[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

[Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)]

Oh Jo Elizabeth I'd shutthe swatting down thing fast. Not. Cool!
You two need to talk. Find out how you can defuse her since it seems she can't do it herself. Sounds like she wants to but needs some kind of hint she's getting spun up and to just chill.
Also think about why you've chosen this person to be a friend and why you continue to choose. You can always say no if need be.
It sounds like she's doing a lot of old-school parenting but if you don't like it, then shut it down.
I'm not as sure that your rules always win, you did choose to come to her house and people's houses do have different rules. Part of participating in society is knowing how to balance my rules v. their rules.


-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Monday, September 03, 2012 2:39 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

I guess maybe I could have gone a step further and not let her have the cake
at all, since I knew she was going to eat the frosting off and leave the
rest.  She always does that.  Nanna did see her with the cake, but I reached
out and took it, so I knew how much was left.  A triangle piece, maybe the
size of my palm.  Hardly worth going to war over, I suppose, except that
yesterday, Nanna swatted Sarah twice on the bottom and said, "Maybe your
mommy lets you get away with temper tantrums, but Nanna won't."  I don't, in
fact, let my daughter have temper tantrums.  But I find that when she starts
screeching and waving her arms around, it usually means she's frustrated and
can't find the words fast enough to say why.  So I'm willing to stop her and
make her calm down and take a deep breath, then think about what she wants
to say and get her point across.  That's why I asked the original question,
wondering if maybe I overreacted.  It sounds like most of the consensus is
that I did, which I appreciate hearing, in civil terms.  Nanna and I will
get it figured out, but the bigger issue is that I have to stop her when she
does take over sometimes.  She's told me in the past that it's okay for me
to say she needs to back off a bit, but apparently when I did, it wasn't
right.  It all gets very confusing.  Still, it's called having family type
relationships, and it takes work.  I don't believe there are only two
legitimate choices, either walk away or give in.  I do believe it's good for
our children to see us resolve conflicts and go on loving those who are in
our world.

Jo Elizabeth

I am somehow less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein's
brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and
died in cotton fields and sweatshops.--Stephen Jay Gould
-----Original Message-----
From: Musiclady
Sent: Monday, September 03, 2012 12:25 AM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

Personally, I would have gone with your nana.  Because she saw
the kid with the cake, so she should deal with it.  I think it's
important for our kids to receive correction for others not just
us.
Steph

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