[blparent] children and trust

Thu May 24 16:22:07 UTC 2012

I wasn't going to say anything, but Jennifer brings up a really good
point. I apologize if this has been said a multitude of times already.
But, I know plenty of sighted parents who use leashes with their
children for the same reasons a blind parent might choose to use a
leash with their child. And, my parents used a leash on my little
brother 20 years ago when leashes were definitely not cool and simply
something that attached to the wrist. Nowadays, leashes seem to be
more acceptible and fashionable. My parents used a leash on my bro
because he would dart away from anyone who wanted him to come. If you
even flinched in his direction he would dart away and it simply wasn't
safe.

I think leashes are great and work sometimes and sometimes are not the
solution. In our family, Erik has bells we strap around his ankle. He
has an elephant backpack leash which frees up his hands. And, I
recently purchased a leash that attaches to a harness looking thing
(similar to the backpack but minus the elephant). I carry around a
wrist-to-wrist leash too. I use what makes sense.

Okay, just my two cents.

LM

On 5/24/12, Leanne Merren <leemer02 at gmail.com> wrote:
> Very good post, Jennifer.
>
> My mother-in-law used leashes with her kids because they were 18 months
> apart, and no mother has enough hands to handle 2 toddlers so close in age
> when traveling.  We all do what we have to do because the safety of our
> children is our first priority.  I use bells or squeaker shoes more often
> than the leash, because just as other parents keep their children within
> their sight, I feel best if my kids are being heard.  But I have used the
> leash for trips where I had to carry a lot, or when I knew my child might
> have the urge to run if I had to let go of their hand for a moment.  I'm not
>
> willing to take the chance of my child darting out in front of a car or
> getting into other harmful situations because others might judge me for
> using a leash.  I have taken to using the one that looks like a stuffed
> animal to make it more asthetically acceptible, but in actuality I don't
> really care what others think.
>
> I had another mom say to me that it's a shame I have to use the leash,
> because if my children were trained to do what they were told I wouldn't
> need it.  She also made the reference to treating my child like a dog.  I
> had to laugh at what she said, and I pointed out that we train dogs, too.
> One of the main reasons for training dogs is to keep them safe (not talking
>
> about guide dogs, of course, just pet dogs in general).  Of course my
> children are smart and obedient, and most of the time they stay with me when
>
> we are out.  But there is a period of time when their little minds can't
> comprehend the danger that awaits them should they separate themselves from
>
> me, and it's my responsibility to see to their safety, and teach them how to
>
> make good choices.
>
> Leanne
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jennifer Jackson
> Sent: Sunday, May 20, 2012 4:13 PM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] children and trust
>
> Jody, I appreciate that you wish to be tactful about this issue of the
> leashes. I will attempt to be just as tactful.
>
> I like the leashes as I think a child is far more comfortable when you are
> out doing a lot of traveling if the child has the freedom of movement
> allowed by the leash. I can not imagine it is at all comfortable to walk
> around with one's hand lifted in the air for long periods of time.
> Additionally, when it is very hot I like for my child to be able to carry a
> water bottle. I do not know where you live, but in Oklahoma the
> temperatures
> have already been up around 90 this Spring.
>
> Leashes do not take the place of good parenting. I always expected my kids
> to hold hands to cross streets or in parking lots. This was really more for
> the consistency of behavior that would be expected with or without a leash,
> especially when they were a little older.
>
> I have three kids and rarely used a leash with the youngest, but would not
> let the other two out of the car in many places without one already
> attached. This had to do with the temperament of my children. Everyone
> wanted a leash on my older two, it was not a blindness thing. Though I do
> think blindness comes into it because as a blind parent I was exiting cars
> in my driveway rather than using a remote and parking in the garage with a
> closed garage door, and I also had to have free hands to remove our car
> seats and other things from various cars we were traveling in.I could loop
> the leash on my wrist and have my own hands to help a sibling out or in to
> the car, pay the bus or cab fare, tie someone else's shoe, carry the car
> seat, unlock the door, deal with cold weather garments, or a myriad of
> other
> things that it is necessary to do without worrying about loosing my kids.
>
> All three of my boys are independent and sensible children. They generally
> come when called and are well behaved.
>
> I hope I have been able to change your perception on the use of leashes.
> Not
> to needing one yourself because in truth if you have made it to the age of
> three with your little one, he is probably not the kind of temperament that
> desperately called for one, and generally my kids did not use one much by
> that age.
>
> Please ask my anything else about the use of leashes as I have probably
> heard everything on the subject. I have also happily directed many sighted
> parents who saw my kids in one out in public and wanted to know where to
> get
> one for their own kids. I stress this sighted issue because I did sometimes
> come across people who thought I needed it because I am blind.
>
>
> Jennifer
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Jodie and Kahlan
> Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2012 1:27 PM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [blparent] children and trust
>
> Hi. I didn't want to send this before because I wasn't sure how I could
> do it respectfully. Honestly, my first thought was to say that I won't
> treat my child like a dog. But I thought about it and now I can see the
> potential use for a leash. As for me, I would only use it as the very
> last resort. This is just my opinion and I'm not trying to criticize
> anyone's parenting style.
>
> I agree with Rebecca that freedom is earned and that Miles made a
> mistake, but it's my opinion that if your child is kept on a leash at
> all times, he or she won't have the chance to earn back your trust or
> his or her freedom. Personally, I would try all the audio tips, and
> teach Kahlan to answer or come when called. if she doesn't respond in
> some way when she's called, then and only then would I use the leash
> because she proves to me then that she can't be trusted yet. Until she
> learns to answer or come, I think the bells and the child locator will
> be our best friends.
>
> --
> Hugs from Jodie and kahlan
>
> good morning dialog. Either you can yawn and stretch and hit space on
> the get out of bed button or tab to the snooze button. Remember if you
> hit space on the cancel button, that means that you're not in your
> right mind to make a decision at this current time. Cancel button.
> Sorry, we can't accept this response at this time. Please boot me up
> when you're really and truly awake. Good bye button.
>
>
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