[blparent] How do you all handle theissueofyourkids not telling the truth?

Sun Jun 2 01:59:55 UTC 2013

Yeah, natural consequences of scrapes and such aren't the nicest or the best 
sometimes. LOL

Si

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, June 01, 2013 9:43 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle theissueofyourkids not telling 
the truth?

> Since this is really the first time the issue has come up, aside from the 
> kite incident which was much more the fault of her big brother, I'll 
> probably keep the foot checks going for a few more days, just long enough 
> to be inconvenient, and then let her have another try at being 
> independent.  If it weren't the first time, I might carry on the checks 
> for longer.  I'm trying to avoid the natural consequence for her of 
> scraped toes or a twisted ankle, but if it comes to that, there's a life 
> lesson to be learned there also.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Sirena
> Sent: Saturday, June 01, 2013 7:36 PM
> To: Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issueofyourkids not 
> telling the truth?
>
> How long will you keep checking her feet? This topic is really interesting
> to me, even though Ayla's not yet old enough to lie. Five months is a 
> little
> young to be preparing, I guess, but still.
>
> Natural consequences are, I feel, a great way to go. They're natural. But
> when does the consequence stop? Like, when will she earn the right to 
> begin
> trying to re-earn that trust? Will you just give her the benefit of the
> doubt one day and check her when she comes home to see if she's lied? How
> would this work?
>
> Love your stories and advice.
>
> Si
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
> To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Saturday, June 01, 2013 8:06 PM
> Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue ofyourkids not
> telling the truth?
>
>
>> I'm a big advocate of natural consequences whenever possible.  I don't 
>> really see it as a punishment.  My daughter is getting tired of me 
>> reminding her to put her shoes on and checking her before she goes out, 
>> but that's what happens when I need to know she's safe and she has made 
>> it clear she isn't ready for the responsibility of doing it herself. 
>> Life lesson, hopefully--telling the truth is a lot less hassle in the 
>> end.
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth
>>
>> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you 
>> may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full 
>> at evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
>> -----Original Message----- 
>> From: Robert Shelton
>> Sent: Saturday, June 01, 2013 12:29 PM
>> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of yourkids not 
>> telling the truth?
>>
>> It depended on the transgression.  If it was did you do XXX, then the 
>> punishment was to do XXX.  The more experience we got with kids, the less 
>> we had to punish them, and yet, they all turned out to be good people. 
>> Our youngest was the least punished of all because he effectively had 
>> five parents.  He really couldn't get too far off the track without 
>> someone ratting him out, so he was quick to learn that being a good 
>> family member worked out best for everyone.
>>
>> By the by, he's a fireman now in Austin.  Don't know if you happened to 
>> notice, but we lost four firefighters in Houston yesterday.  My heart 
>> goes out to those families in a special way.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Veronica Smith [mailto:madison_tewe at spinn.net]
>> Sent: Friday, May 31, 2013 5:52 PM
>> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not 
>> telling the truth?
>>
>> Robert and when they came clean, did you forgive the issue or did you 
>> punish anyway?
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Robert 
>> Shelton
>> Sent: Friday, May 31, 2013 7:51 AM
>> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
>> Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not 
>> telling the truth?
>>
>> First, you need to work on your skills as a human lie detector.  It's 
>> pretty easy after yu get the hang of it.  There are usually tells in the 
>> voice, fidgets, and, of course, you can always spot check.  The thing we 
>> found that was most effective was when we suspected (or knew) one of our 
>> kids wasn't telling the truth was to say "Are you sure... would you like 
>> to reconsider... is that your final answer?"  Giving them that little bit 
>> of space to correct a mistake tends to reinforce the message that lying 
>> makes the situation worse without your having to overtly say it.
>>
>> Kids often don't respond to direct messages, but they do pick up patterns 
>> of behavior, good and bad.  If you can get them to realize for themselves 
>> that honesty really is the best policy, you'll have taught one of life's 
>> most valuable lessons.  It's kind of a tough one though because the 
>> benefits of being honest are not immediately obvious.  It's one of those 
>> things that is best in the long run whereas the benefits of lying seem 
>> immediate.  From what I've heard you write over the years, I think your 
>> relationship with Sarah is such that she will get the message that you 
>> want to convey -- it just might take a little while to sink in.
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto [mailto:jopinto at msn.com]
>> Sent: Thursday, May 30, 2013 8:50 PM
>> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
>> Subject: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not 
>> telling the truth?
>>
>> My five-year-old has fallen into a bit of a bad habit of telling lies 
>> lately.  None that are too serious yet, but unfortunately her big 
>> brother, my stepson, helped her figure out that she could sneak things 
>> past me.  I told them not to take a kite to the park with them that 
>> belonged to their dad, and he waltzed right out the door with that kite 
>> under my nose when I didn’t know about it.  My daughter ratted him out 
>> when they got home, and later she told me she was uncomfortable with what 
>> he had done but that she didn’t know what to do about it at the time.  I 
>> said she could tell me anything and that she needed to let me know if her 
>> brother was doing stuff that made her uncomfortable.  Since then, she’s 
>> started testing the waters, like today she told me she had her shoes and 
>> socks on when she went outside with her friends to ride bikes.  When she 
>> came back in, her dad was home, and he scolded her for running around 
>> outside barefoot.  So I found out she really hadn’t put on her shoes and 
>> socks.  I’m afraid she’s going to scrape her toes or step on something 
>> and cut her foot.  I said that since I couldn’t trust her to tell me the 
>> truth, I’d have to check her feet with my hands before I let her go 
>> outside anymore so I knew she would be safe.  But it got me to wondering 
>> how some of you other blind parents have handled the issue since I don’t 
>> want her thinking she can pull stuff over on me.  Thanks.
>>
>> Jo Elizabeth
>>
>> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you 
>> may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full 
>> at evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> blparent mailing list
>> blparent at host.nfbnet.org
>> http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
>> blparent:
>> http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/madison_tewe%40spinn.net
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> blparent mailing list
>> blparent at host.nfbnet.org
>> http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
>> blparent:
>> http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/jopinto%40msn.com
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> blparent mailing list
>> blparent at host.nfbnet.org
>> http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
>> blparent:
>> http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/sieradream%40gmail.com
>>
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at host.nfbnet.org
> http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
> blparent:
> http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/jopinto%40msn.com
>
> _______________________________________________
> blparent mailing list
> blparent at host.nfbnet.org
> http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blparent_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for 
> blparent:
> http://host.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blparent_nfbnet.org/sieradream%40gmail.com
> 