[blparent] Roommates and being a single parent?

Tue Sep 11 03:07:21 UTC 2012

Katie, first of all, is this a good friend of yours?
If the answer is yes, then proceed forward.  Say, we've been friends a long
time and I've always felt easy talking to you.  Today I am asking you kindly
to speack nicely to the kids as they are like splonges and they are picking
the  harsh tones in your voice.
If she is not your friend, proceed like this, have you ever noticed that my
children irritate you?  When I asked you to come live with us, I never ever
thought you would be this harsh with my children.  Please watch your tone as
little kids  are like sponges and they pick up and mimic adults.  We don't
want the kids to start  talking like that.
V

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Kate McEachern
Sent: Saturday, September 08, 2012 10:56 AM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] Roommates and being a single parent?

Hi list.

I have been thinking and thinking and have now because of an incident I
walked in on this morning decided to get the lists thoughts on an issue I
have started to have with my roommate.  My roommate has known both my
children for years and had moved to SF to take a job and help me out with
the kids after their Dad fell ill.  Now that I have lost the house we moved
in to an apartment together to help us each save money.  My roommate has
always understood that she is only aloud to repeat to my children what I
have set as a consequence or relay a message I had spoke to her about
earlier in the day sort of like a messenger.  She has been told she is not
to give my kids punishments or handle parenting situations because she feels
she can.  I felt this was cut and dry but I have had a few instentses where
she has overstepped and wanting to live in some sort of peace till me and
the kids move in with Gabe, I would like some thoughts on how to handle this
with out creating a roommate rift.  For the record, I have told Gabe the
basics on this situation but not events so some of this will be news to him
but I think at this point I need to have some unbious thoughts on this and
give him more of an idea of how this affects me and the kids.

Last night my girls were aloud to stay up late because of it being the
weekend.  Tiffy asked to watch TV and my roommate said she was watching
something and would change the channel after the show was over.  The show
ended and Tiffy being three asked again to watch TV. My roommate noticeably
annoyed turned on a random children's channel and walked off to continue
watching TV in the other room.  Later when the girls were bickering not
fighting just being well, little girls, my roommate threatened that if they
didn't stop they would go to bed.  The girls ended there squabble by
deciding to play a video game.  This morning my roommate was mopping the
floor and again Tiffy being three walked by and asked what she was doing.
My roommate annoyed told my three year-old to get out of the room.  Now, yes
Tiffy didn't have to be in the room being mopped, actually she wasn't in the
room she was standing in the door.  It didn't bother me that my roommate
didn't want to give up the TV, or that she wanted Tiffy to stay out of a
room being mopped; I just don't like the tone she is speaking to my children
with.  She has also made snotty comments under her breath about dissitions I
have made with the girls.  One night when the kids just would not sleep I
told both girls they had lost TV and the computer the next day because they
were playing and wouldn't want to get up in the morning.  My roommate
sitting on the couch muttered that "It's not like their going to listen
anyway."  I promptly told her that they may not listen but I was going to
stick to what I said.  I didn't expect them to stop I just gave them the
consequence for not stopping.

My concern is that the level of annoyance my roommate speaks to my children
with seams to be building and there have been times that the girls are doing
nothing and she just gets annoyed.  My room mate at times helps pick my
youngest up from child care and I had my sister-in-law tell me she saw my
roommate with Tiffy and didn't like the way she was speaking to Tiffy.  I
don't think she would hurt the girls, but the annoyed tone has to go,
because my oldest has used this tone towards her sister and once towards me.

So how should I talk about this with my roommate, or is there just nothing I
can do?

Thanks for your thoughts.

Katie

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