[blparent] Roommates and being a single parent?

[Bernadetta Pracon]

Katie,
Hmm. This is a tricky one. Unfortunately it seems you've landed 
yourself a roommate who's not very partial to children. I can imagine 
that being a single parent and rooming with someone who doesn't have 
kids has to be tough on both of you, for different reasons.
It seems that she's just plain annoyed with your kids. From what you've 
described, she finds them to be intrusive and she doesn't seem to like 
your parenting style or the way they behave. But that's not necessarily 
your fault or the fault of your children--I mean, if your kids are 
uncontrollable spoiled brats, she might have a right to comment. I have 
no idea how they behave and how you raise them. still, kids are going 
to be kids.  but even then, you're the mother, not her. I understand 
that you probably didn't have much of a choice, but I think you picked 
an incompatible roommate. When a person doesn't have kids, they aren't 
very sensative to the needs of children, nor do they want to be 
bothered with them. We as parents see children, whether our own or 
someone elses, differently.  Someone who's already a parent is likely 
to have more of a soft spot for someone else's kids. Someone who 
doesn't have any kids might find it hard, or even impossible to adjust 
to living with a couple of them. She may have been treating your kids 
with decency before you moved in together, because she didnt'  run into 
them on a daily basis. Things get a little more difficult when you have 
to share living quarters.
It's good that you're planning on getting out of that situation, but 
for now, just try to stay out of her way and keep your kids out of her 
way too. And by that, I dont' mean walking on eggshells. It's her place 
just as much as it is yours, so your kids can't feel uncomfortable at 
home. But i would minimize her interaction with your kids as much as 
possible, especially with the little one. She doesn't need to be 
exposed to such negativity at that impressionable age. The sad truth is 
that both of you probably should have put a bit more forethought into 
the living situation; Two women, one being a single mom and one who's 
not a mom at all, living together can become very tricky. But 
ultimately, she knew what she was getting into--or she should have 
known at least. Just try to practice common courtesy  toward her as 
your roommate, and ask the same of your kids, but dont' involve her in 
any aspect of the kids' upbringing, whether it be picking them up from 
school, feeding them, etc.  There's really not much else you can do, 
since this seems to be someone who's generally annoyed with the 
prospect of kids living under the same roof as herself. it
s likely that she's even more unhappy with the situation than you and 
yoru kids are. Just wait it out and meanwhile, stay out of each other's way.
Hope that's constructive

Bernadetta