[blparent] children and trust

Tue May 29 15:26:15 UTC 2012

        Right. The power dynamic does not sound healthy with these "friends".  You only go out when they are around which is very dependent. They pick on your son which isn't cool. You knew about it yet continued to stay around them.  You aren't "allowed" to do nursery rotation.
This is not okay on a bunch of levels.

You need to know that you can pop your kid ona leash when you go out. He needs to know you can do this.  How he feels doesn't matter, the leash won't hurt him.
Your friends need to know you can take a turn in nursery rotation and all will be well.
They most certainly should not be gunning for your son.
You need to have those few friends you trust implicitly, the kind of friend where if he/she says something, or if your kid says something, your first response will be "I bet he deserved it".

Your post reminds me that I need to send my sister a text and thank her today.
I thank you for that.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Erin Rumer
Sent: Tuesday, May 29, 2012 11:09 AM
To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [blparent] children and trust

Hello Shannan,

I don't know how your church assigns folks for child-care but is there a way
for you and-or your husband to volunteer in there to see what's going on
with your son and help facilitate some good behaviors for all the kids in
there concerning the topics you've been discussing?  We just started going
to a new church a couple of months ago when we moved to San Diego and I
stayed with my son in child-care for the first couple of times to see for
myself how things are facilitated and to get to know the teachers and other
children and parents.  It's a great way to get a little one comfortable to a
new setting with strangers as well.  All toddlers go in and out of not
wanting to be left with others, so in cases where my son is getting really
upset for several weeks on end, I'll stay with him for a Sunday and it seems
to get him back on track and comfortable with being left.  I know your son
is older than my little tot and what you're going through is totally
different than what I'm talking about, but I just share my experience to
give you an idea of how helpful it is to sometimes have an involved presents
in situations where your child is uncomfortable or having some trouble.
Maybe you've already tried this?

Erin

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Shannan Zinck
Sent: Saturday, May 26, 2012 1:55 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] children and trust

Just checked the website and that product is unavailable right now. We
likely don't use our leash enough. Mostly because we don't venture out
unless it's a group activity with our church or something. In those cases
someone sighted always has him. We have an amazing network of support here
with lots of help, and we're together so much that we all look after each
others kids. When he is allowed to walk places though he has to use his
leash and hold hands in the hopes that he will get use to that and not have
the leash for too long. We are a very close nit community though so he gets
a lot of freedom that likely wouldn't be happening if we didn't have tons of
support and help. and some of us have been friends for over 15 years and I
looked after some of their kids when they were little so that helps. We had
a classic discuss a few weeks ago over our sons behavior. Because some of
the younger moms with small girls about his age have a hard time with his
boyish nature. It's been resolved as best as it can be, Only my husband and
I and the pastor and his wife are allowed to judge wether he deserves a
timeout or not. the reason for the pastors involvment is because he sees
through some of the antics us girls and women can go through when it comes
to blowing things way out of preportion. For a while there I was even afraid
to let him go to the nursery because it seemed he was always in trouble and
most times it was for no good reason, my pastors words not mine. The kids
are watched much more closely now because of this which I am grateful
because since they have been watched better my son has been somewhat
vindicated. Doesn't get into trouble as much now that we know what is really
going on. The girls sometimes provoke him because he reacts instead of
thinking.I guess not only a leash helps but, keeping a good eye on the
little ones is essential too. Neither my husband nor I are on nursery so we
have to rely on the adults to be fair which wasn't happening all the time.
So sometimes on the rare occasion the question should be not only children
and trust but, also parents and trust.

--
Shannan Zinck
Survival is letting GOD take over!!!
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