[blparent] children and trust

Thu May 24 13:31:48 UTC 2012

Very good post, Jennifer.

My mother-in-law used leashes with her kids because they were 18 months 
apart, and no mother has enough hands to handle 2 toddlers so close in age 
when traveling.  We all do what we have to do because the safety of our 
children is our first priority.  I use bells or squeaker shoes more often 
than the leash, because just as other parents keep their children within 
their sight, I feel best if my kids are being heard.  But I have used the 
leash for trips where I had to carry a lot, or when I knew my child might 
have the urge to run if I had to let go of their hand for a moment.  I'm not 
willing to take the chance of my child darting out in front of a car or 
getting into other harmful situations because others might judge me for 
using a leash.  I have taken to using the one that looks like a stuffed 
animal to make it more asthetically acceptible, but in actuality I don't 
really care what others think.

I had another mom say to me that it's a shame I have to use the leash, 
because if my children were trained to do what they were told I wouldn't 
need it.  She also made the reference to treating my child like a dog.  I 
had to laugh at what she said, and I pointed out that we train dogs, too. 
One of the main reasons for training dogs is to keep them safe (not talking 
about guide dogs, of course, just pet dogs in general).  Of course my 
children are smart and obedient, and most of the time they stay with me when 
we are out.  But there is a period of time when their little minds can't 
comprehend the danger that awaits them should they separate themselves from 
me, and it's my responsibility to see to their safety, and teach them how to 
make good choices.

Leanne

-----Original Message----- 
From: Jennifer Jackson
Sent: Sunday, May 20, 2012 4:13 PM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] children and trust

Jody, I appreciate that you wish to be tactful about this issue of the
leashes. I will attempt to be just as tactful.

I like the leashes as I think a child is far more comfortable when you are
out doing a lot of traveling if the child has the freedom of movement
allowed by the leash. I can not imagine it is at all comfortable to walk
around with one's hand lifted in the air for long periods of time.
Additionally, when it is very hot I like for my child to be able to carry a
water bottle. I do not know where you live, but in Oklahoma the temperatures
have already been up around 90 this Spring.

Leashes do not take the place of good parenting. I always expected my kids
to hold hands to cross streets or in parking lots. This was really more for
the consistency of behavior that would be expected with or without a leash,
especially when they were a little older.

I have three kids and rarely used a leash with the youngest, but would not
let the other two out of the car in many places without one already
attached. This had to do with the temperament of my children. Everyone
wanted a leash on my older two, it was not a blindness thing. Though I do
think blindness comes into it because as a blind parent I was exiting cars
in my driveway rather than using a remote and parking in the garage with a
closed garage door, and I also had to have free hands to remove our car
seats and other things from various cars we were traveling in.I could loop
the leash on my wrist and have my own hands to help a sibling out or in to
the car, pay the bus or cab fare, tie someone else's shoe, carry the car
seat, unlock the door, deal with cold weather garments, or a myriad of other
things that it is necessary to do without worrying about loosing my kids.

All three of my boys are independent and sensible children. They generally
come when called and are well behaved.

I hope I have been able to change your perception on the use of leashes. Not
to needing one yourself because in truth if you have made it to the age of
three with your little one, he is probably not the kind of temperament that
desperately called for one, and generally my kids did not use one much by
that age.

Please ask my anything else about the use of leashes as I have probably
heard everything on the subject. I have also happily directed many sighted
parents who saw my kids in one out in public and wanted to know where to get
one for their own kids. I stress this sighted issue because I did sometimes
come across people who thought I needed it because I am blind.

Jennifer
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Jodie and Kahlan
Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 1:27 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] children and trust

Hi. I didn't want to send this before because I wasn't sure how I could
do it respectfully. Honestly, my first thought was to say that I won't
treat my child like a dog. But I thought about it and now I can see the
potential use for a leash. As for me, I would only use it as the very
last resort. This is just my opinion and I'm not trying to criticize
anyone's parenting style.

I agree with Rebecca that freedom is earned and that Miles made a
mistake, but it's my opinion that if your child is kept on a leash at
all times, he or she won't have the chance to earn back your trust or
his or her freedom. Personally, I would try all the audio tips, and
teach Kahlan to answer or come when called. if she doesn't respond in
some way when she's called, then and only then would I use the leash
because she proves to me then that she can't be trusted yet. Until she
learns to answer or come, I think the bells and the child locator will
be our best friends.

-- 
Hugs from Jodie and kahlan

good morning dialog. Either you can yawn and stretch and hit space on
the get out of bed button or tab to the snooze button. Remember if you
hit space on the cancel button, that means that you're not in your
right mind to make a decision at this current time. Cancel button.
Sorry, we can't accept this response at this time. Please boot me up
when you're really and truly awake. Good bye button.

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