[blparent] I'm distraught!

[Jennifer Jackson]

Joe Elizabeth,

Do you know that a child is 10 times more likely to be injured or killed in
a car than as a pedestrian? Riding in a car is a very dangerous activity,
and yet most every parent you know puts a beloved child into one every day
without giving that danger a thought. 

Sighted people miss turns, accidentaly cut someone off, drive to fast or to
slow, run red lights, and a myriad of other traffic mistakes on a regular
basis. 

I know it is scary to realize you have made this kind of mistake, and I
totally understand the impulse to just stay home. You have to consider what
is best for your child in the long run of growing up. Yes, she was at some
risk today, but how much more risk is she in if she never leaves home and
learns how to get along in the world? The benefits of going to the park and
having regular outings with her mom far out way the risk as far as I am
concerned. I will be giving myself a very similar lecture later this week
about taking my crowd of boys to the library, so it really is not just you.


Jennifer
-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo
Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Tuesday, March 26, 2013 5:35 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] I'm distraught!

How have you all managed to forgive yourselves and move on after making a
poor traffic crossing with your kids?  Or maybe nobody else has done that?
I feel like such a loser!

My daughter and I went to a new park this afternoon because we finally had
decent weather, although there was still snow.  We've gone lots of places,
and I've always been careful about teaching her to watch for cars and be
alert around streets.  But the traffic light was unfamiliar to me.  Crossing
over was fine, but something funky happened on the way back.  I thought I
heard the traffic surge, and although my daughter seemed to be hesitating a
little, I urged her to follow me and my guide dog.  I thought she was just
nervous about the busy intersection, and kind of whiny because it was cold
and she was eager to get home.  I waited a full cycle, listened to the
traffic patterns like I always do, and made the decision to go.

And then, you know, you get that sinking feeling, when you're too far into
the crossing to change your mind but you realize it was a bad call.  I heard
cars turning on the street we were crossing, on the far side.  So what I
thought was a surge, actually, was the cars going into that turn lane.  And
there's my preschooler, holding on tight to my hand and counting on me not
to lead her into danger, going, "Mom!  Mom!  Mom!"

I didn't feel I had any other choice, so I just finished the crossing,
thinking we were in plain view at least and that was in our favor.  I've
done that before, but it was always just me, and I chalked it up to all's
well that ends well, and s**t happens.  I take my chances going out the same
as anybody else.  But this time, I tugged my baby right into harm's way with
me.

So how do I get over this and move on?  I know we can't stop going out, but
as it is right now, with her safe in the house having a snack, I never want
to poke my nose out the door again.  Seriously, I'm trying to keep it
together so she doesn't see me upset, but I've never had such an awful
moment as a mom, I don't think, except maybe the one where I thought my
daughter had been hit by the trash truck.  And this one was my fault!

Please, no bashing comments, because nothing anybody can say will manage to
make me feel any worse than I already do.  I don't think I've ever once
questioned my ability as a blind mom before till now, but here we are.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may
kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at
evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
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