[blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party

[Jo Elizabeth Pinto]

Bernadetta, you bring up some interesting points.  I have some friends with 
a teenage daughter who has baby-sat for my little girl since she was a 
newborn.  She told me one day that she mentioned baby-sitting for a blind 
mom to another mother she knew.  The mother had a knee jerk reaction and 
said, "Oh, a blind mom.  That's just not fair to the child."  I was so 
proud--my teenage baby-sitter took that other mom to task.  She said that my 
daughter's verbal skills were more advanced than those of other children 
she'd cared for because pointing and whining didn't work with me.  She told 
the woman how my daughter would always answer when called because I had 
taught her that was an unbreakable rule.  She told her that I was outside in 
the sandbox with my child, or on the swings, or walking and touching leaves 
and pine cones, instead of just glancing out the window once in a while as 
the kid entertained herself.  Then she said, "So, how is it not fair for the 
child to have a blind mom?"  And it left the woman sputtering.  She finally 
said, "I guess I misjudged the situation.  I didn't really know what I was 
talking about."

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message----- 
From: Bernadetta
Sent: Thursday, October 25, 2012 4:23 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party

Jen,
I'd try to look at my glass as half full instead of half empty if I were 
you.
Dont feel bad that your three-year-old gets into glue, water, etc.,
because sighted parents and caretakers often contend with exactly the
same thing, if not more. When my cousin was just a baby who had learned
how to crawl, my grandmother was watching her; One day in the middle of
summer, my grandmother figured it would be ok to open her front and
back doors to let in some fresh air. She had storm doors which she kept
closed, so she felt the baby was safe. Well, low and behold, one of my
uncles was fixing his car in her front lawn, and at one point he rushed
into the house to quickly wash his hands. My baby cousin chose that
moment  to crawl out onto the front porch, because he neglected to
close the storm door. No one noticed; Everyone thought the baby was
safe until a policeman happened to pass by and casually braught the
baby back to my grandmother, warning her to keep a closer eye on her.
Now, keep in mind my grandmother was fully sighted, she was in her
fifties at the time--so not old, and she had successfully raised ten
children prior to caring for my little cousin. So mishaps happen...Some
big and some small. In the grand scheme of things, a three year old
geting into glue or water when she's not supposed to is minor and not
unusual. If you're bothered by it, be sure to lock the tempting
supplies up high somewhere, and out of her reach.
As for the media that today's kids are exposed to, don't feel bad that
you cant' fully participate with your kids when it comes to that.
Personally, I think some of the toys and computer games kids seem to
have to have these days is overrated. Think about it: Every kid today
has at least one leapfrog toy. Every kid has to have his favorite TV
shows and DVD's. But here's a chance for you to go back to basics. Why
not engage your kids with more tacktile toys, such as wooden puzzles
and blocks for example. Even though it seems no one can live without
the electronic toys these days, studies show that the tacktile toys may
actually be beneficial. And tactile toys are fully accessible to you as
a blind person. I'm not saying that electronic games should be
prohibited, but you as the blind mom and caretaker can have something
even more special with your kids, if you engage them with toys that
they rarely play with around other people.
As for visual circumstances, there's no need to feel bad that you're
depriving your kids of the proper experience since you can't see
things. On the contrary, if you teach your kids early on that mom's
eyes don't work, so please describe what you're seeing, you're kids
will grow up learning a few rare and exceptional skills. They'll learn
to verbalize what they see, something that many sighted people have
trouble with. How many sighted people struggle with giving directions,
for example. How many people say "over there" or "I can't describe this
to you". Describing something to a blind person forces a kid to think,
to be creative and verbal. Also, your kids will feel like they're
helping you, so they'll feel like their contributing to your family
unit somehow. That's a very useful asset, to make your kids feel like
they contribute by helping. too many kids are indulged by their
parents, they're taught that as children they need only to be
entertained and to be given anything that they're heart desires. A kid
grows up with an enormous sense of self-worth if he or she is taught
early on that he can help his mom or dad in some unique way.
So don't feel bad that you have to parent while being blind, because by
being a blind parent you're inadvertently giving your kids a unique and
perhaps exceptional upbringing. At the very least, you know you're
bringing up children who won't gawk at a disabled person and  be at a
loss as to how to act around them. Just eep in mind the grand scheme of
things--all of us have bad days, and all of us get tired and
frustrated. That's one of the wonderful  side affects of being a parent. lol

Bernadetta

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