[blparent] update on our lives.

Wed Jan 30 05:10:23 UTC 2013

I think it is time to get a doctor involved. The toileting thing by itself
should be addressed because something is wrong. You can not move forward
with any kind of training or addressing it from an emotional or
psychological stand point until you rule out some kind of physical problem.

Please also talk to your doctor about getting a developmental evaluation for
your son. I know my youngest son's audiologist has been using the blocks in
the bucket with his testing since he was about two. I do not want to worry
you, but you should move forward on this right away. Developmental problems
are most easy to address with younger children.

I do have a thought on making living with the current toileting situation
easier to live with though. Perhaps you could routinely spend some time with
him just sitting on the toilet several times a day. Maybe singing or
listening to music to entertain him? If he goes in the toilet that is an
extra blessing because it is one less mess for someone else to clean up. A
little time learning to relax on the toilet may also encourage him to
physically relax and be able to go. My thought is that whatever the problem
is that is keeping him from becoming trained, this kind of routine will aid
the situation. If you know what time he normally goes in his pull up then
try to do this around that same time with the idea of perhaps preventing
having to clean it yourself.

Jennifer

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Shannan
Zinck
Sent: Wednesday, January 30, 2013 5:50 PM
To: blparent at nfbnet.org
Subject: [blparent] update on our lives.

Hi all, it's been a long time. due to the condition with my eye (which is
still ongoing) I have had to really limit my computer time as I use large
print and not screen readers though if this goes on much longer I may have
to consider that possibility just to keep in touch. Anyway a couple
questions.

I'm wondering if anyone has struggled with a much older child with potty
training. Myles just turned 4 yesterday and is still not trained. We
thought originally that he might just be stubborn but, now I'm not so sure.
Though he is strong willed he does listen pretty good to us. He can be
playing along like nothing is happening and all of a sudden he'll tell me
he peed but, that's only when his pullup is full and I mean leaking and
running down his leg full. He can have several pees and not even notice and
same with BM's he doesn't stop for those either. He knows how to use the
toilet and even goes in by himself quite often but, really it's hit and
miss even with a half hourly schedule. He says he can't tell if he needs to
go or not and up until today I didn't believe him but, When he lies he
changes his story constantly so he's easy to catch. He maintains the same
story when it comes to knowing when he needs to go or not and say he
doesn't know. I never know when he's going in his pants and he is a major
people person so is in my space all the time so he is rarely in a different
room then either his father or myself. We've been working on potty training
for over 2 years now and recently even have been making him change his own
pullup when wet. We thought this tactic would encourage him to try harder
but no dice. # 2  he has never tried on the toilet and no future prospect
is in sight for that. I'm beginning to get quite concerned given his age. I
know physically he is a bit behind due to the drugs in his system at birth
but, not enough to cause concern. He always catches up. However at his age
we are getting to the place where babysitters are pretty much impossible to
get because he is huge to begin with and no one wants to change a kid that
age and size. He's 4 like I said and is over 3 feet tall weighing well over
40lbs. I can't stand changing him and I'm his mom so I can just imagine how
a sitter would feel. When there is a medical issue it's easy to explain it
but, when there's such a gray area to what could be wrong it's not so
simple. I'm just plain discouraged and confused. I'm wondering if it's time
to get a doctor involved or just wait it out and see if the slow
development is the problem. I'd hate to push the issue only to find out
later that there was something wrong but, if it's just laziness on his part
fd hat to let it go. He can't even get involved in group activities yet
because he's not trained, it's down right embarrassing. You know it's funny
that before I had kids of my own I swore I'd never have a child who wasn't
trained by the time they were 2 and now look at us. For all the parents who
struggle with or have struggled with this issue I apologize whole
heartedly. I realize now that you can't choose what life will bring you all
you can do is work through it. Part of this is because with my eye problems
as bad as they have been we decided for a short while to let training go
because I am so limited in what I can do right now but, that lovely issue
has been going on so long almost 2 years now that we can no longer just
leave it alone. This past year has been a strange one for sure.
Also today we discovered that he seems to struggle with putting 2 and 2
together. figuring out simple concepts so we wonder if that has something
to do with potty training as well. We took him for a hearing test and he
can hear fine however when asked to put blocks into a bucket whenever he
heard a beep he couldn't do it for some reason. he wanted to and when I did
it with him he did it fine but, when doing it himself he couldn't. When the
doc asked him if he heard the beeps he said yes but, the blocks never went
into the bucket. He knew he had to put them in the bucket and he knew he
could hear the sounds but, he couldn't put the 2 things together unless
some one was doing it with him which isn't a true test since he was copying
me. Now he has to go back again in a few months. I would have thought at
his age he'd have been able to figure out how the do this. I'm wondering
what kids at his age should know how to do. average kids that is. It's been
a long few months though I finally have a follow up appointment for my eye
and am hoping they will finally tell me when they will get around to
removing it. About the babysitter thing also I'm concerned about privacy.
He is older now and though he is not trained I not so sure about how
comfortable I am with babysitters changing him. Maybe I'm being paranoid
but, he is my son and I want to protect him. We are very careful about who
babysits but, some people have different boundaries then others He's
getting to an age where he needs to understand boundaries and that hard to
do when everyone who looks after him has to change his butt. One of the
only sitters we have due to his age that is willing does things that make
me uncomfortable. She isn't intentionally doing wrong things and nothing
alarming just concerning like the way she tickles him and things like that.
She has little concept of proper boundaries and I'm not sure how to deal
with this. She's the only sitter I've got yet I'm not so sure she's good
for him. Don't get me wrong she not molesting him or anything like that
she's too childlike herself for that but, she is too touchy feely and
clingy for my liking. Just so you are aware I'm a VERY private person
overly so, so some of this could be my own paranoia as well but, I'm having
a hard time discerning this situation. I'm not willing to have my son put
in harms way so I am really stomped on what to do here. I've expressed this
to my husband and he isn't sure what to do either. She is 23 but, seems to
act like a 14 year old. not very mature at all. any ideas sorry for the
book it's been a while. I'll try to keep in touch better.

-- 
Shannan Zinck
Survival is letting GOD take over!!!
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