[blparent] Update on my daughter Ashlee

Steve Jacobson steve.jacobson at visi.com
Mon Jan 28 22:38:34 UTC 2013 

As the list moderator, I would like to see us avoid going down the road of personal judgements and attacks.  There is a great deal 
that we don't know about the situation.  There are alarm bells that went off for me when reading the original note and there were 
other alarm bells for me when I read other responses as well.  Is support always telling someone that whatever they decided is 
correct, or is support letting them know that there might be things to think about if she feels she was treated unfairly?  Both 
can be support if carefully presented.  Has she gone through a long and well thought out decision making process, or has she been 
beaten down?  

I believe we need to also keep in mind that some of our discussions here may affect how someone else in a similar position might 
proceed.  Let's realize that we won't all see the same facts in the same way.  Those of us who have adopted children, for example, 
are going to be more exposed to how kids can and do adapt.  so much depends upon the situation.  

Let's just stop arguing about what the original poster wanted since none of us knows for certain and try to be gentle in our 
positions.  One thing is for certain, she has undergone a great deal.

Best regards,

Steve Jacobson

On Mon, 28 Jan 2013 16:51:59 -0500, Tammy wrote:

>Hi,

>The update clearly stated what was going on.  I'm surrendering my parental 
>rights, seems pretty clear to me.  How much more do we really need to know? 
>Is it any of our business?

>Tammy

>-----Original Message----- 
>From: Dianna Alley
>Sent: Monday, January 28, 2013 4:36 PM
>To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>Subject: Re: [blparent] Update on my daughter Ashlee

>How can we give support if we have no idea what is really going on?  I did
>not even know she had lost her child.
>----- Original Message ----- 
>From: "Tammy" <tcl189 at rogers.com>
>To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Monday, January 28, 2013 3:03 PM
>Subject: Re: [blparent] Update on my daughter Ashlee


>> Hi,
>>
>> I'd agree with this if Jes had emailed and said "hey list What would you 
>> do in this situation," or "What should I do here," but she didn't!  She 
>> said this is my decision just to update you all, and I think what she's 
>> looking for is support not a bunch of questions after the fact.  Rebecca 
>> may not have meant to come across as judgmental but that's how it sounded 
>> to me, and I, like you, Am entitled to my opinion.
>>
>> Tammy
>> -----Original Message----- 
>> From: Dianna Alley
>> Sent: Monday, January 28, 2013 1:56 PM
>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Update on my daughter Ashlee
>>
>> She did not judge her she asked her a question and I kind of wonder the 
>> same
>> thing and you are right we are not in the situation and thank god for 
>> those
>> that believe but when you decide to post on a list you are going to get
>> varying degrees of feedback and that is not judging.  If one does not wish
>> to get negative and positive feedback on what they are posting then they
>> either have to not post it or send it to those they wish to know off list.
>> ----- Original Message ----- 
>> From: "Tammy" <tcl189 at rogers.com>
>> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
>> Sent: Monday, January 28, 2013 12:09 PM
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Update on my daughter Ashlee
>>
>>
>>> Hi,
>>>
>>> Rebecca, this is none of your business, and how dare you judge her!  This 
>>> decision is probably one of the hardest decision she's ever had to make 
>>> and you sit up there on your high horse and pretend you even have a clue 
>>> what you're talking about here?  You don't know what kind of hell she's 
>>> going through right now, and I'm thankful that you don't, but then how 
>>> can you judge?  Do you know how hard it is to have a nursery all set up 
>>> for your baby to come home to  and have them not able to sleep, eat and 
>>> play there because some organization says you're not good enough?  Do you 
>>> know how hard it is to have to see your child at appointed hours in 
>>> someone else's house and have your child look to someone else for 
>>> necessities when you know that should be you?  Do you know the constantt 
>>> pressure that's put on parents of children in foster care to give up 
>>> their children and how hard it is for those parents to fight to get their 
>>> children back? Finally, do you know the pain of giving up your children 
>>> to that same system knowing that you, as a parent will never be the same 
>>> again?    I'm not saying you have to support a decision like this one, 
>>> but then why not just not say anything?  Sorry all, but I'm sickened by 
>>> the below!!!
>>>
>>> Tammy
>>>
>>> -----Original Message----- 
>>> From: Pickrell, Rebecca M (TASC)
>>> Sent: Monday, January 28, 2013 9:56 AM
>>> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Update on my daughter Ashlee
>>>
>>> Yes, this also made me very sad.
>>> And, what about your daughter's father? He does have a say as this 
>>> article will demonstrate.
>>> http://gma.yahoo.com/sgt-reunited-baby-given-adoption-181449034--abc-news-topstories.html
>>>
>>> Also, do you have anybody in your corner? 16 months is a rough age for 
>>> many parents because your kid has the needs of a baby, but the mobility 
>>> of a big kid. Combine these two with absolutely no impulse control and 
>>> you can have moments that make you wonder why you ever thought a child 
>>> was a good idea. These moments should pass though.
>>> Have you spent enough time to know that you can care for your daughter 
>>> compitently?  Have you gotten your mental health checked? You've been on 
>>> this road for awhile, and you are giving up your rights at a difficult 
>>> time of year and at a difficult time in your child's development.  At 16 
>>> months, my daughter hadn't yet called me mommy. At 16 months, I was 
>>> convinced she was part cat, she only wanted me for food and when she 
>>> wanted something, not at all when I wanted to interact with her. By about 
>>> 2, that turned around. She was calling me Mommy. She began to share 
>>> interests with me. By 3, she was introducing me to her own interests. 
>>> Yesterday we went to a museum that bored me to tears as a kid. We had a 
>>> wonderful time together.
>>> You didn't ask, so I don't know why I'm sharing my oppinion.  It just 
>>> seems to be a short-sited decision with incomplete information. Also, you 
>>> didn't mention the father, and I had just seen the article I posted.  You 
>>> can do what you want, know that he also has the same right. If he hasn't 
>>> been given the oppertunity to make his wishes known, this ain't over yet.
>>>
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Gabe 
>>> Vega Via Iphone4S
>>> Sent: Sunday, January 27, 2013 11:26 AM
>>> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
>>> Cc: blparent at nfbnet.org
>>> Subject: Re: [blparent] Update on my daughter Ashlee
>>>
>>>
>>> Wow, I'll be honest. I've almost been to this point. When I fought for my 
>>> daughter, the fight was overwhelming. I do understand, but I don't think 
>>> it would take something like this to ever make me reach a point. I 
>>> support your decision, and maybe it was a losing battle to begin with. 
>>> I'm sorry, I really am sorry.
>>> Gabe Vega
>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>> (623) 565-9357
>>>
>>> On Jan 27, 2013, at 9:05 AM, Jess  <ashleejessandmark2012 at gmail.com> 
>>> wrote:
>>>
>>>> Ashlee is now almost. Sixteen months. She crawling. She recently just 
>>>> started walking.  She's already showing interest in potty-training. I've 
>>>> made the decision to surrender my parental rights because I know that 
>>>> she's safe with the foster family. And,I just want all the court stuff 
>>>> to be done.
>>>> Sent from Samsung mobile
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>>
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