>>> because that just keeps him focusing on himself and what he wants
>>>>> thus negatively effecting his motives for doing the right thing in the
> first place.
>>>>> I hope this helps.
>>>>>
>>>>> Erin
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>>> [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>>>> On
>>>>> Behalf Of Bernadetta Pracon
>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 12:14 PM
>>>>> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>>>
>>>>> Hi everyone,
>>>>> Ok, maybe it's not necessarily my place to comment on this thread
>>>>> because I only have a baby, therefore not as much experience with
>>>>> parenting as most of you, and I do not have any stepchildren.
>>>>> However, I've been following this thread because I found the
>>>>> predicament interesting.
>>>>> I definitely feel for you Jo; You have a way of life, an order of
>>>>> things, and it's unfortunate that a son you hadn't raised yourself
>>>>> has trouble following your rules. From your posts on this
>>>>> listserve, it seems that you're a great parent and that Sarah will
>>>>> grow up to be a calm, responsible, kind person.
>>>>> Here's my two cents on the issue: I think that what Rebecca
>>>>> suggested is well-intended, but probably a bit too harsh. I
>>>>> understand that a teenager needs to learn how to be an adult, must
>>>>> take responsibility, etc. But perhaps punishing with food, or lack
>>>>> there of rather, is not the way to go.
>>>>> It's not horrible perSey, but all the same, you don't want to make
>>>>> him feel like he's unwelcome at your home, especially since he is
>>>>> your husbands son and your daughter's big brother. Perhaps the "no
>>>>> meal" punishment would be acceptable if the child was only yours to
>>>>> raise, meaning that he had no outside parental influence besides
>>>>> yourself and your husband, but let's face it--The boy has what he
>>>>> probably refers to as his real mom, and that person isn't you.
>>>>> Maybe I'm not wording this properly, but my point is that whether
>>>>> we like to realize it or not, there are always some unspoken rules
>>>>> about the boundaries of a stepparent versus a natural parent, if
>>>>> not in the minds of the adults, than in that of the children's at
> least.
>>>>> Perhaps there are situations where a stepparent is more
>>>>> influencial, more involved than the real parents, and it's always
>>>>> good to teach a young person valuable life lessons. But my
>>>>> reasoning is, if you go behind your husband's back and refuse to
>>>>> serve his son a meal because he ignored you, no matter how calmly
>>>>> it's done, I can't really see a good outcome.
>>>>> He'll tell his mother that Jo doesn't feed him when he's there, the
>>>>> mom will no doubt have a word with dad about it, who will in turn
>>>>> be a bit miffed at Jo for her eforts, even though they were well
>>>>> intended. Step children are a tricky situation sometimes. I know
>>>>> because I was  raised by a single mom who dated and was engaged
>>>>> once, then married. My stepfather was a great guy in theory, but he
>>>>> was also the man who contributed to some changes during my
>>>>> childhood that I didnt'
>>>>> necessarily welcome back then. In retrospect, he did a wonderful
>>>>> job in trying to be a parent, but there were times when he tried to
>>>>> enforce rules that my mom didn't necessarily agree with, and I
>>>>> resented him for that because I felt he wasn't my real parent, and
>>>>> if my mom said that something was ok then it should have been ok.
>>>>> That way of thinking is obviously not very fair to the stepparent,
>>>>> I realize that now; I'm just trying to bring forth the mind set of
>>>>> a child in that situation.
>>>>> My point in this long-winded ramble is that perhaps there are more
>>>>> proactive ways to teach this boy his responsibilities than to
>>>>> deprive him of a meal or something to that effect. I don't think it
>>>>> would benefit anyone if Jo was to be seen as the evil stepmom,
>>>>> something she certainly isn't. Try to resolve this issue in such a
>>>>> way that would avoid conflict between yourself, your husband, and
>>>>> his son's mother.
>>>>> You say, jo, that the kid is a good boy for the most part; Maybe
>>>>> resorting to such consequences might not be necessary.
>>>>>
>>>>> Just my two cents, for what it's worth.
>>>>>
>>>>> Bernadetta.
>>>>>
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>>>>>
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