[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

Mon Sep 3 06:29:20 UTC 2012

please stop writing me. I'm not responding to you, but responding the subject you brought up. you own your posts, maybe even your mail app and if I was that much of a bother, you'd block me by now. but you can't command if I post to the list or not. none of my responses are no longer directed to you. stop being so sensitive and reacting to what is not for you. and for your info, I am sending this to the list. your threat of sending it doesn't scare me. so to prove that, I will send it myself. get over yourself woman. not all of us have the problems you do, because we don't live like you. now, please. don't write me privately again, or I will report you to your internet service provider and your local law enforcement agency for harassment.
Thanks

Gabe Vega
CEO
Commtech LLC
Web: http://commtechusa.net

On Sep 2, 2012, at 11:11 PM, "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com> wrote:

> Gabe, I know what your stand is on this issue and I appreciate your opinion. But now you are resorting to name calling and upsetting accusations that are disrespectful and not related to the original question.  I'm standing up for myself.  Please, stop.  Leave me alone.  Let others post their answers to the question I asked, and stop making personal remarks about me and my ability or inability to deal with confrontation.  Just stop.  I'm writing to you privately, but if you don't stop, I'll post this to the general list.
> 
> Jo Elizabeth
> 
> I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
> -----Original Message----- From: Gabe Vega
> Sent: Monday, September 03, 2012 12:02 AM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?
> 
> absolutely. See, I'm not crazy. I knew people who stopped to read my messages, instead of just hating me from jump could understand if they want to. :-) some of us are just strong and are able to live lives with out a bunch of leaching, some times no good family members and find family and resources in others not related by blood. and well, some of us can't. and we see that today on this list.
> 
> On Sep 2, 2012, at 10:49 PM, "Agnes Steinhoff" <amorawska at nycap.rr.com> wrote:
> 
>> Hi Gabe:
>> 
>> I have to say that growing up, my father always made comments about how I should not have children because I'm blind and why should I have a child? Bla Bla Bla.  I rarely speak to my family, my mom maybe, but not my dad. I resent him for everything he had put me through.  You can only hear negative remarks for so long before you get tired of it.  I tried to stay in contact and tried to play nice with my father, and where did it leave me?  I now have to take depression medication probably for the rest of my life because of all of the BS that I was put through.  Yes, I think that for the most part, you should try to stay in contact with your family, but at the same time, your emotional health and spiritual health is more important.  If my father can't keep his criticism in check, then I stay away.  I don't care if its a friend OR family member, when they cross the line to the point that they are blatently disrespecting you, its time to separate.  You can still love them, but you don't have to put up with them.
>> 
>> Thanks.
>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, September 03, 2012 12:40 AM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?
>> 
>> 
>>> then its simple. if some one mistreats you and you can't stand up for yourself. stay away from them. simple. boom, it will never happen again. but I know, I can just hear it, but oh, thats grandma, bla bla bla bla. but if grandma can't respect you, let you parent your own child, then guess what? grandma stays away. till she can respect mommy for mommy and daddy for daddy. simple. but will any of you all do it. no, because you just won't.
>>> 
>>> On Sep 2, 2012, at 9:34 PM, Bernadetta Pracon <bernadetta_pracon at samobile.net> wrote:
>>> 
>>>> Hi guys,
>>>> Actually, this is very much blindness related. Perhaps not every blind parent faces this sort of thing, but I have found this going on in my own family. It's been on my mind more and more lately--In my case, it's my mother who's trying to take over with my six-month-old son.
>>>> Like most new parents, I let my mom help me with Gabriel from time to time--What new mommy doesn't do that if her mom lives near by. Grandma absolutely adores her new grandson and she is helpful when I'm in a crunch with work... But she's way too pushy, and she tries to take charge of my son, especially when we're out together or at a family function.
>>>> Yesterday, my younger cousin had a birthday party, which was a family function. We were all their--My mom, my son, my son's dad and I. When it came time to feed Gabriel, I got up to mix his rice cereal (he's eating solids on a regular basis now). When I reached for his little bowl, without warning, my mom reached over from behind me and snatched the bowl and cereal box from my hands and proceeded to mix the food for him. I was irritated, obviously so I protested and asked her why she did that. She said, "Because you don't give him enough food. Plus you're not going to feed him because he's in his nice party clothes and you're going to get him dirty. And I don't want people staring at you while you're feeding him because they've never seen a blind person feed a baby.".
>>>> Now, just to get something streight, my mom's idea of enough food is a bowl and a half of rice cereal. For a six month old... right.   Well. Imagine how furious I got at that. But I didnt' want to cause a huge scene right there, so I told her a few choice words, and then took her aside later and let her have it.
>>>> I told her that he's my kid and I make the rules, and that she should never forget her place as the grandmother, instead of the mother, again. She just laughed it off. And then, to make it worse, some people overheard and said, "right. As if she never had kids of her own. You've had a kid for six months, she's been a parent for twenty-two years. What makes you think you're right." I explained as calmly as I could that every parent has the right to make specific rules for their children, and that each person has a different parenting style. I don't agree with a lot of what my mom thinks is ok parenting.
>>>> She's an adopted mom to my youngest cousin, and that kid is spoiled, does not have any manners whatsoever, and does poorly in school. My mom has a tendency to enable kids as much as she can before she reaches the breaking point and then yells at them. And I'm not at all interested in that style of parenting.
>>>> I'd like my son to have a relationship with his grandma as well as the rest of my family, and I'd like to keep the peace here. But it'll be difficult for me to trust her alone with the child if she undermines my rules and mocks my parenting style. She thinks that some of my methods that I want to implement with my son are rediculous--For instance, I want to introduce solid vegetables first, before I introduce solid fruits to him so that he will actually develop an affinity for vegetables instead of all sweet things. She thinks it's rediculous that I don't want my kid to be left alone to sleep on an adult-size bed without barriers, even though he's learning how to crawl and is becoming very mobile.
>>>> I know I'm on a bit of a rant in this message, but I am positive that if I wasn't blind, I would have more authority over him in my mom's eyes. She obviously understands that I can take care of him because I'm with him  24/7, and she's not around everyday--just once or twice a week, but when she is around, she annoys the crap out of me by trying to take charge. I apreciate some advice she gives me, but other than that, it's World War Three with her when it comes to my son.
>>>> So jo elizabeth, I think you were right in standing your ground. It's your kid, your rules, you raise her the way you think is best. And by the way, judging from your posts on this list, I'd say you're raising your daughter to be a smart, self-sufficient wise kid. Good going.
>>>> 
>>>> Sorry for the rant, guys.
>>>> 
>>>> Bernadetta
>>>> 
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>>> 
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