[blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party

[Steve Jacobson]

Jennifer,

I would guess that most of us have felt as you do from time to time.  That which helps one of us may not help another of us.  There are techniques to deal 
with a number of these things that you likely already know, so I won't go into all that here.  I will only say that what helps me is to realize that all parents, 
blind or sighted, really share some of these same feelings but over different things.  The low=-income parent who is continually being reminded of the nicer 
clothes and fancier toys that other kids have is going to wish they could afford more.  The parent who can't help much with homework because they 
struggled in school is going to wish they could be of more help.  There is a whole long list of things that we as parents wish we were that we are not so we 
could do more for our kids.  

My kids are teenagers now and there is a pretty good chance they're going to make it.  What I see now that I couldn't necessarily see along the way is 
that they did learn what they needed to, and some of what they learned was without my help because I couldn't be of much help as a blind parent, and 
sometimes because of who I am without regard to blindness.  However, they have other memories of ways I helped them along the way that I didn't 
necessarily even realize at the time.  

You have a lot in common with all of us here as a blind parent, and we can try to be of help when times are tough.  However, at least some of what you 
are feeling is not really because you are a blind parent even though the specifics are related to blindness, it is what we all feel as parents.  There is skill to 
being a parent, but there is a lot of luck and a lot of wishing and hoping, and that is true of all parents.  Realizing this helped me through hard times, and I 
hope it helps you.  If there is more that can be said to address more specific problems, I'm sure many of us can try to help, but I'm guessing you have a 
handle on the specifics.  The fact you are feeling and thinking some of these things means you are a caring parent and that will take you a long way.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Thu, 25 Oct 2012 15:22:53 -0400, Jennifer Bose wrote:

>Hi, parents.

>Overall, I tend to think of blindness as just inconvenient. But
>sometimes, blindness and parenthood together get me started on
>thinking of blindness as a real pain. I guess there are always issues
>that will present challenges for anyone, and mine aren't all that big,
>I realize. But here they are:

>My two daughters are three years old and six months old. While I'm
>paying attention to my baby and I'm alone with both of them, I find it
>tough to track what my three-year-old is doing. If I'm well-rested,
>this isn't such a big deal. But if I'm tired, it's more than
>frustrating. She's very bright and independent and often surprises me
>with all the things she can now do on her own. But there are times
>when I'll discover that she's playing with water or glue in a place
>where she shouldn't, and then I've thought to myself: Well, if I'd
>seen her with that water glass, this never would have happened!

>And then, there's this whole world of visual media that I wish I could
>share with her. All the picture books, DVDs, coloring books--I feel
>like they're off limits to me and that I miss out on all the fun she
>has going through them with other people. Not that she should
>necessarily learn everything from me, but she and I don't get to
>engage each other through any of that.

>Ugh! I'm making myself really depressed and a little nauseated here. I
>guess this is when I should start being grateful for what I have.
>Please, have any of you ever felt these frustrations? What do you say
>to yourself, or what do you do, to get your positive attitude back?

>Thanks for reading this rant. I know it will survive in cyberspace
>forever. Oh, well ...

>Good times. Starting to laugh already!
>Jen

>_______________________________________________
>blparent mailing list
>blparent at nfbnet.org
>http://nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for blparent:
>http://nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/steve.jacobson%40visi.com