[blparent] When not to be a united front.

[Peggy]

Oh I understand the "it's complicated!"  And raising children on your own 
and in split households is a chore so I totally understand the "it's 
complicated but I'm here"!!  I guess with anything, I would just point out 
that it doesn't sound good when he does it and if he's doing it the kids are 
going to do it as well.  Whether that be misusing words, bad or good ones, 
lol!!  But, as I know well, sometimes the behavior of a spouse, no matter 
how big or small, can sometimes not be changed!!  Good luck to you and if 
you need anything, feel free to e-mail off list!!


-----Original Message----- 
From: Jennifer Jackson
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 10:20 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] When not to be a united front.

Peggy,

My marriage is a complicated question. My husbands response to my 13 y/o
using the f word when he is angry with me is to be angry with my son for
speaking to me like that, but seems to make no connection between his own
use of that kind of language to and around the kids. I have expressed to him
that this causes our children problems at school and socially, as well as
that it embarrasses me when he speaks that way in public. He tells me that I
am unreasonable and old fashioned amongst other similar responses. Yes, I
recognize this is serious evidence of other problems in our relationship. I
keep working at it because I have 3 children with varying special needs and
I would have even less control over what he exposes my children too if I cut
off communication. Sometimes it is better than others. It truly breaks my
heart that a man with so much potential to be a good father and husband will
not do what has to be done for his family. He is basically a good and loving
person to whom I think I could be happily enough married to if it were not
for trying to parent with him.

That is probably more than you really wanted to know, but somehow it's
complicated just did not seem to cover it. I appreciate you sharing Peggy,
because it helps to measure my own struggles against what is normal.

Ironically, I was really thinking more along the lines of more benign issues
like historical data and casual grammatical violations like ending a
sentence with the word at, or using the hideous ain't, when I wrote my first
post. :) Though even spell check agrees with me that ain't is not a word. :)


Jennifer
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Peggy
Sent: Wednesday, June 27, 2012 7:25 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] When not to be a united front.

Are you and their father together??  The reason I ask is because with my
middle son, his father and I are no longer together and to solve this
problem I just tell Dustin ... you may act like that or do this at your
dad's house, but here in this house it won't be tollerated.

If you occupy the same household, does talking to their dad help??  Getting
him to change his behavior for the kids' benefit would be ideal but if that
isn't going to happen I would just say, what daddy does isn't always the
right way to behave but this is what I expect from you ... However, expect
the same in return ... Mommy's behavior isn't always ... Yea, you get it.



-----Original Message----- 
From: Jennifer Jackson
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 8:02 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: [blparent] When not to be a united front.

Here is a little parenting conundrum. I struggle with this in my own
relationship with my kids and their father. I generally believe in
presenting a united front, but what about when your partner says something
that is just factually wrong or regular sets  bad example with his abuse of
the English language? How and when do you correct the facts? I have given up
on correcting the grammar violations he makes, but it is an ongoing issue
with my kids because they are perfectly willing to point out that their dad
does the same thing I just corrected one of them for. I am just wondering if
anyone else struggles with this kind of thing and what other people think
about it. I am not really asking for a solution as this is, of course, a
matter that is mixed up with the greater picture of any relationship.





Jennifer

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