[blparent] On independence

Tue Oct 2 20:02:21 UTC 2012

Good afternoon Bridgit,
Thank you for your openness about what you and your family has been
going through. I have always appreciated your honesty and uncanned
responses. I have also felt the need to always be independent in order
to gain acceptatnce in the blindness community, but I have come to
many of the same realizations.
I'm so glad to hear Declan is doing much better and you are feeling
more at ease. It has been a joy reading all of your progress. :)

Anjelina

On 10/2/12, Jo Elizabeth Pinto <jopinto at msn.com> wrote:
> Of course, you had the right to be *gasp* human!  You had the right to be a
>
> mom.  Anybody who would point a finger at you for not giving a damn how
> blind people might be perceived by your actions at that point should just
> take a long walk off a short dock.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Bridgit Pollpeter
> Sent: Tuesday, October 02, 2012 1:35 PM
> To: blparent at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [blparent] On independence
>
> When the doctors came into my room and said Declan was showing signs of
> a severe infection, I started to become frantic. As time went on and he
> wasn't getting better, and day after day the doctors told of us how
> things weren't working, I began to lose my mind. I literally stopped
> eating and sleeping, spending every minute in Declan's isolation room. I
> could barely think straight and focus. Beyond Declan and his care, my
> mind couldn't process much else. I was using sighted guide a lot to find
> my way around the hospital because I literally couldn't keep directions
> straight. When Ross forced me to come home to try to sleep and relax, I
> would fall apart, having severe panic attacks where I would sit in
> Declan's nursery frantically crying, trying to breathe. I was strong for
> my son when with him, but the minute I left his room, I would start to
> fall apart. I could barely use the restroom or leave long enough to eat
> without having panic attacks. Some may point a finger at me for relying
> on sighted guides during this time when I was capable of doing it on my
> own, but I was so out of my mind with worry, I felt it was worse to
> struggle trying to find my way around then to just ask for a little
> assistance. In that situation, it didn't seem fair that I had to be
> strong and doing everything independently when I really couldn't at the
> time. I'm not use to falling apart like that, but it just wasn't fair to
> ask me to be the strong blind girl when my world was falling apart.
>
> Now that Declan is out of the woods, I've regained my sanity and travel
> around the hospital and NICU by myself with ease. In the beginning
> though, I just needed to focus on Declan, and if I needed assistance for
> any reason, it seemed reasonable I could be a normal person for once.
>
> I know what you mean, Jo, about some in the blind community expecting
> you to do everything completely on your own. You feel like you have to
> be super-human, and when you ask for help, regardless of the reason, you
> feel like a failor, or feel like others will judge you. I get so sick of
> thinking about how others will perceive my actions, if I'm being
> independent enough. I finally realized I have to live my life as I see
> fit, and screw anyone who wants to judge me.
>
> I've met plenty of blind people who could use a shot of independence,
> but on the same side of the coin, why do some expect us to always do
> everything without any assistance? In my experience, those judging
> usually are the ones struggling the most with their blindness and often
> are relying on assistance themselves.
>
> Sincerely,
> Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
> Read my blog at:
> http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
>
> "History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
> The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan
>
> Message: 7
> Date: Sat, 29 Sep 2012 22:53:04 -0600
> From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Subject: Re: [blparent] On independence
> Message-ID: <SNT116-DS49AB5A6682FE855D40F9DAC800 at phx.gbl>
> Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="iso-8859-1";
> reply-type=original
>
> I agree, Bridgit.  In fact, I've witnessed passengers getting on a bus
> asking sighted moms who had too many things to carry if they could help
> with
> strollers and bags.  It's just a polite and helpful thing to do.  But
> I've
> sometimes felt pressure from the blind community to handle everything by
>
> myself, just to prove to the world that blind people don't need help, I
> guess.
>
> I was at a busy bus stop hub once during rush hour, where many buses and
>
> light rail trains came and went.  There was a blind guy standing in the
> middle of the bus lanes.  He seemed disoriented and unsure of where he
> wanted to go.  Somebody went over and asked if he needed help, and he
> quite
> rudely said no, he could get where he was going just fine, and nobody
> should
> assume he couldn't just because he couldn't see.  The stranger who had
> offered help said quite calmly, "Well, sir, if you are on your way to
> interview for a job as a hood ornament, you're in the right place at the
>
> right time.  Otherwise, you might want to let me help you out of the
> middle
> of the bus lane."
>
> Was the prospective hood ornament doing more for the cause of blind
> independence by refusing the offered help, and singlehandedly stopping
> traffic at one of the busiest transportation hubs in the city?  Or might
> he
> have been more wise to accept a sighted guide with a simple thank you
> and
> gone on with his life?  My vote would be for the second option.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
>
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-- 
Anjelina