[blparent] I'm distraught!

Wed Mar 27 01:05:31 UTC 2013

Hello Jo Elizabeth,

I will be praying for you and your daughter as these type of events know how to shake the nerves.  I hope that after the initial scare of it all subsides you can find peace in knowing that any of us who get out and about independently are going to face situations like yours.  Sometimes they will be our own fault and sometimes it will be the fault of others.  I always take moments like this and praise God that he protected me and it makes me that much more aware for next-time.  I had someone blow a red light just a month ago and came within inches of hitting my 2.5 year old, guide dog and myself.  Times like that make me really appreciate every moment I have with my little guy and really helps to prioritize what's really important in life.  When my son was about 18 months I was crossing an 8 lane intersection that I cross nearly every day when I became distracted with trying to comfort my munchkin in the carrier and didn't notice my dog beginning to veer into the intersection because he saw another dog at the diagonal corner.  I was about two lanes in and had cars swerving all around me.  I literally called-out to Jesus in that moment and just tried to get to the diagonal corner while clutching onto my son in one hand and guide in the other.  Staying calm was key so that I didn't freak my kid out or make things way worse for my guide but it was by the grace of God that I was able to stay calm.  A few moments later a man stopped his car and jumped-out to help me to the curb.  I know that man was my angel and even though I was quite shaken, I continued on and finished my grocery shopping that afternoon to distract me if anything from stewing over the whole thing.  This was a situation that would probably send most people in to a state of Agoraphobia, but after I digested a piece of my own heart from the near coronary, I thank the Lord and figure it's not my time yet and God's going to keep me safe until it is my time.  We've got to live life and debilitating fear is a disability we do have the choice to have or not.

I'm so happy to hear that you and your daughter are safe. Hugs, Erin 

-----Original Message-----
From: blparent [mailto:blparent-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Jo Elizabeth Pinto
Sent: Tuesday, March 26, 2013 3:35 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Parents Mailing List
Subject: [blparent] I'm distraught!

How have you all managed to forgive yourselves and move on after making a poor traffic crossing with your kids?  Or maybe nobody else has done that?  I feel like such a loser!

My daughter and I went to a new park this afternoon because we finally had decent weather, although there was still snow.  We’ve gone lots of places, and I’ve always been careful about teaching her to watch for cars and be alert around streets.  But the traffic light was unfamiliar to me.  Crossing over was fine, but something funky happened on the way back.  I thought I heard the traffic surge, and although my daughter seemed to be hesitating a little, I urged her to follow me and my guide dog.  I thought she was just nervous about the busy intersection, and kind of whiny because it was cold and she was eager to get home.  I waited a full cycle, listened to the traffic patterns like I always do, and made the decision to go.

And then, you know, you get that sinking feeling, when you’re too far into the crossing to change your mind but you realize it was a bad call.  I heard cars turning on the street we were crossing, on the far side.  So what I thought was a surge, actually, was the cars going into that turn lane.  And there’s my preschooler, holding on tight to my hand and counting on me not to lead her into danger, going, “Mom!  Mom!  Mom!”

I didn’t feel I had any other choice, so I just finished the crossing, thinking we were in plain view at least and that was in our favor.  I’ve done that before, but it was always just me, and I chalked it up to all’s well that ends well, and s**t happens.  I take my chances going out the same as anybody else.  But this time, I tugged my baby right into harm’s way with me.

So how do I get over this and move on?  I know we can’t stop going out, but as it is right now, with her safe in the house having a snack, I never want to poke my nose out the door again.  Seriously, I’m trying to keep it together so she doesn’t see me upset, but I’ve never had such an awful moment as a mom, I don’t think, except maybe the one where I thought my daughter had been hit by the trash truck.  And this one was my fault!

Please, no bashing comments, because nothing anybody can say will manage to make me feel any worse than I already do.  I don’t think I’ve ever once questioned my ability as a blind mom before till now, but here we are.

Jo Elizabeth

Truth is tough. It will not break, like a bubble, at a touch; nay, you may kick it about all day like a football, and it will be round and full at evening.--Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
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