[blparent] Update on my daughter Ashlee

[Tammy]

I Completely agree with this.  Jes has made her choice so who are we to 
question it?

Tammy

-----Original Message----- 
From: Bernadetta
Sent: Monday, January 28, 2013 3:55 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: Re: [blparent] Update on my daughter Ashlee

Rebecca,
When someone is kidnapped, they are presumably in harm's way.
Kidnapping is never done with any good intentions--Not as far as I know
at least. So while you can argue that social services are  kidnapping a
child, in a sense, when they take him or her away from biological
parents, you can't say that the foster parents kidnapped the child. If
a child is well cared for at a foster home, has been there since the
earliest days, has had his or her needs met well by these foster
parents, how is it ok for someone to interfere with that beyond a
certain point just because they share the child's DNA. That biological
parent knows little to nothing about the child's likes, dislikes,
routines, upbringing until that point...Picture yourself as a little
one or two year old. Would you want to leave the only home you've ever
known and be told that the person you know as mommy is not your mommy
anymore and a stranger is now your mommy? Wrap your head around that as
an infant, if you will. Give it a shot--See how uncomfortable that must
feel, how lost you must be, how much you must miss your family. Maybe
you get over it, with time, but certainly repercussions are lifelong,
from a Freudian standpoint.
The sad truth is that neither set of parents means the kid any harm in
this type of situation. The foster parents take on the role of
caregivers, providers of love and security, assuming they are good
foster parents, never meaning to take anyone's child away from them.
Not initially at least. The birth parents find themselves in a
precarious situation where their hands might be tied, yet they don't
intentionally give their child up. Still, bonds are formed, time
passes, and past a certain point when a child is able to comprehend, to
form a personality, to form strong attachments, it seems to me a cruel
fate to have to be shuffled off to the waiting arms of a biological 
stranger.
The only person who gets any true satisfaction out of the matter if
things conclude that way is the biological parent. On that note, I
think Jess is a most unselfish, gracious person to make the choice she
did. And furthermore, it's definitely not your place to question such a
personal decision as that. She sent the update seeking support, not for
someone to sway her from the choice that must have been so hard to
make. Jess undoubtedly recognized that the people who have been raising
her little girl have been doing right by her, and she has executed the
single most unselfish act of love. She gave her child the chance of
stability, of a family she has known her entire life. She gave her
child a chance at a life where she won't be uprooted, dragged to courts
and visitations, all that painful, confusing drama that comes with
custody cases.
So with that said, I propose that we leave jess to her choice. It's not
anyone's place to question it, not a major life choice such as this
one. We should give her the support she needs and leave it at that.
It's not our business how she came to make that choice or what
circumstances she is willing or not willing to share. We're not the
spanish inquisition, just a group of parents who are supposed to be
there for each other through tough and joyous times.

Bernadetta

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