[blparent] How do you all handle the issueofyourkids not telling the truth?

Veronica Smith madison_tewe at spinn.net
Sun Jun 2 03:02:28 UTC 2013 

I would do it for longer than a few days, make an issue of it, make it so she doensn't forget it.  If you only do it for a few days, then she'll know the issue wasn't a big deal.  2 weeks sounds like a punishment for lying at her age.

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Saturday, June 01, 2013 7:43 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issueofyourkids not telling the truth?

Since this is really the first time the issue has come up, aside from the kite incident which was much more the fault of her big brother, I'll probably keep the foot checks going for a few more days, just long enough to be inconvenient, and then let her have another try at being independent.  If it weren't the first time, I might carry on the checks for longer.  I'm trying to avoid the natural consequence for her of scraped toes or a twisted ankle, but if it comes to that, there's a life lesson to be learned there also.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
-----Original Message-----
From: Sirena
Sent: Saturday, June 01, 2013 7:36 PM
To: Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issueofyourkids not telling the truth?

How long will you keep checking her feet? This topic is really interesting to me, even though Ayla's not yet old enough to lie. Five months is a little young to be preparing, I guess, but still.

Natural consequences are, I feel, a great way to go. They're natural. But when does the consequence stop? Like, when will she earn the right to begin trying to re-earn that trust? Will you just give her the benefit of the doubt one day and check her when she comes home to see if she's lied? How would this work?

Love your stories and advice.

Si


----- Original Message -----
From: "Jo Elizabeth Pinto" <jopinto at msn.com>
To: "Blind Parents Mailing List" <blparent at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, June 01, 2013 8:06 PM
Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue ofyourkids not telling the truth?


> I'm a big advocate of natural consequences whenever possible.  I don't 
> really see it as a punishment.  My daughter is getting tired of me 
> reminding her to put her shoes on and checking her before she goes out, 
> but that's what happens when I need to know she's safe and she has made it 
> clear she isn't ready for the responsibility of doing it herself.  Life 
> lesson, hopefully--telling the truth is a lot less hassle in the end.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Robert Shelton
> Sent: Saturday, June 01, 2013 12:29 PM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of yourkids not 
> telling the truth?
>
> It depended on the transgression.  If it was did you do XXX, then the 
> punishment was to do XXX.  The more experience we got with kids, the less 
> we had to punish them, and yet, they all turned out to be good people. Our 
> youngest was the least punished of all because he effectively had five 
> parents.  He really couldn't get too far off the track without someone 
> ratting him out, so he was quick to learn that being a good family member 
> worked out best for everyone.
>
> By the by, he's a fireman now in Austin.  Don't know if you happened to 
> notice, but we lost four firefighters in Houston yesterday.  My heart goes 
> out to those families in a special way.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Veronica Smith [mailto:madison_tewe at spinn.net]
> Sent: Friday, May 31, 2013 5:52 PM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not 
> telling the truth?
>
> Robert and when they came clean, did you forgive the issue or did you 
> punish anyway?
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Robert 
> Shelton
> Sent: Friday, May 31, 2013 7:51 AM
> To: 'Blind Parents Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not 
> telling the truth?
>
> First, you need to work on your skills as a human lie detector.  It's 
> pretty easy after yu get the hang of it.  There are usually tells in the 
> voice, fidgets, and, of course, you can always spot check.  The thing we 
> found that was most effective was when we suspected (or knew) one of our 
> kids wasn't telling the truth was to say "Are you sure... would you like 
> to reconsider... is that your final answer?"  Giving them that little bit 
> of space to correct a mistake tends to reinforce the message that lying 
> makes the situation worse without your having to overtly say it.
>
> Kids often don't respond to direct messages, but they do pick up patterns 
> of behavior, good and bad.  If you can get them to realize for themselves 
> that honesty really is the best policy, you'll have taught one of life's 
> most valuable lessons.  It's kind of a tough one though because the 
> benefits of being honest are not immediately obvious.  It's one of those 
> things that is best in the long run whereas the benefits of lying seem 
> immediate.  From what I've heard you write over the years, I think your 
> relationship with Sarah is such that she will get the message that you 
> want to convey -- it just might take a little while to sink in.
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Jo Elizabeth Pinto [mailto:jopinto at msn.com]
> Sent: Thursday, May 30, 2013 8:50 PM
> To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
> Subject: [blparent] How do you all handle the issue of your kids not 
> telling the truth?
>
> My five-year-old has fallen into a bit of a bad habit of telling lies 
> lately.  None that are too serious yet, but unfortunately her big brother, 
> my stepson, helped her figure out that she could sneak things past me.  I 
> told them not to take a kite to the park with them that belonged to their 
> dad, and he waltzed right out the door with that kite under my nose when I 
> didn’t know about it.  My daughter ratted him out when they got home, and 
> later she told me she was uncomfortable with what he had done but that she 
> didn’t know what to do about it at the time.  I said she could tell me 
> anything and that she needed to let me know if her brother was doing stuff 
> that made her uncomfortable.  Since then, she’s started testing the 
> waters, like today she told me she had her shoes and socks on when she 
> went outside with her friends to ride bikes.  When she came back in, her 
> dad was home, and he scolded her for running around outside barefoot.  So 
> I found out she really hadn’t put on her shoes and socks.  I’m afraid she’s 
> going to scrape her toes or step on something and cut her foot.  I said 
> that since I couldn’t trust her to tell me the truth, I’d have to check 
> her feet with my hands before I let her go outside anymore so I knew she 
> would be safe.  But it got me to wondering how some of you other blind 
> parents have handled the issue since I don’t want her thinking she can 
> pull stuff over on me.  Thanks.
>
> Jo Elizabeth
>
> Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may 
> kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at 
> evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
>
>
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