[blparent] Whose rules should take precedence?

Sat Sep 8 00:28:17 UTC 2012

Veronica, et al,

Please drop this -- and no personal attacks.  We 
have asked everybody to move on -- each of you 
don't need to comment on each and every message.

Dave

At 04:39 PM 9/7/2012, you wrote:
>Gabe, there you go again being hateful.  Keep 
>those unkind remarks to yourself and stick with 
>the topic.  I, for one, do not think it is off 
>topic as we are talking parenting here.  And if 
>I recall correctly, we all are blind parents. 
>Right? -----Original Message----- From: 
>blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org 
>[mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf 
>Of Gabe Vega Via Iphone4S Sent: Sunday, 
>September 02, 2012 10:12 PM To: Blind Parents 
>Mailing List Cc: Blind Parents Mailing List 
>Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take 
>precedence? grandmas house, grandmas rules. dont 
>like it, dont go back. simple as that. and its 
>still off topic. and blindies only get 
>mistreated if they allow it. its funny how joe 
>thinks she is a big barny tough girl on list, 
>but in real life, she just like the rest who use 
>this act. and cowars from confrontation because 
>it on an email list and partially annonymous. 
>:-) Gabe Vega Sent from my iPhone (623) 565-9357 
>On Sep 2, 2012, at 8:55 PM, "Angie Matney" 
><angie.matney at gmail.com> wrote: > Actually, 
>Gabe's text is at the bottom of the post. He 
>said that grandma's rules should apply. > > 
>Sorry, no one but me gets to decide what my kid 
>eats, unless I'm not around and that person has 
>responsibility for my child. It was very 
>disrespectful of this woman to try to interpose 
>herself in the parent-child relationship. > > 
>And I do think this is blindness-related, 
>because people tend to infantilize blind adults. 
>I wonder if this woman would have done the same 
>thing to a sighted parent. > > As for what you 
>can do now, you could calmly explain to her that 
>you make the rules for Sarah, and if she can 
>respect that, then her informal grandmother-type 
>relationship can continue. > > Best of 
>luck. > > > > ----- Original Message ----- From: 
>"Kate McEachern" > <kflsouth at gmail.com> > To: 
>"Blind Parents Mailing List" 
><blparent at nfbnet.org> > Sent: Sunday, September 
>02, 2012 11:37 PM > Subject: Re: [blparent] 
>Whose rules should take precedence? > > >> Gabe 
>nothing is written here. >> Katie >> ----- 
>Original Message ----- From: "Gabe Vega Via 
>Iphone4S" >> <theblindtech at gmail.com> >> To: 
>"Blind Parents Mailing List" 
><blparent at nfbnet.org> >> Cc: "NFBnet Blind 
>Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org> >> 
>Sent: Sunday, September 02, 2012 11:31 PM >> 
>Subject: Re: [blparent] Whose rules should take 
>precedence? >> >> >>> >>> >>> Gabe Vega >>> Sent 
>from my iPhone >>> (623) 565-9357 >>> >>> On Sep 
>2, 2012, at 8:14 PM, "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" 
><jopinto at msn.com> wrote: >>> >>>> I know this 
>may not sound blindness related, but it kind of 
>is in a way because my daughterâ€™s adopted 
>Nanna tends to take over a lot instead of 
>letting me be the mom.  Sheâ€™s been there all 
>of my daughterâ€™s life, knitted her a blanket, 
>kept her overnight, all the things a grandma 
>loves to do.  I love her dearly.  But, frankly, 
>sheâ€™s pushy. >>>> >>>> There was a situation 
>that happened today while we were at her house 
>for a barbecue.  A bunch of us from church had 
>contributed food.My daughter had eaten a fairly 
>balanced meal, so I wasnâ€™t worried about her 
>nutrition.  When it came time for dessert, she 
>chose to have a piece of carrot cake, which she 
>promptly ate the frosting off of and then lost 
>interest in.  Par for the course.  Then she 
>asked Nanna for some lemon cake.  Lots of us 
>were just having little smidges of each kind, so 
>I was surprised when Nanna said no, there was 
>still cake on her plate.  I could see it if she 
>hadnâ€™t eaten dinner first, but she had, so I 
>thought that was ridiculous.  Trying to keep the 
>mood light, I reached over and took the cake off 
>my daughterâ€™s dish, then said, â€œOkay, tell 
>Nanna your plateâ€™s clean.â€  Nanna still 
>refused to give her the lemon cake.  My daughter 
>started to pitch a fit in true four-year-old 
>fashion, screeching and waving her arms 
>around.  Nanna told her to go sit on the stairs 
>till she was ready to be fit company.  I said 
>no, sheâ€™s my daughter and Iâ€™m in charge 
>here.  Nanna told me, raising her voice, that we 
>were in her house, so her rules came first.  I 
>said I didnâ€™t appreciate her yelling at me, 
>and that if she wouldnâ€™t serve my daughter a 
>slice of lemon cake, I would do it myself.  I 
>guess Nannaâ€™s husband had gotten his fill by 
>that time because he cut my daughter a slice of 
>cake and gave it to her without saying 
>anything. >>>> >>>> I know that situation should 
>ideally not have happened in front of my 
>daughter, but it did.  Iâ€™m not looking for 
>anybody to get on my case, but Iâ€™m interested 
>in some answers from other blind parents.  Whose 
>rules should have taken precedence?  Is there 
>anything I can do about it now? >>>> >>>> Jo 
>Elizabeth >>>> >>>> I am somehow less interested 
>in the weight and convolutions of >>>> 
>Einstein's brain than in the near certainty that 
>people of equal >>>> talent have lived and died 
>in cotton fields and >>>> sweatshops.--Stephen 
>Jay Gould >>>> 
>_______________________________________________ > 
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>Grandma's house, grandma's rules. Yes I know 
>she's your daughter, and if this was another 
>strangers house your rules would stand. But in a 
>normal house, with a grandma parent relationship 
>grandmas house trumps all. It is her house, her 
>roles, sorry you feel that way. Now you may 
>always choose never to return to grandmas house, 
>if you don't like the way grandma runs her 
>house. But again, that is up to you. But this 
>situation is all about respect, her grandma 
>issued her decree, and you chose to try and 
>overcome per. This is very disrespectful no 
>matter what culture you're in, this will not 
>stand in my house, and my daughters grandma 
>would always overcut me as a sign of respect. 
>Right or wrong. So please, take it for what it 
>is take your losses and make a decision, you 
>either like the other situations you have been 
>with grandma, and this is a small think you 
>could get over. Or you could choose to not like 
>it, her, or any future situation, and just never 
>return to her house. Very simple, if you ask me. >>> >>>