[blparent] Arguing and Talking Back

[Jo Elizabeth Pinto]

Hi, all.  I'm interested in how you moms with older kids got through the arguing and talking back stuff, and what you did to get it under control.  Sarah hit four years old last week, and I swear, it seems like I have a different child starting from her birthday on.  I know some of it must be the excitement of the birthday party, and there were some issues with her worrying about whether I was really her mom or not after that teacher's aide questioned her at school.  But once the backtalk started, man, it just took off like a wildfire.

I know the basics.  Stay firm and consistent.  Don't give in, and try not to make everything into an argument.  I get that.  But what do you do when the child just keeps pushing your buttons, and pushing and pushing, till you want to explode?  I consider myself a pretty patient mom, and one who doesn't lose her temper easily.  But I have to confess that I've resorted to yelling a couple of times in the last week--I didn't like that, so I stopped and apologized to my daughter because I can't be upset with her if I'm acting like a four-year-old, too--and I ended up in tears once because she just wouldn't lay off.  She didn't like the tears and immediately went into comforter mode, but I don't want her to feel that she has to take care of her mom because her mom can't get a grip on her emotions.  Part of it is that I have fibromyalgia and I get tired.  Sarah's dad has had to work a lot of hours, so I've gotten some help from members of my family I can trust.  They come in to spend time with Sarah a few hours a week so I can have a break, and one of them will be taking her to a class on Thursday afternoons.

Sorry so long, but I guess I'm wondering if there are any tips to stopping the arguing and backtalk before the situation degenerates into a shouting match or a crying jag.  Thanks.