[blparent] On independence

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

When the doctors came into my room and said Declan was showing signs of
a severe infection, I started to become frantic. As time went on and he
wasn't getting better, and day after day the doctors told of us how
things weren't working, I began to lose my mind. I literally stopped
eating and sleeping, spending every minute in Declan's isolation room. I
could barely think straight and focus. Beyond Declan and his care, my
mind couldn't process much else. I was using sighted guide a lot to find
my way around the hospital because I literally couldn't keep directions
straight. When Ross forced me to come home to try to sleep and relax, I
would fall apart, having severe panic attacks where I would sit in
Declan's nursery frantically crying, trying to breathe. I was strong for
my son when with him, but the minute I left his room, I would start to
fall apart. I could barely use the restroom or leave long enough to eat
without having panic attacks. Some may point a finger at me for relying
on sighted guides during this time when I was capable of doing it on my
own, but I was so out of my mind with worry, I felt it was worse to
struggle trying to find my way around then to just ask for a little
assistance. In that situation, it didn't seem fair that I had to be
strong and doing everything independently when I really couldn't at the
time. I'm not use to falling apart like that, but it just wasn't fair to
ask me to be the strong blind girl when my world was falling apart.

Now that Declan is out of the woods, I've regained my sanity and travel
around the hospital and NICU by myself with ease. In the beginning
though, I just needed to focus on Declan, and if I needed assistance for
any reason, it seemed reasonable I could be a normal person for once.

I know what you mean, Jo, about some in the blind community expecting
you to do everything completely on your own. You feel like you have to
be super-human, and when you ask for help, regardless of the reason, you
feel like a failor, or feel like others will judge you. I get so sick of
thinking about how others will perceive my actions, if I'm being
independent enough. I finally realized I have to live my life as I see
fit, and screw anyone who wants to judge me.

I've met plenty of blind people who could use a shot of independence,
but on the same side of the coin, why do some expect us to always do
everything without any assistance? In my experience, those judging
usually are the ones struggling the most with their blindness and often
are relying on assistance themselves.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan

Message: 7
Date: Sat, 29 Sep 2012 22:53:04 -0600
From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [blparent] On independence
Message-ID: <SNT116-DS49AB5A6682FE855D40F9DAC800 at phx.gbl>
Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="iso-8859-1";
	reply-type=original

I agree, Bridgit.  In fact, I've witnessed passengers getting on a bus 
asking sighted moms who had too many things to carry if they could help
with 
strollers and bags.  It's just a polite and helpful thing to do.  But
I've 
sometimes felt pressure from the blind community to handle everything by

myself, just to prove to the world that blind people don't need help, I 
guess.

I was at a busy bus stop hub once during rush hour, where many buses and

light rail trains came and went.  There was a blind guy standing in the 
middle of the bus lanes.  He seemed disoriented and unsure of where he 
wanted to go.  Somebody went over and asked if he needed help, and he
quite 
rudely said no, he could get where he was going just fine, and nobody
should 
assume he couldn't just because he couldn't see.  The stranger who had 
offered help said quite calmly, "Well, sir, if you are on your way to 
interview for a job as a hood ornament, you're in the right place at the

right time.  Otherwise, you might want to let me help you out of the
middle 
of the bus lane."

Was the prospective hood ornament doing more for the cause of blind 
independence by refusing the offered help, and singlehandedly stopping 
traffic at one of the busiest transportation hubs in the city?  Or might
he 
have been more wise to accept a sighted guide with a simple thank you
and 
gone on with his life?  My vote would be for the second option.

Jo Elizabeth