[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

Mon Sep 3 13:48:43 UTC 2012

Well, this is interesting.  I'll be keeping an eye on it.
Katie
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
To: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>; "nfb blind parent blindparent" 
<blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, September 03, 2012 2:29 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?


> please stop writing me. I'm not responding to you, but responding the 
> subject you brought up. you own your posts, maybe even your mail app and 
> if I was that much of a bother, you'd block me by now. but you can't 
> command if I post to the list or not. none of my responses are no longer 
> directed to you. stop being so sensitive and reacting to what is not for 
> you. and for your info, I am sending this to the list. your threat of 
> sending it doesn't scare me. so to prove that, I will send it myself. get 
> over yourself woman. not all of us have the problems you do, because we 
> don't live like you. now, please. don't write me privately again, or I 
> will report you to your internet service provider and your local law 
> enforcement agency for harassment.
> Thanks
>
> Gabe Vega
> CEO
> Commtech LLC
> Web: http://commtechusa.net
>
> On Sep 2, 2012, at 11:11 PM, "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com> wrote:
>
>> Gabe, I know what your stand is on this issue and I appreciate your 
>> opinion. But now you are resorting to name calling and upsetting 
>> accusations that are disrespectful and not related to the original 
>> question.  I'm standing up for myself.  Please, stop.  Leave me alone. 
>> Let others post their answers to the question I asked, and stop making 
>> personal remarks about me and my ability or inability to deal with 
>> confrontation.  Just stop.  I'm writing to you privately, but if you 
>> don't stop, I'll post this to the general list.
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth
>>
>> I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's 
>> brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived 
>> and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
>> -----Original Message----- From: Gabe Vega
>> Sent: Monday, September 03, 2012 12:02 AM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?
>>
>> absolutely. See, I'm not crazy. I knew people who stopped to read my 
>> messages, instead of just hating me from jump could understand if they 
>> want to. :-) some of us are just strong and are able to live lives with 
>> out a bunch of leaching, some times no good family members and find 
>> family and resources in others not related by blood. and well, some of us 
>> can't. and we see that today on this list.
>>
>> On Sep 2, 2012, at 10:49 PM, "Agnes Steinhoff" <amorawska at nycap.rr.com> 
>> wrote:
>>
>>> Hi Gabe:
>>>
>>> I have to say that growing up, my father always made comments about how 
>>> I should not have children because I'm blind and why should I have a 
>>> child? Bla Bla Bla.  I rarely speak to my family, my mom maybe, but not 
>>> my dad. I resent him for everything he had put me through.  You can only 
>>> hear negative remarks for so long before you get tired of it.  I tried 
>>> to stay in contact and tried to play nice with my father, and where did 
>>> it leave me?  I now have to take depression medication probably for the 
>>> rest of my life because of all of the BS that I was put through.  Yes, I 
>>> think that for the most part, you should try to stay in contact with 
>>> your family, but at the same time, your emotional health and spiritual 
>>> health is more important.  If my father can't keep his criticism in 
>>> check, then I stay away.  I don't care if its a friend OR family member, 
>>> when they cross the line to the point that they are blatently 
>>> disrespecting you, its time to separate.  You can still love them, but 
>>> you don't have to put up with them.
>>>
>>> Thanks.
>>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Gabe Vega" <theblindtech at gmail.com>
>>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Monday, September 03, 2012 12:40 AM
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?
>>>
>>>
>>>> then its simple. if some one mistreats you and you can't stand up for 
>>>> yourself. stay away from them. simple. boom, it will never happen 
>>>> again. but I know, I can just hear it, but oh, thats grandma, bla bla 
>>>> bla bla. but if grandma can't respect you, let you parent your own 
>>>> child, then guess what? grandma stays away. till she can respect mommy 
>>>> for mommy and daddy for daddy. simple. but will any of you all do it. 
>>>> no, because you just won't.
>>>>
>>>> On Sep 2, 2012, at 9:34 PM, Bernadetta Pracon 
>>>> <bernadetta_pracon at samobile.net> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> Hi guys,
>>>>> Actually, this is very much blindness related. Perhaps not every blind 
>>>>> parent faces this sort of thing, but I have found this going on in my 
>>>>> own family. It's been on my mind more and more lately--In my case, 
>>>>> it's my mother who's trying to take over with my six-month-old son.
>>>>> Like most new parents, I let my mom help me with Gabriel from time to 
>>>>> time--What new mommy doesn't do that if her mom lives near by. Grandma 
>>>>> absolutely adores her new grandson and she is helpful when I'm in a 
>>>>> crunch with work... But she's way too pushy, and she tries to take 
>>>>> charge of my son, especially when we're out together or at a family 
>>>>> function.
>>>>> Yesterday, my younger cousin had a birthday party, which was a family 
>>>>> function. We were all their--My mom, my son, my son's dad and I. When 
>>>>> it came time to feed Gabriel, I got up to mix his rice cereal (he's 
>>>>> eating solids on a regular basis now). When I reached for his little 
>>>>> bowl, without warning, my mom reached over from behind me and snatched 
>>>>> the bowl and cereal box from my hands and proceeded to mix the food 
>>>>> for him. I was irritated, obviously so I protested and asked her why 
>>>>> she did that. She said, "Because you don't give him enough food. Plus 
>>>>> you're not going to feed him because he's in his nice party clothes 
>>>>> and you're going to get him dirty. And I don't want people staring at 
>>>>> you while you're feeding him because they've never seen a blind person 
>>>>> feed a baby.".
>>>>> Now, just to get something streight, my mom's idea of enough food is a 
>>>>> bowl and a half of rice cereal. For a six month old... right.   Well. 
>>>>> Imagine how furious I got at that. But I didnt' want to cause a huge 
>>>>> scene right there, so I told her a few choice words, and then took her 
>>>>> aside later and let her have it.
>>>>> I told her that he's my kid and I make the rules, and that she should 
>>>>> never forget her place as the grandmother, instead of the mother, 
>>>>> again. She just laughed it off. And then, to make it worse, some 
>>>>> people overheard and said, "right. As if she never had kids of her 
>>>>> own. You've had a kid for six months, she's been a parent for 
>>>>> twenty-two years. What makes you think you're right." I explained as 
>>>>> calmly as I could that every parent has the right to make specific 
>>>>> rules for their children, and that each person has a different 
>>>>> parenting style. I don't agree with a lot of what my mom thinks is ok 
>>>>> parenting.
>>>>> She's an adopted mom to my youngest cousin, and that kid is spoiled, 
>>>>> does not have any manners whatsoever, and does poorly in school. My 
>>>>> mom has a tendency to enable kids as much as she can before she 
>>>>> reaches the breaking point and then yells at them. And I'm not at all 
>>>>> interested in that style of parenting.
>>>>> I'd like my son to have a relationship with his grandma as well as the 
>>>>> rest of my family, and I'd like to keep the peace here. But it'll be 
>>>>> difficult for me to trust her alone with the child if she undermines 
>>>>> my rules and mocks my parenting style. She thinks that some of my 
>>>>> methods that I want to implement with my son are rediculous--For 
>>>>> instance, I want to introduce solid vegetables first, before I 
>>>>> introduce solid fruits to him so that he will actually develop an 
>>>>> affinity for vegetables instead of all sweet things. She thinks it's 
>>>>> rediculous that I don't want my kid to be left alone to sleep on an 
>>>>> adult-size bed without barriers, even though he's learning how to 
>>>>> crawl and is becoming very mobile.
>>>>> I know I'm on a bit of a rant in this message, but I am positive that 
>>>>> if I wasn't blind, I would have more authority over him in my mom's 
>>>>> eyes. She obviously understands that I can take care of him because 
>>>>> I'm with him  24/7, and she's not around everyday--just once or twice 
>>>>> a week, but when she is around, she annoys the crap out of me by 
>>>>> trying to take charge. I apreciate some advice she gives me, but other 
>>>>> than that, it's World War Three with her when it comes to my son.
>>>>> So jo elizabeth, I think you were right in standing your ground. It's 
>>>>> your kid, your rules, you raise her the way you think is best. And by 
>>>>> the way, judging from your posts on this list, I'd say you're raising 
>>>>> your daughter to be a smart, self-sufficient wise kid. Good going.
>>>>>
>>>>> Sorry for the rant, guys.
>>>>>
>>>>> Bernadetta
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>
>>>>
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