[blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party

[Jeri Milton]

	Hi Steve. That was well said. Being a parent is the best thing that
ever happened to me, but also the most chalenging thing that I've ever done.
I learn something every day about my kids as well as myself. I do things now
that I never thaught I would do or even knew how to do. Then sometimes at
night when they're all tucked in bed, I am feeling so frusterated with the
things I can't seem to figure out. We do the best we can and learn with our
kids along the way. 

Jeri

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Steve
Jacobson
Sent: Friday, October 26, 2012 6:43 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Please help me snap out of my pity-party

Jennifer,

I would guess that most of us have felt as you do from time to time.  That
which helps one of us may not help another of us.  There are techniques to
deal with a number of these things that you likely already know, so I won't
go into all that here.  I will only say that what helps me is to realize
that all parents, blind or sighted, really share some of these same feelings
but over different things.  The low=-income parent who is continually being
reminded of the nicer clothes and fancier toys that other kids have is going
to wish they could afford more.  The parent who can't help much with
homework because they struggled in school is going to wish they could be of
more help.  There is a whole long list of things that we as parents wish we
were that we are not so we could do more for our kids.  

My kids are teenagers now and there is a pretty good chance they're going to
make it.  What I see now that I couldn't necessarily see along the way is
that they did learn what they needed to, and some of what they learned was
without my help because I couldn't be of much help as a blind parent, and
sometimes because of who I am without regard to blindness.  However, they
have other memories of ways I helped them along the way that I didn't
necessarily even realize at the time.  

You have a lot in common with all of us here as a blind parent, and we can
try to be of help when times are tough.  However, at least some of what you
are feeling is not really because you are a blind parent even though the
specifics are related to blindness, it is what we all feel as parents.
There is skill to being a parent, but there is a lot of luck and a lot of
wishing and hoping, and that is true of all parents.  Realizing this helped
me through hard times, and I hope it helps you.  If there is more that can
be said to address more specific problems, I'm sure many of us can try to
help, but I'm guessing you have a handle on the specifics.  The fact you are
feeling and thinking some of these things means you are a caring parent and
that will take you a long way.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Thu, 25 Oct 2012 15:22:53 -0400, Jennifer Bose wrote:

>Hi, parents.

>Overall, I tend to think of blindness as just inconvenient. But 
>sometimes, blindness and parenthood together get me started on thinking 
>of blindness as a real pain. I guess there are always issues that will 
>present challenges for anyone, and mine aren't all that big, I realize. 
>But here they are:

>My two daughters are three years old and six months old. While I'm 
>paying attention to my baby and I'm alone with both of them, I find it 
>tough to track what my three-year-old is doing. If I'm well-rested, 
>this isn't such a big deal. But if I'm tired, it's more than 
>frustrating. She's very bright and independent and often surprises me 
>with all the things she can now do on her own. But there are times when 
>I'll discover that she's playing with water or glue in a place where 
>she shouldn't, and then I've thought to myself: Well, if I'd seen her 
>with that water glass, this never would have happened!

>And then, there's this whole world of visual media that I wish I could 
>share with her. All the picture books, DVDs, coloring books--I feel 
>like they're off limits to me and that I miss out on all the fun she 
>has going through them with other people. Not that she should 
>necessarily learn everything from me, but she and I don't get to engage 
>each other through any of that.

>Ugh! I'm making myself really depressed and a little nauseated here. I 
>guess this is when I should start being grateful for what I have.
>Please, have any of you ever felt these frustrations? What do you say 
>to yourself, or what do you do, to get your positive attitude back?

>Thanks for reading this rant. I know it will survive in cyberspace 
>forever. Oh, well ...

>Good times. Starting to laugh already!
>Jen

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