[blparent] When not to be a united front.

Thu Jun 28 10:11:06 UTC 2012

I'm not in any way taking up for your children's father Jen. However you 
will find if you haven't already. There are things which bother women which 
do not bother men as much when it comes to parenting. I know that is the 
case in my case. Was the case in both my fathers & step-fathers case & other 
fathers which I've watched over my lifetime. How many times have you heard a 
man say something like. They're just being boys. Let them be boys, etc. I 
can tell you this. When I did get in trouble. My father did all the 
punishing though...  I also think that men are more willing to let there 
sons get away with things that they're not as willing to let their little 
girls get away with. Is it fair? No, probably not. But, it is what it is. 
I'm sure that when my ex-wife & I were together. She wishes I'd have done 
more as far as parenting goes. That's not to say I didn't do things. That's 
just saying I was more willing & am probably still willing to let things go 
that she isn't.
 I do understand that the F word may be a big issue to you. It is to me. One 
of those words I do not say very often. & certainly a word that a child 
should ever in any way say to his mother or any other lady for that matter. 
But my hole theory on those words is this. The only reason those are bad 
words is because somebody along the way told us they were bad words. So, 
they became bad words. Take for instance. The word dam, it all depends on 
the context there... That's a debate for another day & another list. 
However, I'd be willing to bet if I were a betting man. &, I am on occasion. 
That he said ain't the day you met him. So again. As you stated here. The 
root of the issue is deep. &, you're going to have to dig it out, deal with 
it before you stop the weeds from growing back each year.

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jennifer Jackson" <jennifersjackson at att.net>
To: "'Blind Parents Mailing List'" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 11:20
Subject: Re: [blparent] When not to be a united front.

> Peggy,
>
> My marriage is a complicated question. My husbands response to my 13 y/o
> using the f word when he is angry with me is to be angry with my son for
> speaking to me like that, but seems to make no connection between his own
> use of that kind of language to and around the kids. I have expressed to 
> him
> that this causes our children problems at school and socially, as well as
> that it embarrasses me when he speaks that way in public. He tells me that 
> I
> am unreasonable and old fashioned amongst other similar responses. Yes, I
> recognize this is serious evidence of other problems in our relationship. 
> I
> keep working at it because I have 3 children with varying special needs 
> and
> I would have even less control over what he exposes my children too if I 
> cut
> off communication. Sometimes it is better than others. It truly breaks my
> heart that a man with so much potential to be a good father and husband 
> will
> not do what has to be done for his family. He is basically a good and 
> loving
> person to whom I think I could be happily enough married to if it were not
> for trying to parent with him.
>
> That is probably more than you really wanted to know, but somehow it's
> complicated just did not seem to cover it. I appreciate you sharing Peggy,
> because it helps to measure my own struggles against what is normal.
>
> Ironically, I was really thinking more along the lines of more benign 
> issues
> like historical data and casual grammatical violations like ending a
> sentence with the word at, or using the hideous ain't, when I wrote my 
> first
> post. :) Though even spell check agrees with me that ain't is not a word. 
> :)
>
>
> Jennifer
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Peggy
> Sent: Wednesday, June 27, 2012 7:25 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] When not to be a united front.
>
> Are you and their father together??  The reason I ask is because with my
> middle son, his father and I are no longer together and to solve this
> problem I just tell Dustin ... you may act like that or do this at your
> dad's house, but here in this house it won't be tollerated.
>
> If you occupy the same household, does talking to their dad help?? 
> Getting
> him to change his behavior for the kids' benefit would be ideal but if 
> that
> isn't going to happen I would just say, what daddy does isn't always the
> right way to behave but this is what I expect from you ... However, expect
> the same in return ... Mommy's behavior isn't always ... Yea, you get it.
>
>
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Jennifer Jackson
> Sent: Tuesday, June 26, 2012 8:02 AM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: [blparent] When not to be a united front.
>
> Here is a little parenting conundrum. I struggle with this in my own
> relationship with my kids and their father. I generally believe in
> presenting a united front, but what about when your partner says something
> that is just factually wrong or regular sets  bad example with his abuse 
> of
> the English language? How and when do you correct the facts? I have given 
> up
> on correcting the grammar violations he makes, but it is an ongoing issue
> with my kids because they are perfectly willing to point out that their 
> dad
> does the same thing I just corrected one of them for. I am just wondering 
> if
> anyone else struggles with this kind of thing and what other people think
> about it. I am not really asking for a solution as this is, of course, a
> matter that is mixed up with the greater picture of any relationship.
>
>
>
>
>
> Jennifer
>
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