[blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party

[Bernadetta]

Jen,
I'd try to look at my glass as half full instead of half empty if I were you.
Dont feel bad that your three-year-old gets into glue, water, etc., 
because sighted parents and caretakers often contend with exactly the 
same thing, if not more. When my cousin was just a baby who had learned 
how to crawl, my grandmother was watching her; One day in the middle of 
summer, my grandmother figured it would be ok to open her front and 
back doors to let in some fresh air. She had storm doors which she kept 
closed, so she felt the baby was safe. Well, low and behold, one of my 
uncles was fixing his car in her front lawn, and at one point he rushed 
into the house to quickly wash his hands. My baby cousin chose that 
moment  to crawl out onto the front porch, because he neglected to 
close the storm door. No one noticed; Everyone thought the baby was 
safe until a policeman happened to pass by and casually braught the 
baby back to my grandmother, warning her to keep a closer eye on her. 
Now, keep in mind my grandmother was fully sighted, she was in her 
fifties at the time--so not old, and she had successfully raised ten 
children prior to caring for my little cousin. So mishaps happen...Some 
big and some small. In the grand scheme of things, a three year old 
geting into glue or water when she's not supposed to is minor and not 
unusual. If you're bothered by it, be sure to lock the tempting 
supplies up high somewhere, and out of her reach.
As for the media that today's kids are exposed to, don't feel bad that 
you cant' fully participate with your kids when it comes to that. 
Personally, I think some of the toys and computer games kids seem to 
have to have these days is overrated. Think about it: Every kid today 
has at least one leapfrog toy. Every kid has to have his favorite TV 
shows and DVD's. But here's a chance for you to go back to basics. Why 
not engage your kids with more tacktile toys, such as wooden puzzles 
and blocks for example. Even though it seems no one can live without 
the electronic toys these days, studies show that the tacktile toys may 
actually be beneficial. And tactile toys are fully accessible to you as 
a blind person. I'm not saying that electronic games should be 
prohibited, but you as the blind mom and caretaker can have something 
even more special with your kids, if you engage them with toys that 
they rarely play with around other people.
As for visual circumstances, there's no need to feel bad that you're 
depriving your kids of the proper experience since you can't see 
things. On the contrary, if you teach your kids early on that mom's 
eyes don't work, so please describe what you're seeing, you're kids 
will grow up learning a few rare and exceptional skills. They'll learn 
to verbalize what they see, something that many sighted people have 
trouble with. How many sighted people struggle with giving directions, 
for example. How many people say "over there" or "I can't describe this 
to you". Describing something to a blind person forces a kid to think, 
to be creative and verbal. Also, your kids will feel like they're 
helping you, so they'll feel like their contributing to your family 
unit somehow. That's a very useful asset, to make your kids feel like 
they contribute by helping. too many kids are indulged by their 
parents, they're taught that as children they need only to be 
entertained and to be given anything that they're heart desires. A kid 
grows up with an enormous sense of self-worth if he or she is taught 
early on that he can help his mom or dad in some unique way.
So don't feel bad that you have to parent while being blind, because by 
being a blind parent you're inadvertently giving your kids a unique and 
perhaps exceptional upbringing. At the very least, you know you're 
bringing up children who won't gawk at a disabled person and  be at a 
loss as to how to act around them. Just eep in mind the grand scheme of 
things--all of us have bad days, and all of us get tired and 
frustrated. That's one of the wonderful  side affects of being a parent. lol

Bernadetta