[blparent] blind parent's rights for custody of blind child

Sun Oct 21 11:40:13 UTC 2012

I am also blind and going through a divorce. For the most part, my former 
husband has been civil and equitable about custody when it comes to our 
daughter. My daughter is 4 years old, and is sighted.

However, this is a real concern for me, because it has come up in arguments. 
Here is what my lawyer has suggested:
First of all, your home is your marital home. If he left you in it, it will 
be difficult for him to legally kick you out of it--especially if you can 
afford to live there without a lot of assistance from him (other than what 
he'd pay for normal child support). In my case, I chose to leave the marital 
home, because it was in a less accessible area than my current home is.
Where is your son now? Who is he living with? These are important questions, 
because you want to maintain as much contact and involvement with him as 
possible. In my situation, I refused to leave our marital home until we had 
a written agreement about our daughter. E.g., that, in leaving the marital 
home, I was not choosing to leave my daughter behind. This is essential, 
because if you leave your home without your child, it can be used against 
you as abandonment of the child.

Secondly, with regard to your capability as a mother, there are people 
called Custody Evaluators. Custody Evaluators actually get paid to watch 
both parents with their child. They also talk to the child if that is 
appropriate. They write up a report that assesses both parents' abilities 
and can make recommendations about custody to the court. This is often part 
of a process called a Preliminary Custody Evaluation
. Part of this process is also that you and your soon to be X will talk with 
qualified professionals about your situation (often lawyers and child 
psychologists). They will give you recommendations based on their knowledge 
of the court system. E.g., "If this goes to court, the judge is likely to 
rule as follows..." One of the positive things about this process is that if 
these professionals told your X, "If this goes to court, the court will 
likely award each of you fifty percent custody." and he chooses to go to 
court against that recommendation, you have a greater chance of forcing him 
to pay for your legal fees. This is because he is pursuing what would be 
considered unnecessary litigation.

Finally, there are professionals called Parenting Consultants and Mediators. 
Mediators can be used to help you and your X draft a Parenting Plan. If you 
don't have one of these, I would strongly encourage you to make this a 
priority. The Parenting Plan covers everything from the division of custody, 
to where the child will go to school, to how holidays will be handled, to 
issues of money and property. The document can be as detailed or as basic as 
you choose. Some of the categories in an average Parenting Plan are things 
like:
Physical Custody (who has the child when)
Legal Custody (medical needs, educational needs, etc.)
Parenting Time Schedules (what constitutes an overnight visit, etc.)
Special Occasions (which days are special occasions, how will they be 
divided, etc.)
Financial Needs (will there be child support, who will pay for what, etc.)
Property (will your son bring property from one home to another, or will he 
have two of everything)
The Parenting Plan becomes part of your final divorce decree.
The Mediator's job is to try to prevent you from having to go to court. 
Often, Mediators have either a legal or psych background, so they make 
recommendations and help you resolve disputes based solely on what is best 
for the child. One of the items in our Parenting Plan basically states that 
my daughter's dad acknowledges that my blindness does not inhibit my ability 
to parent her, and that, if safety concerns related to my blindness arise in 
the future, he will work with me to find solutions to those concerns, rather 
than attempt to revoke or alter my custody of her.
The Parenting Consultant is used after your divorce is finalized. Their job 
is to assist you and your X with upholding the court ordered Parenting Plan.

I know all of this is overwhelming. Please ask if you have questions.

Dena

-----Original Message----- 
From: Steve Jacobson
Sent: Friday, October 19, 2012 1:56 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] blind parent's rights for custody of blind child

Virginia,

In cases like yours, the most important thing is to have people involved who 
can show that your blindness should not be a reason
to give you less access to your kids.  Custody cases are often more complex 
than just whether one parent is blind, but it is
important to try to get blindness out of the picture.

I would strongly urge you to get in contact with our affilliate in 
California for starters.  You can get a lot of information
about our California Affilliate at

http://www.nfbcal.org

and here is the contact information shown there for the president:

Mary Willows, President
(510) 462-8575
mwillows at sbcglobal.net

You have the right to be treated fairly.  There isn't any law that would 
give you any sort of preference as a parent because of
your disability. though, and to some extent, it is going to be fair for the 
court to ask how you might handle things as a single
blind parent.  Perhaps you shouldn't have to deal with that, but the fact is 
there is always some educating that has to happen.
Because one is a lawyer or a judge doesn't mean they understand how we 
function as parents, and fair or not, there is nobody
better able to educate them than us.  Given that these are likely tough 
times for you, this is an extra burden that you shouldn't
have to be handling now, but if you connect with the right people, you at 
least won't have to handle it alone.  Sometimes just
being able to tell the judge that you are not the first blind single mom can 
make a difference, and you can probably find others
here who have traveled the same path before you.

Good luck, and let us know if you need additional contact information.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Fri, 19 Oct 2012 10:19:47 -0700, Jasmine wrote:

>Hi Everyone,
>My name is Virginia and I'm a blind mother in California of a 13 year
>old boy who is also blind and learning disabled. I'm currently going
>through a divorce, and my ex husband and his parent's are trying to
>fight for primary custody of my son. Are there any laws or rights that I
>can show them for disabled parent's? Is there anyone who can help me
>fight for my rights? I've heard that the Nfb fights for custody cases
>like this, so I was wondering if anyone in the Nfb can help me out? I
>already have a lawyer to represent me, but she doesn't specialize in
>disability rights for blind parents rights.
>Thanks!
>Virginia

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