[blparent] fibbing or lying or neither?

[Veronica Smith]

KIDS' HEALTH: True Lies Is your child fibbing? Learn how to tell and the
best way to handle By Jennifer Soong Preschoolers (kids ages 3 to 5) are
busy learning to grasp the line between reality and fantasy, and one way
they may do that is to tell fibs or tall tales. Parents often react hotly,
but that's not always the best way to handle the situation. They will say,
'Gosh, my child is lying. I don't know what to do. But it's a fuzzy line
between what's real and what's not in a child's imagination," says Tanya
Remer Altmann, a pediatrician and author of Mommy Calls: Dr. Tanya Answers
Parents' Top 101 Questions About Babies and Toddlers. Let's say your
3-year-old spills milk on the floor. You ask, "Who spilled it? and your
child says, "Not me. It's not that your child is lying, Altmann says. She
may wish she hadn't spilled it, or, if the incident happened an hour ago,
she might not even remember. Pediatric psychologist Mark Bowers, PhD, of the
Ann Arbor Center for Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics in Michigan, says
children under age 5 are too young to understand what a lie is. That's
because they don't have the same cognitive capacity as a kindergartenage
kid, who is beginning to learn the difference between right and wrong. You
don't have a future criminal on your hands because your child's not 'fessing
up to spilling the milk in the kitchen," Bowers says. If you catch your
child drawing on the walls, you may be tempted to confront her. It's better
to state what the rule is and offer a solution, Bowers says. For example,
"We have a rule in this house that we only draw on paper. So why don't we
get some soap, and you can help Daddy clean it up? To avoid accusations, he
advocates playing dumb. Within your child's earshot, you can say: "Oh, I
wonder how this milk got spilled. It would really be nice if somebody could
help me clean it up. After your kid comes over and helps you, give her a
high five for helping out. Bowers also suggests reading books together that
encourage honesty, such as The Boy Who Cried Wolf. EXPERT TIP Have fun with
your children. Join them so they can pursue what's in their imagination.
-Mark Bowers, PhD Helping Hands As a mom and pediatrician, I know life can
get crazy-busy. But if you can cook a little with your kids on Saturday or
Sunday, it may make a big difference in their attitude toward goodfor- you
foods. Remember, kids watch and learn from what you do. The more you cook,
the more they'll notice-and maybe they'll even pitch in to help. If your
kids aren't excited about joining you in the kitchen initially, don't give
up. Just offer the option another time when they're less distracted, or try
another food. Here are some ways to get your kids involved with meals. Take
them grocery shopping. Ask them to help you make a list first. Let your kids
help pack their school lunches. Choose and make the foods together. Ask them
to prep vegetables, whether washing carrots or peeling corn, and have them
set the table. Plan a garden together. Buy the seeds and containers, and
talk about where you'll plant in the yard. Later, watch the vegetables grow-
and then cook them. Get more ideas to keep your family happy and healthy at
the Raising Fit Kids center. Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD WebMD Senior
Medical Editor.