[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

[Musiclady]

That sounds like my mum.  totally interfering.
Steph


 ----- Original Message -----
From: Bernadetta Pracon <bernadetta_pracon at samobile.net
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Mon, 03 Sep 2012 00:34:59 -0400
Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

Hi guys,
Actually, this is very much blindness related.  Perhaps not every 
blind
parent faces this sort of thing, but I have found this going on 
in my
own family.  It's been on my mind more and more lately--In my 
case, it's
my mother who's trying to take over with my six-month-old son.
Like most new parents, I let my mom help me with Gabriel from 
time to
time--What new mommy doesn't do that if her mom lives near by.  
Grandma
absolutely adores her new grandson and she is helpful when I'm in 
a
crunch with work...  But she's way too pushy, and she tries to 
take
charge of my son, especially when we're out together or at a 
family function.
Yesterday, my younger cousin had a birthday party, which was a 
family
function.  We were all their--My mom, my son, my son's dad and I.  
When
it came time to feed Gabriel, I got up to mix his rice cereal 
(he's
eating solids on a regular basis now).  When I reached for his 
little
bowl, without warning, my mom reached over from behind me and 
snatched
the bowl and cereal box from my hands and proceeded to mix the 
food for
him.  I was irritated, obviously so I protested and asked her why 
she
did that.  She said, "Because you don't give him enough food.  
Plus
you're not going to feed him because he's in his nice party 
clothes and
you're going to get him dirty.  And I don't want people staring 
at you
while you're feeding him because they've never seen a blind 
person feed
a baby.".
Now, just to get something streight, my mom's idea of enough food 
is a
bowl and a half of rice cereal.  For a six month old...  right.   
Well.
Imagine how furious I got at that.  But I didnt' want to cause a 
huge
scene right there, so I told her a few choice words, and then 
took her
aside later and let her have it.
I told her that he's my kid and I make the rules, and that she 
should
never forget her place as the grandmother, instead of the mother,
again.  She just laughed it off.  And then, to make it worse, 
some people
overheard and said, "right.  As if she never had kids of her own.  
You've
had a kid for six months, she's been a parent for twenty-two 
years.
What makes you think you're right." I explained as calmly as I 
could
that every parent has the right to make specific rules for their
children, and that each person has a different parenting style.  
I don't
agree with a lot of what my mom thinks is ok parenting.
She's an adopted mom to my youngest cousin, and that kid is 
spoiled,
does not have any manners whatsoever, and does poorly in school.  
My mom
has a tendency to enable kids as much as she can before she 
reaches the
breaking point and then yells at them.  And I'm not at all 
interested in
that style of parenting.
I'd like my son to have a relationship with his grandma as well 
as the
rest of my family, and I'd like to keep the peace here.  But 
it'll be
difficult for me to trust her alone with the child if she 
undermines my
rules and mocks my parenting style.  She thinks that some of my 
methods
that I want to implement with my son are rediculous--For 
instance, I
want to introduce solid vegetables first, before I introduce 
solid
fruits to him so that he will actually develop an affinity for
vegetables instead of all sweet things.  She thinks it's 
rediculous that
I don't want my kid to be left alone to sleep on an adult-size 
bed
without barriers, even though he's learning how to crawl and is
becoming very mobile.
I know I'm on a bit of a rant in this message, but I am positive 
that
if I wasn't blind, I would have more authority over him in my 
mom's
eyes.  She obviously understands that I can take care of him 
because I'm
with him  24/7, and she's not around everyday--just once or twice 
a
week, but when she is around, she annoys the crap out of me by 
trying
to take charge.  I apreciate some advice she gives me, but other 
than
that, it's World War Three with her when it comes to my son.
So jo elizabeth, I think you were right in standing your ground.  
It's
your kid, your rules, you raise her the way you think is best.  
And by
the way, judging from your posts on this list, I'd say you're 
raising
your daughter to be a smart, self-sufficient wise kid.  Good 
going.

Sorry for the rant, guys.

Bernadetta

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