[blparent] On independence

Mon Oct 1 02:49:32 UTC 2012

Steve, those questions are good ones to keep in mind.  There have been times 
in my life when I let fear keep me from doing things by myself that I could 
have done.  There have been times that I let others make me believe I 
couldn't do things on my own because that put them in a position of power. 
But eventually, I figured out the problems and became stronger and more 
self-sufficient, as I think most of us do.

In the situation with the stroller and the bus, I felt that it was efficient 
and acceptable to say yes to the help that was offered.  The reason 
accepting assistance didn't bother me was because if the passengers hadn't 
been there, or hadn't been willing to lend a hand, I would have gotten on 
the bus with everything in tow.

Sometimes things come up that surprise us, or at least that happens to me 
once in a while.  I asked a couple of friends to help me cut back a 
butterfly bush by my porch today.  The reason I wanted sighted help is that 
the bush attracts bees, and there were literally swarms of them in among the 
branches.  While they were there to trim the bush, my friends told me there 
were a zillion cobwebs under my porch roof, on the wall of my house, and on 
my bird feeders and suncatcher.  I honestly had no idea.  So they got a 
broom and a hose and took care of the cobwebs, and from here on out, that's 
something I'll keep in mind.  So independence is a learning process.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Steve Jacobson
Sent: Sunday, September 30, 2012 8:18 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] On independence

Bridgit,

I am a strong believer in our need to be as independent as we can be, but I 
also think that independence has to be a personal thing because we don't all
have the same abilities.  However, there are things that we should ask 
ourselves in my opinion as we evaluate our personal level of independence. 
None
of my comments are meant to be directly addressed to you or Jo Elizabeth, 
but only come as a general reaction to what has been said in these notes. 
Do
we ask for help for something that we could learn to do but just haven't? 
Do we repeatedly ask for help for something we could be doing but for which 
we
didn't plan?  Do we make decisions assuming that we will get help regardless 
of the impact our situation might have on others?

One of my favorite speeches of Dr. Jernigan's was "The Nature of 
Independence," because it approached independence from a very human point of
view.  However, some of the reactions to that speech over the years has 
sometimes made me nervous because some have seen that speech as a
release from trying to be independent.  If we ask ourselves questions like 
the above and answer as honestly as we can, We will each be as independent
as we can be given our respective abilities.  The question isn't whether 
each of us is as independent as every other of us, the question is whether 
we've
moved as far as we can along the road to independence.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Sat, 29 Sep 2012 23:06:22 -0500, Bridgit Pollpeter wrote:

>This is in response to Jo Elizabeth's comment that some may see her
>allowing fellow bus passengers to assist in carrying her stroller as her
>not being independent. I know many blind people who would consider this
>as being dependent, and I find this so annoying and ridiculous. Every
>single person on planet earth requires assistance from time to time.
>Blindness can create unique circumstances but so far, I have found ways
>in which to get around the obstacle of blindness, and sometimes this
>means relying on assistance. Independence is about being efficient, and
>if it takes a little assistance to be efficient, then why wouldn't we
>accept such an offer? Why do we have to be super human? It's just silly.
>Yes, we need to be independent and realize blindness is not a reason to
>stop us from accomplishing things, and we certainly can do many, many
>things without help, but just like anyone else, we will need assistance
>sometimes, and to feel ashamed or bothered because you accept such
>assistance is a wrong way of thinking.

>In the case Jo mentions, how is it efficient for her to struggle with
>all that stuff when a person is offering to help? Doesn't look worse for
>her to struggle with multiple items plus a baby rather than to just
>allow someone to help? If she let a stranger carry her baby or guide her
>every step, then maybe there's room for a discussion about being too
>dependent, but any sighted person would welcome help in a similar
>situation, so again, why do we always have to act super-human? We need
>to just live our lives and not always get so caught up in what others
>think.

>I have very low blood pressure, and at times, it's difficult to move
>around a lot. When I have these episodes, I like to hold onto a person's
>arm, if a person I know is with me,  for support, and I try to find
>transportation other than the bus on these days when I need to get
>places. I've had people accuse me of not being independent, assuming I
>am not traveling on my own and being guided around. The reality is that
>I'm not feeling well and just need a little extra help. FYI, I rely on
>Ross to help when I don't feel well and he's around, and he's blind too,
>so... LOL! When I feel like this, I'd gladly accept the offer for
>someone to carry my stroller onto the bus.

>So it's really not fair to judge people when you don't know them or
>their situation; and it's really unfair to accuse people of being
>dependent when they simply need a little assistance, and more often than
>not, it's not blindness causing them to need help, but they just need
>help period.

>Sincerely,
>Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
>Read my blog at:
>http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
>
>"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
>The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

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