[blparent] Arguing and Talking Back

[Erin Rumer]

Look up the Parents As Teachers model of parenting for some great tips as
well as Focus on the Family's website.  The main thing is not giving
negative attention because attention is attention in the kid's eyes.  My son
isn't that age yet but I've worked with plenty of kids your daughters age
and it sounds like she's beginning to stretch her wings a bit which is
wonderful and exciting but that needs to be channeled in a positive way.
You were very good to apologize to her because it shows her that parents
make mistakes too and that it's good to admit weakness which is a sign of
maturity.  Try to have her practice different ways of saying things to you
so that it isn't coming out sassy because maybe she's not even aware of how
she's saying certain things.

Erin

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Thursday, March 08, 2012 9:08 AM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] Arguing and Talking Back

Hi, all.  I'm interested in how you moms with older kids got through the
arguing and talking back stuff, and what you did to get it under control.
Sarah hit four years old last week, and I swear, it seems like I have a
different child starting from her birthday on.  I know some of it must be
the excitement of the birthday party, and there were some issues with her
worrying about whether I was really her mom or not after that teacher's aide
questioned her at school.  But once the backtalk started, man, it just took
off like a wildfire.

I know the basics.  Stay firm and consistent.  Don't give in, and try not to
make everything into an argument.  I get that.  But what do you do when the
child just keeps pushing your buttons, and pushing and pushing, till you
want to explode?  I consider myself a pretty patient mom, and one who
doesn't lose her temper easily.  But I have to confess that I've resorted to
yelling a couple of times in the last week--I didn't like that, so I stopped
and apologized to my daughter because I can't be upset with her if I'm
acting like a four-year-old, too--and I ended up in tears once because she
just wouldn't lay off.  She didn't like the tears and immediately went into
comforter mode, but I don't want her to feel that she has to take care of
her mom because her mom can't get a grip on her emotions.  Part of it is
that I have fibromyalgia and I get tired.  Sarah's dad has had to work a lot
of hours, so I've gotten some help from members of my family I can trust.
They come in to spend time with Sarah a few hours a week so I can have a
break, and one of them will be taking her to a class on Thursday afternoons.

Sorry so long, but I guess I'm wondering if there are any tips to stopping
the arguing and backtalk before the situation degenerates into a shouting
match or a crying jag.  Thanks.
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