[blparent] Update Since I surrendered my parental right five weeks ago.

[Jess Trask]

 *There is my story on what it was like to deal with DCYF in the state of
New Hampshire. I know I would have overcome my problems that I had.  But,
I've  realized that it was mostly my daughter's fathter who had more
problems tahat h hasn't dealing with.*
**
*Firstly, before I start telling my story about working with DCYF Claremont
which serves Charlestown, Claremont, Newport and surrounding areas. I would
like to take a few minutes to introduce myself and my daughter
Ashlee/Ellie. My name is Jessica Trask. During and after my pregnancy I was
working with Kate Derosier she is one of the Social Worker at Valley
Regional Hospital and I was also working with Good Beginnings of Sullivan
County as well. Good Beginnings will mentioned again later on in my story.
After a healthy pregnancy and sixteen hours labor and an awesome delivery I
was blessed to have had a beautiful little baby in the early morning of
October 16, 2011.*


 * Now, I'm going to start sharing my story about my experience working
with in Claremont in hopes that I would get soul cuon in the story. The
first initial report of concern was made to DCYF by my credited nurse
midwife who made that report. I believe that the first visit I had on of
the DCYF intake workers Mary Beth and one of her other co-workers on
Tuesday of the week and I believe it was so they could make sure that I
understood what has happening meaning why they were getting involved with
me and Ashlee/Ellie. I've known since beginning that there a good chance
that I wouldn't get Ashlee/Ellie Ellie back.*


 * The on Wednesday October 19th 2011 I was getting ready to leave Valley
Regional Hospital Ashlee/Ellie and go home. Ashlee//Ellie was put in to
foster care on Wednesday October 19th. She put into fester care at four
days old and she will be two years old in October. I did get the meet the
foster/adoptive family Wendy Peter and their biological daughter Caliegh
Plunkett. I'm surprised that the emergency placement was made so quick in
the hospital. But, I know understand that how it works.*


 * That Wednesday night I stayed with Ashlee/Ellie's Dad sister Tracy and
her husband Shon also Ashlee/Ellie's aunt and uncle. The next day was
Thursday October 20th 2011 when I had a meeting with Mary Beth and CPSW
Mary Devlin to start working on the reunification which the or goal
originally with adoption being the concurrent goal. My daughter's name is
Ashlee, but I and the foster soon be adoptive family call her Ellie because
we all her the way Ashlee's says her name every time hear someone else say
it. *


 * The first few meetings I had with CPSW Devlin were to go over my case
plan so I could get Ashlee/Ellie back in my custody full time. There are
some examples of what I had to do so that I could get Ashlee/Ellie back so
there are those examples going to counseling, which for counseling has been
very helpful for me to have someone to talk with a professional capacity,
working with the New Hampshire Association for the Blind because I'm
legally blind/ visually impaired do to Albinism. I had also been working
with Good Beginnings of Sullivan County once it was confirmed by urine test
by my midwife who then made a refereed to Good Beginnings where I started
working with their Registered Nurse Karen Jameson and Pamela Doling doesn't
work there anymore. In addition to Pam there was three other parent
educators that I were with they were Shawn, Danna Bare and Beth Lemieux .
During the I was pregnancy I was seeing these woman once a week so that
could educate me on how Ashlee/Ellie was developing. Karen had been the
only one I had worked with the whole time until I surrendered my parental
rights. Once I had Ashlee/Ellie they all started educating me on how to
care of her and make sure she was safe. The first encounter I had with this
was the next day when Karen came in to teach me who to Breast feed
Ashlee/Ellie. Karen is also a credited lactation consultant as well which
means she helps teach woman whom are having troubles getting their newborn
to Breast feed. It wasn't until much later until through talking to the
Physical Therapist that I was working with through Pathways which handles
the early intervention program that I had set up for Ashlee/Ellie it was
because of her Hypotonia or low muscle tone that she was having problems
breast feeding. She qualified for early intervention services through
Pathways for the Hypotonia, fine and Gross motor skills and speech delays.
I'm very to proud to say that she just had her six month review a few weeks
ago and the only the only thing she's still getting services for is the
Hypotonia. In the beginning Ashlee/Ellie was also being followed by Jan
Haley who works for the MICE program at the New Hampshire Association for
the blind because she had what is know as delayed visual maturation which
concerned me because it's fairly common for people with Albinism to have
Delayed visual maturation So while I was pregnant I consulted with a
Genetic Counselor Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical Center in Hanover New
Hampshire and I was told that it was very unlikely that Ashlee/Ellie would
have Albinism. Then, When,Ashlee/Ellie was about nine months or so I had an
appointment with a Pediatric Ophthalmologist at Dartmouth Hitchcock Medical
Center in Hanover New Hampshire that Ashlee/Ellie's vision would be okay
and it came back that it was fine. *


 * In the beginning the first three or four visits that we had were at a
mixture of the foster/adoptive family's over in Charlestown and also at the
local DCYF office because it took a bit to get everything settled with Good
Beginnings get their scheduled worked out. Once the scheduling was figured
out then we started to visit at our residence. The visits were at our
residence for about five or six months. Up until that point we were doing
well in fact so well that I was awarded extra day for myself that I could
get used to being the only one taking care of Ashlee/Ellie. At one point we
had three Good Beginnings working with us because I had been granted the
extra day by the court which was Wednesdays and also they were thinking
about starting to add unsupervised visit time up until he decided to get
pissed off at on of the Good Beginnings workers which made the worker feel
unsafe in the home and the worker felt so unsafe that the worker decided to
call call CPSW Devlin. In turn CPSW Devlin called her supervisor and the
Claremont PD and the foster family because the visit had to end early
because of what Ashlee/Ellie father had done. I didn't fully know what was
happening because I was napping with Ashlee/Ellie in the recliner.
Needlessly to say when I woke up with Ashlee/Ellie and found out that I had
to get Ashlee/Ellie ready to go because the visit was ending early because
of what had happened when I was asleep with Ashlee/Ellie. And, he called me
to go back home So from about April of May of 2012 until April 18th 2013
when I had my last supervised visit at Good Beginnings was before I
surrendered parental rights and Ashlee/Ellie's dad had separated the visit
were all at Good Beginnings. I worked with Good Beginnings for twenty-two
and half months. *


 * I've been in counseling for almost a year now. My first diagnosis was
Adjustment Disorder with Anxiety and mixed depressed moods. Them on March 15
th 2013 I was also diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It all
start with Postpartum Depression right after I had my beautiful little baby
girl Ashlee/Ellie. I was also dealing Ashlee/Ellie father's unwillingness
to work with both DCYF and Good Beginnings to the point where he would be
constantly threaten CPSW Devlin Karen and Beth from Good Beginnings and the
foster/adoptive family including threatening to flatten the tires on CPSW
Devlin car tires several time and I believe he also threaten to CPSW Devlin
as well. Also, he threaten to go to Charlestown and kidnap Ashlee/Ellie
from the foster/adoptive several times and I'm sure he's still doing it to
this day. It always felt like I was always apologizing for how he was
acting because things weren't moving as fast as he thought they should have
been Because I always felt embarrassed of what he says or does or sometimes
what he doesn't do. I do now believe that he's been in denial the whole
time that the both of us were dealing with DCYF. I've learned that
Ashlee/Ellie father and I have dealt with this situation in differently. He
very rarely talks to anyone about it. Where I was always talking about it
because I found if I didn't talk about it I felt that I would go crazy.
Ashlee/Ellie father didn't like the fact that I was being extremely
cooperative with DCYF. In fact, from our last court date that he and I had
together in December of 2012 I was the only one of us willing to work with
CPSW Devlin until I ended my case with them at the end of April. Which
meant while Ashlee/Ellie father and I were still together I had to keep any
meetings or phone calls that I was having with CPSW Devlin and Becky form
Turning Points Network secret. Which made a tremendously stressful for me
because it was adding more stress to an already stressful situation. Which
I now know that Ashlee/Ellie father's way of dealing with it is that he had
majorly increased his drinking which I now know was a major part of why we
were arguing so much when we were still together. The other reason that we
were arguing so much is because he wouldn't help clean the house when after
I would try and explain to him because if my visual impairment that it
takes me longer to do something as simple was doing the dishes because I
have to use my sense of touch to do if I can't see something on the plate.
Which he didn't understand how difficult it would be. Adding to that
Ashlee/Ellie father and I always had a chance of getting Ashlee/Ellie back
between the court hearings. Which I would have had to figure out how I
would do all the things I needed to do including take care of Ashlee/Ellie
which made it more difficult because Ashlee/Ellie is exceptionally clingy
to me the foster family especially. I've noticed this to be the case
especially with me and the foster mom. I was also noticing especially
during the fifteen minute transition time between me leaving and
Ashlee/Ellie father showing up for his visit. *


 * I've been truly blessed that Ashlee/Ellie has been with the same foster
family for just about two years now. It was a good for an emergency
placement made at the hospital. *


 * Wendy and Pete Plunkett of Charlestown Foster/Adoptive parents for my
daughter who they call Ellie This why I'm writing this for Ashlee/Ellie
because Ashlee is the legal name me and her father choose for Ashlee/Ellie.
Once she adopted her name will be Changed to Ellie. They also have a
biological daughter named Caliegh. Who I believe will make an awesome older
sister. For me Wendy and Pete have been a great support and encouragement
and resource for me while I was dealing with the situation with DCYF and
Ashlee/Ellie father because it was hard for me because we all week that he
wasn't understanding what was really happening. I and Ashlee/Ellie
foster/adoptive mom have a great relationship which is a very unique
situation because when I surrendered my parental rights Wendy and Pete both
sat behind me in court the last time. That was the first time Wendy's
husband Pete came to court for the first time for the surrender hearing. *


 * Please try if you are a single mom,dad or a couple to nurture the
relationship with the foster family or families that have you child or
children because they may willing to if adoption is the final outcome the
foster family or families could choose to work it out as an open adoption
even though DCYF doesn't do medicated adoptions anymore the foster family
or families can make the choose if they want you to be involved with your
child/children. Or, if you make the choice like I did to surrender your
rights I took the time to nurture the relationship with Wendy and Pete and
I'm still able to been involved in Ashlee/Ellie life. I've so far been able
to see Ashlee/Ellie once we are trying to find out what other days of week
work for me and the foster mom will be in Claremont. We have chosen for
right now not to do Thursdays because we both decided that it could be to
confusing for Ashlee/Ellie to see me first with Wendy and then go to see
her father afterward at Good Beginnings with Beth Lemieux. It's almost been
three weeks again since I've seem Ashlee/Ellie again because Ashlee/Ellie
is changing so much. Wendy and I try to talk every few days or so. That way
I can stay update with how Ashlee/Ellie is doing. *


 * I'm a victim and survivor of both Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault.
Now that I know the first sign of domestic violence with Ashlee/Ellie
father was when broke a laptop that Ashlee/Ellie's Maternal grandfather
gave me. Then, in March 2012 Ashlee/Ellie father decided to throw his house
keys at me and they hit me. I now wish that I had taken the situations a
lot more seriously. During, this time he was also being emotionally abusive
to me as well. He would me a bitch, stupid, dumb and so on. I was sexual
assaulted by someone named Henry in Early June of 2012. Both Ashlee/Ellie's
father and Henry were drunk so Ashlee/Ellie father didn't even try and help
me out. In,fact it took over a month of me constantly telling Ashlee/Ellie
father that I was sexual assaulted. In fact, I gotten out of the situation
once at the end of July 2012 when I stayed at the Domestic Violence shelter
because I thought I had hit rock bottom but, apparently I hadn't yet.
Ashlee/Ellie's father and I had a court on Wednesday December, 12th 2012
for a review hearing on the case and then we went our seperate ways he went
to work and I believe I went home. He and I supposed to have meet at Silver
Fern for free Chili that night and go out to Karaoke like he and I always
done. He and I four awesome visits including the Christmas Eve he and I had
which was the last one he and I had together as a couple. The Thursday
visit for December, 27th was canceled because of the snowstorm that
happened. He would always blame me whenever a visit was canceled because he
thought that I could control weather or the foster/adoptive family was on
vacation or if Ashlee/Ellie, or any of the members of the foster family
were sick. So, I and one of my other friends went to visit another couple
that we were friends with. And, he called me because he wanted me to come
home and do some cleaning which was kind of hard to do because at the time
the kitchen faucet was broken because he had gotten pissed of when we ran
out of propane for the hot water. I also just happened to be talking to
CPSW Devlin on the phone when I was walking up there. Ashlee/Ellie father
slapped me across the right side of the face. Which he apologized to me
for. And, he said that he still loved me,which kind of surprised me and it
still does to this day because at that time we had ended our relationship.
He and I were just trying to be friends for Ashlee/Ellie sake. So, he and I
had good couple of hours together. But, I had put a call into Becky at
Turning Points Network and left her a message and she called me back and I
left Stepping Stone to meet her and he called me five times during the time
I was meeting with Becky at Turning Points Network and she recommended that
I fill out a restraining order against him so then by her urging I went and
stayed at my Friends Fran and Craig's apartment where he decided to make
the wrong decision to show up at their place and he asked to leave several
times between Fran and I so when he could comply with our requests I had to
call the police they had to tell him ten times to leave and he didn't leave
comply with their requests either. So he ended up getting a domestic
violence charge and a resisting arrest charge as well. As part of the bail
condition he had a no contact order in it which he violated by trying to
contact me after he got out of jail aftter getting arrested for the
domestic violence and the resisting arrest charge that he has. He's just
recently violated the restraining order three times now in the last two
weeks by walking by where I'm living.*


 * The decision in surrendering your parental rights is something that
needs to be taken very seriously. Because if you don't it won't work. Also
surrendering your parental rights is a very individual choice. These are
the reason why I chose to surrender my parental rights to my daughter
Ashlee/Ellie and here they are. From the age of 11-18 I grow up as child of
a single mom and I know how hard it was for my mom to raise two preteens
girls and I didn't want that for Ashlee/Ellie. I also don't want to rely on
DHHS for financial support for me and Ashlee/Ellie. I would also be
concerned that maybe all the developmental milestones Ashlee/Ellie has made
being in the foster/adoptive family's care wouldn't have been with the
descent progress with Ashlee/Ellie's therapies that she is doing through
Pathways if I had Ashlee/Ellie in my custody full time. And, the major
reason why I surrendered my parental rights is because I love Ashlee/Ellie
with all my heart and soul and I know that she's in a very safe loving
environment with The Plunkett Family.*



 * I've had to pleasure of being matched up with a parent advocate Rachael
Shaw Evans who has also been involved with DCYF now thirteen years ago for
her and. This match was made possible by the Better Together with Birth
Parents program at the Claremont district office. I'm proud to say that I'm
now a parent leader for our better together team I attended the two day
training just a few weeks ago now. And, I can't wait to share my experience
with other parents dealing with the same situation that I was in. *


 * The major thing that needs to be improved upon is the way that CPSW'S
their supervisors assessment placement and resource workers need to be
trained on how to deal with birth parents or foster parents with
disabilities. I would be willing to put together a presentation on how that
division can learn how to work with birth parents or foster parents whom
are blind or visually impaired. *

*Jess*