[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

Agnes Steinhoff amorawska at nycap.rr.com
Mon Sep 3 20:26:41 UTC 2012 

I agree with May, just because its grandmas house, it does not mean grandmas 
child.  Grandparents are called grandparents for a reason.  If they feel the 
need to parent again, maybe they should consider having another baby of 
their own and raise that one.
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "May McDonald" <may at canadianlynx.ca>
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, September 03, 2012 1:53 AM
Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?


Evening everyone.

I'll intro-reintroduce myself to the list in another post.

No, I disagree it is not grandma's house grandma's rules when the parent is 
sitting right there. That's teaching a child that they can easily play one 
side against another.

May, Canadian lynx
PR Manager
www.phoenixfirefm.net

Personal Playground
www.canadianlynx.ca
may at canadianlynx.ca

On 2012-09-03, at 12:11 AM, Gabe Vega Via Iphone4S wrote:

> grandmas house, grandmas rules. dont like it, dont go back. simple as 
> that. and its still off topic. and blindies only get mistreated if they 
> allow it. its funny how joe thinks she is a big barny tough girl on list, 
> but in real life, she just like the rest who use this act. and cowars from 
> confrontation because it on an email list and partially annonymous. :-)
>
> Gabe Vega
> Sent from my iPhone
> (623) 565-9357
>
> On Sep 2, 2012, at 8:55 PM, "Angie Matney" <angie.matney at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>> Actually, Gabe's text is at the bottom of the post. He said that 
>> grandma's rules should apply.
>>
>> Sorry, no one but me gets to decide what my kid eats, unless I'm not 
>> around and that person has responsibility for my child. It was very 
>> disrespectful of this woman to try to interpose herself in the 
>> parent-child relationship.
>>
>> And I do think this is blindness-related, because people tend to 
>> infantilize blind adults. I wonder if this woman would have done the same 
>> thing to a sighted parent.
>>
>> As for what you can do now, you could calmly explain to her that you make 
>> the rules for Sarah, and if she can respect that, then her informal 
>> grandmother-type relationship can continue.
>>
>> Best of luck.
>>
>>
>>
>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Kate McEachern" <kflsouth at gmail.com>
>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 11:37 PM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?
>>
>>
>>> Gabe nothing is written here.
>>> Katie
>>> ----- Original Message ----- From: "Gabe Vega Via Iphone4S" 
>>> <theblindtech at gmail.com>
>>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Cc: "NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>>> Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 11:31 PM
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?
>>>
>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> Gabe Vega
>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>> (623) 565-9357
>>>>
>>>> On Sep 2, 2012, at 8:14 PM, "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com> 
>>>> wrote:
>>>>
>>>>> I know this may not sound blindness related, but it kind of is in a 
>>>>> way because my daughter’s adopted Nanna tends to take over a lot 
>>>>> instead of letting me be the mom.  She’s been there all of my daughter’s 
>>>>> life, knitted her a blanket, kept her overnight, all the things a 
>>>>> grandma loves to do.  I love her dearly.  But, frankly, she’s pushy.
>>>>>
>>>>> There was a situation that happened today while we were at her house 
>>>>> for a barbecue.  A bunch of us from church had contributed food.My 
>>>>> daughter had eaten a fairly balanced meal, so I wasn’t worried about 
>>>>> her nutrition.  When it came time for dessert, she chose to have a 
>>>>> piece of carrot cake, which she promptly ate the frosting off of and 
>>>>> then lost interest in.  Par for the course.  Then she asked Nanna for 
>>>>> some lemon cake.  Lots of us were just having little smidges of each 
>>>>> kind, so I was surprised when Nanna said no, there was still cake on 
>>>>> her plate.  I could see it if she hadn’t eaten dinner first, but she 
>>>>> had, so I thought that was ridiculous.  Trying to keep the mood light, 
>>>>> I reached over and took the cake off my daughter’s dish, then said, 
>>>>> “Okay, tell Nanna your plate’s clean.”  Nanna still refused to give 
>>>>> her the lemon cake.  My daughter started to pitch a fit in true 
>>>>> four-year-old fashion, screeching and waving her arms around.  Nanna 
>>>>> told her to go sit on the stairs till she was ready to be fit company. 
>>>>> I said no, she’s my daughter and I’m in charge here.  Nanna told me, 
>>>>> raising her voice, that we were in her house, so her rules came first. 
>>>>> I said I didn’t appreciate her yelling at me, and that if she wouldn’t 
>>>>> serve my daughter a slice of lemon cake, I would do it myself.  I 
>>>>> guess Nanna’s husband had gotten his fill by that time because he cut 
>>>>> my daughter a slice of cake and gave it to her without saying 
>>>>> anything.
>>>>>
>>>>> I know that situation should ideally not have happened in front of my 
>>>>> daughter, but it did.  I’m not looking for anybody to get on my case, 
>>>>> but I’m interested in some answers from other blind parents.  Whose 
>>>>> rules should have taken precedence?  Is there anything I can do about 
>>>>> it now?
>>>>>
>>>>> Jo Elizabeth
>>>>>
>>>>> I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of 
>>>>> Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that people of equal 
>>>>> talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen 
>>>>> Jay Gould
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>> blparent:
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>>>>> Grandma's house, grandma's rules. Yes I know she's your daughter, and 
>>>>> if this was another strangers house your rules would stand. But in a 
>>>>> normal house, with a grandma parent relationship grandmas house trumps 
>>>>> all. It is her house, her roles, sorry you feel that way. Now you may 
>>>>> always choose never to return to grandmas house, if you don't like the 
>>>>> way grandma runs her house. But again, that is up to you. But this 
>>>>> situation is all about respect, her grandma issued her decree, and you 
>>>>> chose to try and overcome per. This is very disrespectful no matter 
>>>>> what culture you're in, this will not stand in my house, and my 
>>>>> daughters grandma would always overcut me as a sign of respect. Right 
>>>>> or wrong. So please, take it for what it is take your losses and make 
>>>>> a decision, you either like the other situations you have been with 
>>>>> grandma, and this is a small think you could get over. Or you could 
>>>>> choose to not like it, her, or any future situation, and just never 
>>>>> return to her house. Very simple, if you ask me.
>>>>
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>>>
>>>
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>>
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>
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