[blparent] blind parent's rights for custody of blind child

Sun Oct 21 17:14:20 UTC 2012

Hi Dena,
My son Kristopher is living at home with me. The thing is that my ex and 
I still live in the same house. He filed for primary custody because he 
wants to have him at night and only wants me to have my son after school 
because I'm the one that knows Braille and helps him with homework.
I'm trying to fight to keep my home and fight for primary custody of my 
son because I'm the one that takes care of him when he's home from 
school on vacations and summer time, and I communicate with his school 
about his schoolwork and homework and make all his appointments. I'm 
also his payee for SSI.
We did see a mediator, but we didn't come to an agreement.
Thank you for all the information you have given me. Iappreciate all the 
help!
Virginia
On 10/21/2012 4:40 AM, Dena Wainwright wrote:
> I am also blind and going through a divorce. For the most part, my 
> former husband has been civil and equitable about custody when it 
> comes to our daughter. My daughter is 4 years old, and is sighted.
>
> However, this is a real concern for me, because it has come up in 
> arguments. Here is what my lawyer has suggested:
> First of all, your home is your marital home. If he left you in it, it 
> will be difficult for him to legally kick you out of it--especially if 
> you can afford to live there without a lot of assistance from him 
> (other than what he'd pay for normal child support). In my case, I 
> chose to leave the marital home, because it was in a less accessible 
> area than my current home is.
> Where is your son now? Who is he living with? These are important 
> questions, because you want to maintain as much contact and 
> involvement with him as possible. In my situation, I refused to leave 
> our marital home until we had a written agreement about our daughter. 
> E.g., that, in leaving the marital home, I was not choosing to leave 
> my daughter behind. This is essential, because if you leave your home 
> without your child, it can be used against you as abandonment of the 
> child.
>
> Secondly, with regard to your capability as a mother, there are people 
> called Custody Evaluators. Custody Evaluators actually get paid to 
> watch both parents with their child. They also talk to the child if 
> that is appropriate. They write up a report that assesses both 
> parents' abilities and can make recommendations about custody to the 
> court. This is often part of a process called a Preliminary Custody 
> Evaluation
> . Part of this process is also that you and your soon to be X will 
> talk with qualified professionals about your situation (often lawyers 
> and child psychologists). They will give you recommendations based on 
> their knowledge of the court system. E.g., "If this goes to court, the 
> judge is likely to rule as follows..." One of the positive things 
> about this process is that if these professionals told your X, "If 
> this goes to court, the court will likely award each of you fifty 
> percent custody." and he chooses to go to court against that 
> recommendation, you have a greater chance of forcing him to pay for 
> your legal fees. This is because he is pursuing what would be 
> considered unnecessary litigation.
>
> Finally, there are professionals called Parenting Consultants and 
> Mediators. Mediators can be used to help you and your X draft a 
> Parenting Plan. If you don't have one of these, I would strongly 
> encourage you to make this a priority. The Parenting Plan covers 
> everything from the division of custody, to where the child will go to 
> school, to how holidays will be handled, to issues of money and 
> property. The document can be as detailed or as basic as you choose. 
> Some of the categories in an average Parenting Plan are things like:
> Physical Custody (who has the child when)
> Legal Custody (medical needs, educational needs, etc.)
> Parenting Time Schedules (what constitutes an overnight visit, etc.)
> Special Occasions (which days are special occasions, how will they be 
> divided, etc.)
> Financial Needs (will there be child support, who will pay for what, 
> etc.)
> Property (will your son bring property from one home to another, or 
> will he have two of everything)
> The Parenting Plan becomes part of your final divorce decree.
> The Mediator's job is to try to prevent you from having to go to 
> court. Often, Mediators have either a legal or psych background, so 
> they make recommendations and help you resolve disputes based solely 
> on what is best for the child. One of the items in our Parenting Plan 
> basically states that my daughter's dad acknowledges that my blindness 
> does not inhibit my ability to parent her, and that, if safety 
> concerns related to my blindness arise in the future, he will work 
> with me to find solutions to those concerns, rather than attempt to 
> revoke or alter my custody of her.
> The Parenting Consultant is used after your divorce is finalized. 
> Their job is to assist you and your X with upholding the court ordered 
> Parenting Plan.
>
> I know all of this is overwhelming. Please ask if you have questions.
>
> Dena
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> -----Original Message----- From: Steve Jacobson
> Sent: Friday, October 19, 2012 1:56 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] blind parent's rights for custody of blind child
>
> Virginia,
>
> In cases like yours, the most important thing is to have people 
> involved who can show that your blindness should not be a reason
> to give you less access to your kids.  Custody cases are often more 
> complex than just whether one parent is blind, but it is
> important to try to get blindness out of the picture.
>
> I would strongly urge you to get in contact with our affilliate in 
> California for starters.  You can get a lot of information
> about our California Affilliate at
>
> http://www.nfbcal.org
>
> and here is the contact information shown there for the president:
>
> Mary Willows, President
> (510) 462-8575
> mwillows at sbcglobal.net
>
> You have the right to be treated fairly.  There isn't any law that 
> would give you any sort of preference as a parent because of
> your disability. though, and to some extent, it is going to be fair 
> for the court to ask how you might handle things as a single
> blind parent.  Perhaps you shouldn't have to deal with that, but the 
> fact is there is always some educating that has to happen.
> Because one is a lawyer or a judge doesn't mean they understand how we 
> function as parents, and fair or not, there is nobody
> better able to educate them than us.  Given that these are likely 
> tough times for you, this is an extra burden that you shouldn't
> have to be handling now, but if you connect with the right people, you 
> at least won't have to handle it alone.  Sometimes just
> being able to tell the judge that you are not the first blind single 
> mom can make a difference, and you can probably find others
> here who have traveled the same path before you.
>
> Good luck, and let us know if you need additional contact information.
>
> Best regards,
>
> Steve Jacobson
>
> On Fri, 19 Oct 2012 10:19:47 -0700, Jasmine wrote:
>
>> Hi Everyone,
>> My name is Virginia and I'm a blind mother in California of a 13 year
>> old boy who is also blind and learning disabled. I'm currently going
>> through a divorce, and my ex husband and his parent's are trying to
>> fight for primary custody of my son. Are there any laws or rights that I
>> can show them for disabled parent's? Is there anyone who can help me
>> fight for my rights? I've heard that the Nfb fights for custody cases
>> like this, so I was wondering if anyone in the Nfb can help me out? I
>> already have a lawyer to represent me, but she doesn't specialize in
>> disability rights for blind parents rights.
>> Thanks!
>> Virginia
>
>
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