[blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

Thu Jun 7 02:57:56 UTC 2012

Give that man a medal.

Jo Elizabeth

"A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a 
song."  Maya Angelou

--------------------------------------------------
From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 6:41 PM
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!

> what do you mean If? you think I'm not telling the truth, do you really 
> want me to be like the rest of the drama queens on the list and really 
> give you a daily report of what I put up with all day as a single parent? 
> as my daughter's mother is out somewhere having sex and cracked out 
> somewhere for attention? get off it lady and just know that I do this 
> parent thing every day. and have been for the past 5.5 years since I got 
> custody of my daughter. that I fought to get for 2 years.
> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
> Website: http://thebt.net
>
> On Jun 6, 2012, at 5:34 PM, Erin Rumer wrote:
>
>> Gabe, if you really work so hard as a single parent then you should
>> understand the hard work that Jo Elizabeth is going through and not post
>> rood comments like you did.  I'll leave it at that.  We're not wanting 
>> sugar
>> coated comments, just polite and respectful decency.
>>
>> Erin
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>> Behalf Of Gabe Vega
>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 4:39 PM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>
>> 1. I am a single father. 2. there are many times where my work, my 
>> leisure
>> and my dating life ha have to been sacrificed based on me knowing what 
>> its
>> like to have to be the single parent. I have had to schedule my work
>> schedule around her school schedule, I have to take off work when she is
>> sick. I have no other parent to lean on when I need a break. so get over 
>> it.
>> we are all in the blind parental struggle some how and I might not be
>> eloquent, but I get things done. maybe the point didn't come across all 
>> nice
>> and pretty like you wanted it but it wasn't an insult I tell you that 
>> much.
>> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
>> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
>> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
>> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
>> Website: http://thebt.net
>>
>> On Jun 6, 2012, at 4:06 PM, Erin Rumer wrote:
>>
>>> Gabe, why do you have to go starting fires again on the list with your
>>> rash insults.  It's one thing to share opinions about something, but
>>> gentle tact should be used.  We are all just trying to help Jo
>>> Elizabeth out here with a truly difficult situation, why can't you do
>>> the same or reframe from responding to this thread?  Until you've
>>> actually stayed at home and taken care of a house and family 24 hours
>>> a day, plus trying to squeeze in an extra job to earn extra income,
>>> please don't make assumptions.  You talk like Jo Elizabeth is telling
>>> all of us that she wants her step-son to take on all the house duties
>>> while she sits around and eats potato chips and watches Oprah.  The
>>> woman puts in more hours than she probably should for her own health
>>> and sanity as do a lot of us and this is not a job that we can punch
>>> out of after 8 hours sir!  Now let's get back to the wonderful blind
>> parent list we're designed to be.
>>>
>>> Erin
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>> On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 2:39 PM
>>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>
>>> First of all, for your information, I don't get an SSI check, or a
>>> welfare check of any kind.  Not that it's any of your damn business
>>> where my money comes from, but I work from home as a braille
>>> proofreader.  Most of the money to support my household comes from me.
>>> Frankly, I work my ass off.  I spend time with my daughter and stepson
>>> during the day, working when I can, and then I work for three or four
>>> hours a night when my daughter has gone to bed.  My stepson's dad--who
>>> is not my husband by the way I only say stepson for lack of a less
>>> awkward word--owns a small watch repair shop, so he is gone from the
>>> house during the day, but both of us are working.  Secondly, it would be
>> nice if you check the facts before you run off at the mouth.
>>> And thirdly, even if I didn't have a job besides being a homemaker,
>>> which I do, I should be able to expect some help and cooperation from
>>> the other people who live with me.  I'll stop there because the resst
>>> of what I feel like saying wouldn't be appropriate for a family-oriented
>> list.
>>>
>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>
>>> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has
>>> a song."  Maya Angelou
>>>
>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>> From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 3:26 PM
>>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>
>>>> this is probably going to ruffle some feathers, but, if you don't
>>>> work
>>>> 8 hours a day like husband does, what is wrong with you being the
>>>> house cleaner? I mean, you want to step son to put his share in but
>>>> what about you. since your husband brings in the income, and I am not
>>>> counting SSI as income, its a welfare check. then why aren't you
>>>> expected to clean up around the house. irrelevant to the step son
>>>> helping
>>> out or not?
>>>> Gabe Vega - Sent from my Macbook Air
>>>> Phone Voice/Text: (623) 565-9357
>>>> Email: theblindtech at gmail.com
>>>> Twitter: http://twitter.com/blindtech
>>>> FaceBook: http://facebook.com/blindtech
>>>> Website: http://thebt.net
>>>>
>>>> On Jun 6, 2012, at 2:20 PM, Jo Elizabeth Pinto wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> I did try that with the skateboard, and I also have it set up for us
>>>>> to go to the zoo on Friday.  And probably an amusement park later in
>>>>> the summer. I do want to have fun and positive memories, and not
>>>>> just be the evil stepmother who nags about stuff all the time, but
>>>>> there's a fine line I'm struggling with between keeping harmony in
>>>>> the home by being the involuntary maid and housekeeper, which makes
>>>>> me angry and resentful, and trying to get both my stepson and his
>>>>> dad to see that helping out a bit would be better for us all.
>>>>>
>>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>>
>>>>> "A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it
>>>>> has a song."  Maya Angelou
>>>>>
>>>>> --------------------------------------------------
>>>>> From: "Erin Rumer" <erinrumer at gmail.com>
>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 3:08 PM
>>>>> To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>>>
>>>>>> I agree entirely with Bernadetta's post.  You have to have order in
>>>>>> the home but the last thing you need is to become the evil step
>>>>>> mother while the biological parents aren't reinforcing the rules
>>>>>> along with you.  To go more into depth with what I mentioned in my
>>>>>> first post, something you might consider trying is to sit down with
>>>>>> your step-son and talk to him about what he feels would be
>>>>>> reasonable and fair to do around the home to help-out the family
>>>>>> and what punishments he also feels would fit the crime so to speak.
>>>>>> You'll have to go back and forth in conversation to agree on things
>>>>>> but this might help him feel a sense of control in the situation
>>>>>> and treated like an adult in a lot of ways which I believe he'll
>>>>>> really respect you for.
>>>>>> Speak
>>>>>> to him from your heart and explain why you'd like to see certain
>>>>>> things done and how much it means to you when he does help out.
>>>>>> This young lad is hurting inside as are all children of broken
>>>>>> homes so just try to keep loving him with all your might while
>>>>>> keeping communication lines open and enforcing rules.  If the you
>>>>>> know what hits the fan, simply stop, sit down and continue having
>>>>>> dialog with the boy to let him know how his actions are effecting
>>>>>> the balance of the home.  When he does good make an extra point to
>>>>>> praise him with hugs and positive words and an occasional material
>>>>>> treat but try to avoid rewarding him mostly with material treats
>>>>>> because that just keeps him focusing on himself and what he wants
>>>>>> thus negatively effecting his motives for doing the right thing in 
>>>>>> the
>> first place.
>>>>>> I hope this helps.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Erin
>>>>>>
>>>>>> -----Original Message-----
>>>>>> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org
>>>>>> [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>>>>>> On
>>>>>> Behalf Of Bernadetta Pracon
>>>>>> Sent: Wednesday, June 06, 2012 12:14 PM
>>>>>> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
>>>>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] The maid wants to go on strike!
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Hi everyone,
>>>>>> Ok, maybe it's not necessarily my place to comment on this thread
>>>>>> because I only have a baby, therefore not as much experience with
>>>>>> parenting as most of you, and I do not have any stepchildren.
>>>>>> However, I've been following this thread because I found the
>>>>>> predicament interesting.
>>>>>> I definitely feel for you Jo; You have a way of life, an order of
>>>>>> things, and it's unfortunate that a son you hadn't raised yourself
>>>>>> has trouble following your rules. From your posts on this
>>>>>> listserve, it seems that you're a great parent and that Sarah will
>>>>>> grow up to be a calm, responsible, kind person.
>>>>>> Here's my two cents on the issue: I think that what Rebecca
>>>>>> suggested is well-intended, but probably a bit too harsh. I
>>>>>> understand that a teenager needs to learn how to be an adult, must
>>>>>> take responsibility, etc. But perhaps punishing with food, or lack
>>>>>> there of rather, is not the way to go.
>>>>>> It's not horrible perSey, but all the same, you don't want to make
>>>>>> him feel like he's unwelcome at your home, especially since he is
>>>>>> your husbands son and your daughter's big brother. Perhaps the "no
>>>>>> meal" punishment would be acceptable if the child was only yours to
>>>>>> raise, meaning that he had no outside parental influence besides
>>>>>> yourself and your husband, but let's face it--The boy has what he
>>>>>> probably refers to as his real mom, and that person isn't you.
>>>>>> Maybe I'm not wording this properly, but my point is that whether
>>>>>> we like to realize it or not, there are always some unspoken rules
>>>>>> about the boundaries of a stepparent versus a natural parent, if
>>>>>> not in the minds of the adults, than in that of the children's at
>> least.
>>>>>> Perhaps there are situations where a stepparent is more
>>>>>> influencial, more involved than the real parents, and it's always
>>>>>> good to teach a young person valuable life lessons. But my
>>>>>> reasoning is, if you go behind your husband's back and refuse to
>>>>>> serve his son a meal because he ignored you, no matter how calmly
>>>>>> it's done, I can't really see a good outcome.
>>>>>> He'll tell his mother that Jo doesn't feed him when he's there, the
>>>>>> mom will no doubt have a word with dad about it, who will in turn
>>>>>> be a bit miffed at Jo for her eforts, even though they were well
>>>>>> intended. Step children are a tricky situation sometimes. I know
>>>>>> because I was  raised by a single mom who dated and was engaged
>>>>>> once, then married. My stepfather was a great guy in theory, but he
>>>>>> was also the man who contributed to some changes during my
>>>>>> childhood that I didnt'
>>>>>> necessarily welcome back then. In retrospect, he did a wonderful
>>>>>> job in trying to be a parent, but there were times when he tried to
>>>>>> enforce rules that my mom didn't necessarily agree with, and I
>>>>>> resented him for that because I felt he wasn't my real parent, and
>>>>>> if my mom said that something was ok then it should have been ok.
>>>>>> That way of thinking is obviously not very fair to the stepparent,
>>>>>> I realize that now; I'm just trying to bring forth the mind set of
>>>>>> a child in that situation.
>>>>>> My point in this long-winded ramble is that perhaps there are more
>>>>>> proactive ways to teach this boy his responsibilities than to
>>>>>> deprive him of a meal or something to that effect. I don't think it
>>>>>> would benefit anyone if Jo was to be seen as the evil stepmom,
>>>>>> something she certainly isn't. Try to resolve this issue in such a
>>>>>> way that would avoid conflict between yourself, your husband, and
>>>>>> his son's mother.
>>>>>> You say, jo, that the kid is a good boy for the most part; Maybe
>>>>>> resorting to such consequences might not be necessary.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Just my two cents, for what it's worth.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Bernadetta.
>>>>>>
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